Invinsible;

But there’s a modification. In retrospect, there’s a modification. That instinct? It was there for us. Not for you above me. Not for you disregarding me. Not for you at my expense. It was for us.

I love you. But I do not put you above me. I put us above me.

That was also the night you felt I was it, right? You told me that later. That night was a night of mutual realisation of what we share and what we can build.

We.

But baby how you’ve been acting lately has done a spell on we and it’s invisible now. It’s as if we don’t exist. And I can’t seem to find any magician who can pull the trick to bring us back.

Because what I need is you. I need you to bring us back.

I will put us above me. I will a thousand times over. But I will not put you above me. And I will not wait around trying to save you and me when I see you put yourself above us consistently.

From where i would rather be today

Pero madalas, ang nangyayari bumabalik lang talaga ako dito kapag malungkot ako, kapag broken, kapag wala makausap. Ang sarap kasi magkwento dito. May mga bagay kasi na mas kumportable ako na dito ko nalang ikwento kesa sa mga tao sa paligid ko.

Sayang no, kasi sa tuwing masaya ako, hindi ako makapag post dito, kasi siguro, masaya ako eh, may tao akong napapagsabihan ng mga kwento ko. Ang sarap siguro ibackread kung naikwento ko lahat dito yung masasayang nangyari sa buhay ko.

I can already picture your smiling face. you called me a smartass a few times. that's rare; many have called me smart but never a smartass. I guess with you I was able to bring out that sassy and smartassy side of me more freely. that felt nice; you felt nice. and then you stopped feeling nice. and then I started getting obsessive.

what do I think about when I think of you? I think about that morning in your home when you made me iced coffee while being so severely sleep deprived. the morning that we sat discussing poetry and going through your wedding pictures. the morning when you kissed me and I kissed you back. the morning you said a lot of shitty things. the morning I did not call you out or walk away when I should have. but more than any of that I think about innocence, I think about delusion, I think about mischief, and I think about childhood.