blog intro for my writing blog cause im gonna (main blog: @lurkingneva)
i'm neva, i use they/ them pronouns (fem and masc terms are both accepted) and have been seriously writing since 2022-2023 ish
i have 14 ocs (if im counting correctly) and a few more in development for my sso lore rewrite/ etheri
my main working project is an SSO rewrite/ au (loosely called an au cause idk what's under that umbrella with this) using the lore of sso, ssl, and the star stable books as a basis for creating and developing (updates will be provided because this has been in the works for over a year)
my side project is a book about the Etheri, a group of spirited individuals who are specifically affected by the Goddess of Malice after the God/Goddess of Life began to slumber once more
my work is not the best, im dyslexic and i phrase things weird so it either sounds fancier than i intended or just confusing as fuck (both are accepted and loved in this house)
i do NOT use ai or anything to assist in my writing besides the good old dictionary and other resources like that (if you like or use gen ai at all, get OUT, ill block those if i see you have any ai that you generated in your tumblr)
im inconsistent with my writing times due to everyone's favorite puppet master, adhd!!! brain is struggling and cant work all the time, im afraid ill burn out
asks are always open on this account for anything that i've done! i love answering questions a lot more than i should and i will give you my best and honest answer as i see fit
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update on how the sso timeline shit is going: i'm still here. im working on it
in other news that means that i got distracted or lost my mind but this time it was both and then it was distraction of cute fluff fics of characters in a doomed narrative living a happy life and guess what NONE OF THAT IS HAPPENING IN THE SSO THING i literally have like 20 pages of something completely unrelated and i have ZERO proof to show for the amount ive written in the last month on the sso document BECAUSE THERE BARELY IS ANY
im ashamed to admit that i already have an idea for the star stable au second version where jorvik is manifested as an escape from reality for dalka instead of it being reality in the main au that im working on, this one is just like the original story, a little bit corny but more light hearted that slowly seeps into her reality that she cannot ignore anymore, the dark riders and her other half are a manifestation of truth and her dark reality that she cannot ignore of her mental health crisis from various things in her life that she desperately wanted away from
also elizabeth is like her motherly figure that she always wanted in the dream and in an attempt to break into reality, elizabeth is killed by a dark rider because dalka is just getting way too attached and too far deep, just thought i should mention that cause i like throwing out dark details for people to scream and cry about
god help me i need to get back on track. elizabeth's gen is already being fleshed out in main first au that i am supposed to be working on but i cannot stop thinking about this second version. its a problem
the worst part about having a main project that actually includes none of my ocs (mainly) is that im missing them a lot and im really upset that i dont get to do much with them in my current position with life and time, i miss those freaks even though they're my created freaks, but they have a soul and a story and i want to tell more of it
posting the old member of the etheri (as in design and whole thing as a whole was scrapped because i wasn't satisfied) because im never using him again in the main story, he's dead to me.
go play in the garden like the rest of them erdos you mean nothing to me anymore
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expect oc designs soon!!!! ive set myself up to NOT do anything in regards to remaking them (cause some of them need some fixes) in the sims (i don't have the motivation to draw all the time) unless i completely go through all what feels like 10k files of cc (probably less) so then i can download more to make my ocs better
i think i just set myself up too early for being like "omg ocs exist on this page" and then i dont even show anything but i swear to you DESIGNS WILL DROP!!! dalka needs to get an official form too in multiple incarnations cause i wont be satisfied until ive done like three different fixes/ revamps
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HAVE YOU SEEN HER?
Name: Hannah Ragsdale
Sex: F
Age: 17
Height: 5'8 ft
Weight: 143 LB
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Light Brown
MISSING SINCE SEPTEMBER 24RD
LAST SEEN WEARING A GREEN BUTTON-UP TOP AND BROWN FLARE JEANS
IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION ON HER, PLEASE CONTACT LOCAL AUTHORITIES IMMEDIATELY.
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HAVE YOU SEEN HER?
Name: Joslyn Waite
Sex: F
Age: 17
Height: 5'6 ft
Weight: 145 LB
Eye Color: Dark Green
Hair Color: Dark Brown
MISSING SINCE SEPTEMBER 23RD
LAST SEEN WEARING A BROWN SWEATER AND GREY JEANS
IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION ON HER, PLEASE CONTACT LOCAL AUTHORITIES IMMEDIATELY.
In the dense forest of Innswood, two girls trek together. They pant and struggle to keep an even footing against the forest floor, with roots and twigs in their way. But, stopping would not help them. Why would they stop now? It isn’t safe. Not like it ever was anyways.
Josie, can we please take a break? I don’t want you to hurt yourself. Her brown eyed gaze meets the other, pleading to stop.
It has been non-stop for the girls. Joslyn's calves burn and ache and yet, she continues. The past few hours have been agonizing as she continues to trip on the twigs. Her legs no longer want to rise from the ground.
Not like you’re going to be able to walk with that leg of yours. Joslyn adjusts Hannah in her arms. She was tired. She couldn’t deny it. An injury was the last thing Joslyn wanted for Hannah. It was something she feared could happen. And it did.
You’re as stubborn as ever. Let me down. I’d rather you not trip and crush my bones. Joslyn scoffs at the other, but Hannah pushes. Quit that. You've carried me non-stop for multiple days. I know you reached your limit by day two of this.
Fine then. Joslyn sets Hannah down. Start walking and we can trip together! She says sarcastically, grabbing Hannah's pale hands.
She drags the other along with her. Both stagger with each movement, but Hannah seems to be the one getting cut more and more by the forest itself.
Stop! Stop! I feel like my skin is being hooked and peeled off! Joslyn stops and attends to Hannah as she complains.
Oh, now, we're interested in being carried again? Joslyn teases with a smile.
Whatever. Go ahead and pick me up. Mind the blood though! Joslyn grabs Hannah and places her in her arms bridal style. Their bloods have already mixed together and stained their clothes. It was inevitable.
The girls trek on a bit longer before Joslyn has to rest by a tree. She leans up against it, placing Hannah onto the ground nearby.
Y'know, I didn't think we'd get this far. Joslyn grabs her water and takes a few swigs.
Really? You seemed confident when we started off. Hannah takes the water from Joslyn and leans back.
Only reason why I was confident was because you were there to give me a route. Alone? I'd be dead by now. Joslyn looks at Hannah. Sit up, why don't you? Don't choke on your water. She helps Hannah sit up, helping her with taking small drinks.
Hannah stops taking in the water, giving it back to Joslyn. We don't have much longer before we find a safe house. At least, that's what the map says.
Joslyn puts away the water and grabs Hannah once more. Good. We can finally relax and get some sleep when we get there.
She looks into Hannah's eyes, seeing a hope for their future together. The comfort of being away from home was already settling in. It already felt like things were going to plan.
But, that comfort begins to get ripped away.
She hears the sounds of hooves, cracking twigs and leaves. It's coming towards her. She can hear it.
She runs with Hannah to a bigger covering and attempts to hold her breath to keep herself quiet. Hannah was always better at that, staying completely silence. It was quite a talent she picked up recently. It impressed Josie a lot.
Joslyn closes her eyes as she hears the sound of feet landing and something clicking on.
"Are you sure the tip was real? I don't see nothin'." A light flashes nearby.
"Use your light correctly. We didn't get magical night vision goggles along with our equipment. That's not in their budget." A man talks back to the other. He moves quietly.
"Joslyn Waite? Are you here?" The name makes her tense.
"Your father is worried about you." Another adds on.
The footsteps do not cease, but they just get closer. Her heart races as she hopes that they would hover away from her. That would be the best thing.
Footsteps stop nearby her. She opens her eyes and sees a light shine at her.
"Ma'am? Are you alright?"
She feels her stomach drop. She has to go. Now.
Joslyn runs with Hannah in her arms as fast as she can go. She trips, but staggers herself multiple times as to not hurt Hannah, but the bramble does not discriminate. She hears the footsteps draw in with her. She's faster. Surely, she's faster.
She struggles for more speed and leverage. Her legs want to give out. The forest floor almost speaks to her to let herself fall. She can't. She'd hurt Hannah, then she'd have to go home. Home away from Hannah.
She feels her movement increase and gains a sense of hope. The footsteps aren't as close as before.
But, the bramble drags her down.
She falls and tries to move off of Hannah. She feels her head hit the ground. She's numb for a moment. She hears the faint sounds of people yelling at her. She cannot see them anymore.
Everything has gone dark.
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Joslyn slowly opens her eyes again. She's not in the same place she was. She was in a bed. Maybe, she really has made it.
Her head pounds and then slows to an ache. She's dazed, but able to make out parts of the room. She looks to the ceiling and the walls. White cabinets line across the wall, some labelled. She notices a cardboard clipboard on one of the counters.
Come to think of it, the whole place is white. Just a curtain blocks her view of the doorway. She looks to her right and finds turned off heart monitors that indicate her location. She's definitely in a hospital.
She raises herself up and attempts to try and use her hands to help her stabilize herself. Her wrists are bound with cold metal. She notices and begins to yank at it with force.
"What the hell?" She manages to mutter out in a raspy voice.
Why would they be so cruel to handcuff a runaway girl to a hospital bed? She didn't know that herself.
"Hey! Why am I here?!" She yells out and hears footsteps approaching her.
A tall woman, dressed down in a formal button-up and slacks, comes in and introduces herself.
"Miss Joslyn, I am Detective Eden. You're currently detained as we investigate these matters." Her voice is firm, with airiness to her tone.
"The fuck? Why am I being interrogated?! I just woke up in this hospital room!" Joslyn snaps at the Detective, yanking at the cuffs.
"Well, you were considered a missing person. You were found with a miss Hannah Ragsdale as well, is that correct?" She grabs the clipboard and clicks a pen.
Joslyn's eyes widen. She forgot that Hannah was also caught.
"Where's Hannah?!"
"I'm afraid I cannot tell you that information just yet. I'd like for you to answer my questions first." Eden looks at Joslyn with a firm, yet gentle gaze.
"Then I'm not talking to you. Give me my Hannah back!" She lunges, being held back by the metal. Her voice cracks with her yell.
Eden turns and says something outside of the closed room. Two officers come to her call and she becomes agitated.
"You're treating me like a criminal, just cause I ran away?! All I fucking wanted was to leave and be with Hannah!" She snaps.
"I understand you are upset. We're just moving you into a holding cell for you to calm down. Until you can talk to me without yelling, you will stay there. Am I clear?"
Two officers come to either side of her, beginning to take off her cuffs. She stays silent, but her eyes burn a hole into the detective. She breathes heavily, awaiting for an opportunity to leave.
She hears a click and the metal drops from her wrists. The feeling of gloved hands wrapping around her wrists replace the cuffs.
"You better fucking let me out of here." The officer shakes his head, but she doesn't enjoy 'no' for an answer.
She throws her elbows back repeatedly into the officers chest, attempting to make him yield. She feels the grip tightened before she slammed against a wall and handcuffed properly again.
She hated this feeling of not being in control. She could do anything and they'd grab her again. It was all pointless. She'd be seen as violent, instead of being defensive. All she wanted was Hannah.
Her Hannah.
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Hours pass in a cold cell, alone with her thoughts. Joslyn struggles to even manage to cry out again. Her eyes have crusted over with dried tears in her tear duct. She feels tired, but she can't seem to rest. The pain doesn't subside for rest.
She hears a knock on her cell door, not daring to look. She hears the sound of the door opening and footsteps coming in.
"Miss Joslyn, it's Detective Eden again. Are you ready to have a civil conversation?"
She glares out of the corner of her eye, facing away from her.
"I'll have a conversation if I have Hannah back." Her voice breaks as she sniffles, cleaning her nose with her sleeve.
"My offer stands that you will see her after you answer my questions. You know, your family is quite worried about you." Eden takes a seat, an officer observing.
"They lied. They don't give two shits about my safety." Joslyn snaps. "They'd rather see me gone. Does that answer your stupid questions?"
"Hm." Eden exhales. "I see. You did answer a part of my question, but I cannot just stop here. Can you tell me about September 23rd and 24th?"
Joslyn hesitates, before speaking up, "I left my home. 24th, Hannah followed."
"Do you have an idea of why Hannah followed you?"
Joslyn lets out a sigh and wipes her face. She speaks up, "'Cause I asked. Whole reason I left was for her. I would of been homeless either way. Hannah though.. She just didn't want to have me die in the woods."
Eden scribbles something down. "She seems like a caring individual."
Joslyn takes a glance at Eden, who does not notice her gaze. "She is. She goes past a lot more than that."
"Is her relationship to you a friend?"
"That's a dumb question." She pauses for a minute. "Girlfriend, you could say."
Eden nods as she goes through her notes. "On the dates that you both left, what happened?"
"I snuck out at night and made a decision to leave for good. I gave Hannah a note about it to meet the next day. We officially left that night and started our trek in the woods." She listens to the scribbles. "Innswood was our goal. We somewhat made it, I guess. Then, you guys caught our asses." She lets out a huff.
"During those 8 days in the woods, did you girls experience any major injuries?"
"Cuts and bruises. Hannah tripped and fell pretty bad a few days ago. Her ankle was pretty fucked up. I'm sure she probably pulled some muscles at some point." She fidgets with the belt loops on her back. "Did you guys find us because of my dad?"
Eden continues to look down. "No. Missing posters spread around quickly. We were alerted to it, after it spread across the river. Some people had seen you guys around and tipped us off."
"Of course. City snitches need to be in on everything." She sighs. "Can I go now? I want to check on Hannah. Have you guys taken care of her?"
The detective takes a moment. "Yes, we are. She is in good hands." She looks to the officer who gives a nod. "I'll keep my promise to you and take you over there, alright?"
"Finally."
An officer moves into her cell and helps her up. She follows the Detective with no sight of resistance. They walk along the hospital walls, until they reach a corner, and turn into a hallway.
The area is eerily colder and incredibly sanitized. She notices a room open, with a metal table in the middle. Bottles align the shelves and it is set like an operation room. She can't see more before she is forced to keep on.
The Detective opens a door for her and she walks in. She sees Hannah on the bed. The area looks less like a hospital, but more of a recovery room. There's still a medical sting to it.
"Hannah!" The officer quickly uncuffs her, letting her run to Hannah's bedside.
She takes Hannah in her arms, hugging her tightly. A cold embrace mixes with her body heat.
"Joslyn." The detective attempts to get her attention, but Joslyn repeats words of affirmation to Hannah. "Joslyn." She raises her voice and says it again in a firmer tone. Joslyn turns.
"Thank you for keeping her safe. I trust that no word will get out about this to any family?" She looks in Eden's eyes and sees a spark that is no longer there.
Eden lets out a soft sigh and bows her head a bit. "Mm, I'll do my best." She looks to Joslyn once more. "Joslyn, may I ask you if there was any major incidents with Hannah?"
"I told you, just a leg injury. I mean, her chest was hurting, but we were walking a lot." Joslyn looks to Hannah, but something looks off to her. "Hannah, are you okay?"
"Joslyn, Hannah is not with us anymore." Eden puts it plainly to Joslyn.
"That's not a very funny joke. She's right here!" Joslyn glances away from Hannah, and turns back to a body.
Oh my god. She whispers under her breath as she sees rotting flesh before her.
"Joslyn, Hannah has been dead for 3 days."
Everything breaks for her. Her whole world. It was all her fantasy. Now, that can't protect them anymore.
"Hannah.." Her voice breaks under her breath. She looks at the sight of the body more.
This wasn't her Hannah. Or.. was it really?
She begins to panic, her eyes darting to the peeling flesh around her face. She can see every layer.
"OH MY GOD!" She screams out as she becomes disgusted with herself. But it was Hannah. It was always Hannah.
Her hands shake as she grasps Hannah's hand that withers away. Her voice trembles. "I remember.. I remember.." She sobs. "Hannah... I love you.. I love you... I-" Her head hangs as tears drip down from her face. She struggles to get breaths in between her sobs.
"The tree... She fell. She kept... Going.." Her words break as she gasps. "I should.. of... stopped.." She breaks down further, muttering jumbled words out of her mouth.
The Detective and officer look on, watching her break before them. Joslyn breathes out words, attempting to catch her breath.
"I'm.. so sorry... Hannah.."
"I'm so sorry."
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On the night of September 29th, Hannah Ragsdale tragically fell from a tree and suffered internal injuries that led to untreated internal bleeding. In a police report, it was revealed that the missing girl alongside her, Joslyn Waite, admitted to trying to help her, but was told not to get help. She succumbed to her injuries on September 30th and was officially reported as dead 3 days later.
Witnesses say that Waite was seen with Ragsdale's body, either carrying or dragging her across the forest floor. No charges have been filed on Joslyn Waite as she awaits a trial. She is being held in the local city jail until she stands trial and presents her case.
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what then if we are cruel and unforgiving? from the cradle we've been subject to horrors unspeakable, and now our only outlet for the pain is each other; but at least we'll leave behind only our own dead selves.
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Mirror neurons are the reason you cry at a funeral for someone you never met. your brain literally cannot tell the difference between watching grief and experiencing it, it just runs the program. and writers who understand this are playing an entirely different game. you don't describe the sadness. you put the reader in the body that feels it. the mirror neuron does the rest. you're not writing emotion. you're building a trigger for theirs.
