A Separation
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A Separation
Whoa, there. I did not sign up to be depressed to death.

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All Quiet on the Western Front
World War I was the worst war. I feel like this is the movie they show kids in high school to teach them about WWI, and the kids are like "awhaaa black and white!!!" Little do those kids know, they are watching a great movie with a great story!
Barbarella
I watched this immedately after Resident Evil: Retribution 3D, and it was like a cleansing, boob-filled chaser. I don't really know what to say about this movie other than it is super bizarre and it features killer dolls, blue rabbits, and Jane Fonda's boobs (frequently). You could spend 98 minutes in worse ways.
Resident Evil: Retribution 3D
This movie follows the same ol Resident Evil format: nearly naked Milla Jovovich, zombie guys, other guys, some sort of evil artificial intelligence. This iteration adds absolutely nothing. Although, the 3D was finally what I’m looking for in a 3D movie: shit flying at me through the screen. DO THIS MORE, MOVIES. LESS SUBTLETY WITH WHAT IS BASICALLY A GIMICK.
21 Jump Street
Seriously funny, and I wish I hadn't had the most amazing surprise ever ruined for me. Also, props to the makeup artists/editors for making Channing Tatum look handsomer than he is. Should win an Oscar for Best Use of Dick Jokes Without Being Misogynist

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I like revenge flicks. I'm also a fan of movies where gunfire is super loud in the mix for an accurate portrayal of the reality of guns rather than them being just another sound effect. It's an important factor in action movies/scenes for me. And who doesn't like Michael Caine?
This movie had all the basic pieces, so did it deliver? I think so. Mostly. It was slow to get going but I think that was the point. Character development and a building sense of "everything's fucked" and all that. Still, I feel like there was a lot they left unexplored.
Too much harping on Caine's character's oldness and not enough on his interactions with the lady FBI agent and the bar owner. Too much layered commentary on the UK's no-gun policy leaving the police gimped and useless against gun-toting criminals and not enough of Caine figuring shit out and shooting his way to the top. The end was too sudden and the big reveal felt rushed.
I liked it but I feel like it could have been a bit more grandiose than it was without writing a ton of new material.
I'd forgotten how much potential Lindsay Lohan had before she went all crazy. She could'a been on Skins, man.
I would say that this movie is a caricature of high school but the truth is I wouldn't have a clue either way. I've heard from various sources that apparently people had friends in high school and did things like kiss girls and go to parties just like in this movie. But that seems otherworldly to my black hole of a school-age existence, and comparing this one to Skins, well, things were quite tame here at North Shore.
It's been a long while since I first watched this movie, but Mean Girls holds up much better than, say, Super Troopers, a drama/comedy from the same era. Plus, there are pretty girls to look at instead of a fat man's dinger.
PS: Did I mention I love Skins? Because I love Skins. And italics.
Let me just say this right now before you put words in my mouth: I loved this movie. It was one of the best adaptations of A Book I Loved that I have seen in my shortish life. Jennifer Lawrence, hooray! That guy who played Peeta, hurrah! Woody Harrelson, sure why not!
Here are my three favorite things:
1. They took their time and got (almost) everything in.
2. They didn't bother giving the muttations have everyone's face.
3. TUCCI
Here are my three gripes:
1. Peeta-as-rock. Come on, dude didn't have a mirror, just some mud and stuff.
2. Too much Snow. He's supposed to be a mystery at this point.
3. Not enough violence.
LET ME BE CLEAR:I am not violence hungry, nor did I enjoy those parts in the book. But the fundamental problem with Hunger Game mania is that the BOOK IS ABOUT HUNGER GAME MANIA. WHY DOES NO ONE REALIZE THAT THEY ARE BEING CAPITAL PEOPLE?? The movie should have foregone hopes of getting a PG-13 rating and been as gory as the book was. There's no reason to treat this stuff lightly. This country forces children to tear open other children with machetes, twist their necks, shoot arrows at them, and otherwise maim and kill innocent people. It's a cautionary tale about a dystopian society being controlled and hoodwinked via reality television. Children die, people get misty like they're watching a movie. It's not real to them. And the movie, in my mind, had a duty to make it as real as the book did so we can be appropriately horrified.
Instead, we have TEAM PEETA shirts, Hunger Games effing nail polish colors (I've got District 8! Wooo suffering!), and gleeful little girls pretending to be Katniss. Yes, it's cool that a woman kicks some ass, and yes, you should absolutely look up to strong role models, but this is the portrayal of a civilized society that's normalized barbarianism and legalized slavery. A civilized society with colorfully painted nails, I might add. It's in poor taste, and I'd appreciate it if everyone started using the old noggin once in awhile before points are completely lost.
1) Cut a hole in a box, 2) Put your Dybbuk in that box 3) WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T OPEN THE BOX.
Man, this has got to the be the longest buildup to a lacking payoff. I'm what you might call "bad at movies" so I don't know (nor do I care) if the writers were trying to make some sort of statement.
What I do care about, however, is how great the movie this movie stopped being about 45-50 minutes in actually was. There were characters and plots and foreboding. And it was all thrown away seemingly at random after a couple minutes of staring at Salma Hayek's impossibly curvy body. #demhips
It so quickly devolved into a campy spectacle after being good and interesting... What else could I possibly have felt but, "God dammit, I want the other movie back"?

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Vanilla Sky
Guys, I liked this, and I normally hate WAS IT ALL A DREAM stories. But was this all a dream? I DUNNO?! (No, it wasn't. (OR WAS IT!?)). Tom Cruise might be at his peak attractiveness in this film, and Penélope Cruz is just the best ever always. Plus Cameron Diaz really plays a sex-crazed, crazy lady (surprisingly) pretty well.
Captain America
Really interesting portrayal of a country who needed a symbol, and a guy with a really…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
25 years ago Nicholas Cage starred in a movie in which he didn't seem out of place. This is that movie.
As is common with most cult movies I see, I didn't "get" it. I guess that's what makes cult movies culty. They require multiple viewings until all the quirks and weirdness become lovable.
Ain't nobody got time for that. So, for me, it was and likely shall remain somewhat plodding and stupid with some funny bits scattered about. Charming as he may be, watching John Goodman yell for a solid three minutes out of the movie's ninety is only so entertaining.
If nothing else it got me to narrate my Saturday night in a deep southern accent for an hour afterward. At times I wonder why I spend all my Saturdays alone in my apartment. This is not one of those times.
It's not a Weekend at Bernie's prequel.
This movie is terrible. It is unrecognizable from its (wonderful and amazing) origins and has become something totally unacceptable to show kids. What's the point? Not only does the writing suck, but Michael Bay's out there ruining the Transformers canon! Optimus Prime says stuff like "Kill them all!" and "You die!" before ripping Megatron's head off? There's a set of NASCAR Transformers (which is a cool modernization) but they all have machine guns strapped to them? So much cursing! I want to delete this movie franchise from existence.

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Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
A lot of this movie feels like a quirky film designed to collect Oscar noms--WHICH IT DID. The kid (Thomas Horn, who won some money on Kids Jeopardy) had some great scenes which are worth watching. But most interesting is seeing 9/11 become a story telling vehicle. I wonder if we'll see more of that?
Bear with me, BEAR WITH ME, but I sort of think Glenn Close wasn't that well cast. I wouldn't have been fooled. Maybe if she'd had less plastic surgery. Anyway, legit movie, Ireland is cool, I can't stand that one dude who plays Joe, and I do like upstairs/downstairs stuff. PLUS! The girl from Upstairs, Downstairs is IN IT!