I should be writing

every time i want the 🤬 emoji i go into the search thing & start typing "fuck" & it takes me a solid second to remember they would not name it the Fuck Emoji

am i allowed to text friends i have not spoken to in awhile or will they gather and beat me with sticks send post

You have to pee in the shower to get into heaven

maintaining relationships with people is so difficult for no good reason. what are you supposed to do when you miss someone and want to talk to them more? Say you miss them and that you want to talk to them more? That's all bullshit

I hope you get your favorite food this week and your favorite drink and your favorite 2k dollars

you have to assume that everything i say on here is a joke unless it isnt and if youre not sure you can always ask. and i'll probably lie

Setting my dad up on the couch with Seinfeld and a dead playstation controller so he thinks he's controlling george