Stockholm Syndrome

why is lotion so annoying to apply i want to be soft and smooth but this is too much

Mr. City

#mr city was my father please call me owl

You forgot Big Bang Theory

I DID, HOW COULD I

The world’s tiniest dragon must defend his hoard, a single gold coin, from those who would steal it.

Bonus: the coin eventually passes to the rogue in a group of travelling adventurers. The dragon becomes the mascot of the entire group, and they lay out a small pile of coins for him to sleep on every night, clutching his coin like a teddy bear.

This is so pure I am in love

‪What part of “i don’t wanna spend anymore money” don’t I understand

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip always feels like you are an unsupervised 8 year old who was given money.

Some stupid fish crawled out of the water 35 million years ago and now we have to deal with taxes smh

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wish customer service jobs operated w video game standards, so a customer would come up to me and i’d say “greetings traveler! looking to trade?” and they’d only had 4 options for their response 

i’d just stand there wiping down the same part of the counter for 8 hours until my shift ended and then id drop everything and walk away and if you tried to interact with me i’d just keep running into you silently until you moved 

[walks around with an entire big mac in my mouth but never actually biting down] It’s a metaphor, see: you put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don’t give it the power to do its killing.

you took this from a fault in our stars augustus does the same thing only with a cigarette ok ok

i don’t know what you’re talking about this is an excerpt from my upcoming 100% original novel “the fart in our stalls”