This is something I have been working on for a while but the New Year has given me motivation to push harder.
-Put myself first before others for a change.
-Do what makes me happy.
-Eat a more balanced diet
-Make sure I get enough sleep each night
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

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@neenn
This is something I have been working on for a while but the New Year has given me motivation to push harder.
-Put myself first before others for a change.
-Do what makes me happy.
-Eat a more balanced diet
-Make sure I get enough sleep each night

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Is He Here?
I’m not particularly fond of you
I just like the idea of having you
You poison my dreams.
I awake soaked in terror
My sheets bundled on the floor
I wish I’d kicked you off instead.
I would take back the ‘I love you’ that I spat out in pitty
Queasy.
I wish I could throw up my memories and drain them away like they never mattered to me
You can’t miss what you can’t remember
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White haired head leans in to his hands to hide the tears that threaten to swallow the last bits of his resilience.
An American tragedy all those families crying out loud, what a shame for America the proud.
An anti-Semite takes another life tonight.
Another, skin head,
another neo nazi,
and the president panders to them with hidden nods to the ideas they salute.
Makes me want to puke, or drop from a plane with no parachute because these dudes have no compassion, and smashing my body into the form of a pancake might make people take this serious.
Another, white haired head leans in to their hands to hide the tears that threaten to swallow the last bits of their resilience.
-2018

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Tomorrow I will see both my brothers together for the first time in over 6 years. We got separated when the abuse at home started. I’ve seen them briefly individually but we are finally going to be together again... I can’t wait.
I wonder what life has in store for me...
Is this happiness only temporary?
Robot boys, metal jammed god dammed hot gears burning, synthetic sounds static blaring, nobody caring.
Chrome gleaming engine screaming in lust ready rust or bust a robust nut.
Don’t startle them or they will bolt.
Pre-programed young to old man machines made to work drink and act like jerks while they are jerked around.
Till they finally shutdown, no reboots or sequels just scrap for the junkyard.
-2018
I have so much rage inside me and so can’t focus... I can’t even put it into words.
I’m dead. Who made this ?😭

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reading in head: i’m practically a master of linguistics my pronunciations are perfect beyond compare
reading aloud: *chokes on spit*
Good Morning
I’m falling
So hard
For you.
Be there to catch me?
I don’t feel good enough.
It’s okay to not be okay

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Vices
I know I’m a hypocrite for doing stuff like smoking at an anti-corporation rally
But I need something to do
I would end all my vices right now
If i didnt need something to help me cope with the world and all its awfulness
Not exactly to make it worthwhile
More like bearable
I know I’m sending these businessmen my money but it’ll get there anyway
I don’t use Amazon but Jeff Bezos still exists and has far more money than compassion
And I know I’ve already written one about smoking
But I don’t have a lot going on so I work with what I’ve got
And what I have is an addiction to something I’m fundamentally against
In a world I want to fundamentally change or tear down before it tears me down
I’m just some depressed kid with a poor amount of self control and ideas above his station
But I don’t want that to get to me so I’ll take any distraction going
Even if it means buying into the same crap that I preach against so I don’t fold in on myself
I’ve seen self-professed anarchists morph into corrupt and broken shills for the system
John Lydon let down generations when he backed Trump but we all knew he was a dickhead long before then so it hurts less
I wish there were something else I could do that wouldn’t make me hate myself more but mental illness is a wall that I can’t climb over
So while I look for a sledgehammer to knock that son of a bitch down I will cope in any way I can
Because somewhere deep down beneath the longing to kill myself is a want to see the future
Something better that makes all this worth it
Something that tells me to keep making jokes so I don’t become the punchline
And then, maybe, I can be happy
Powerful 💙