so i put my hands up theyre playing my song the evil skull flies away

I think people would be less suicidal if they were allowed to talk about being suicidal without risk of being sent to the Torture Dungeon

I SHOWED IT TO MY FLIGHT ATTENDANT WHEN HE GAVE ME MY COOKIES AND HE LAUGHED SO HARD HE TOOK MY PHONE TO SHOW IT TO THE OTHER FLIGHT ATTENDANT

I don’t know how you got a good grade in being a passenger on an airline but that’s a totally normal thing to achieve and I’m not seething with jealousy at all.

i got that dog in me but it's poorly socialized and i don't take it on as many walks as i should

there is nothing quite like asking a cat in a doorway “in or out”

you stole dog blood

actually fucking disgusting that glasses cost any money like if you actually think about it for more than a few seconds it is so unconscionably inhumane. this goes for things like insulin and mobility aids and hearing aids too ofc but fuck man, fucking glasses? the thing you need to fucking see? its genuinely sickening and inhumanly evil that those cost ANYTHING.

Imagine the level of whimsy I could reach if I just had $5M in my bank account rn

I went to the bathroom and still heard the metal pole clanks and heard him say "how am I supposed to prepare myself for this!?"