Unspoken Definites

June ~ Scoliosis awareness month

Being 28 and with severe scoliosis (45+ degrees), Ive realized the importance of making peace with my body. One of the hardest parts about having scoliosis is that it never goes away. You will always have it. Even if u have a fusion, bracing or another method of treatment, it is something that you carry with you forever. And that's okay.

Yes, it does cause a huge amount of physical, mental and emotional pain (with the emotional turmoil being the hardest to cope with). But its ok.

When I started to accept my scoliosis, with the fact that it wasnt going away - my days started to get better. For years, I've been fighting myself, wishing I was someone else. I was causing myself a huge amount of unnecessary pain. This realization didnt happen overnight. It took me so many years. And sometimes, it does still affect my perception of myself. You just have to remind yourself time to time that your spine doesnt define you.

Now as I get older, I just want to make peace with my condition. Dont ever wear your skin like a drunken apology. Stop the pity party. Surprise and confidently look straight into the eyes of your bully. Show them that their senselessness doesnt affect you anymore. Stop whining. Be active. Fight chronic pain with the endorphins you get from exercise. Dont be afraid to consult with your doctor and have your follow ups (cause I've been there). I promised myself to take better care of myself this year and will resume my follow up check-ups as well. We owe it to ourselves to take care of our own body.

Until him, all I knew was a bad kind of love --

A love that was uncertain, draining, and difficult.

The love with him is different.

And if I asked you to name all the things that you love,

.

.

Camping Trip: Pangasinan Edition

If you're from Pangasinan or Nueva Vizcaya and want to go camping somewhere relatively nearer (instead of going to Baguio, Rizal or Zambales), then you should book your next adventure and nature trip to Malico. This quaint barangay is located in the municipality of San Nicolas, Pangasinan, about 40 kilometers away from the town proper and adjoins the provincial boundary with the province of Nueva Vizcaya. From Mangaldan, it took us roughly 2 hours to get there by car. Currently, the only mode of transportation available is through a private vehicle or motorcycle. Just make sure to be prepared as you drive ahead -- counting more than a hundred twists and turns in the zigzag road going up, Malico might have gotten its name from this. Maliko sa Malico, which means "many turns" or "maraming liko".

We booked our camping trip at Kindao Farmville and Campsite, just 1km before the Malico Viewpoint. You can either bring a tent or rent their A-type cabins: 1-3 pax is worth 1,500 php, while cabins for 3-6 pax is 2,500 php. You can park your car within the vicinity of the registration site or opt to pay additonal 500 php if you want to bring your car inside to carcamp or if you just have so many things to unload from your vehicle.

We also brought our own stock of food and rented one of their portable butane gas stoves at 250 php to cook rice and our meals for the rest of the overnight stay. We cooked Korean ramen with shabu shabu and melted cheese for dinner, the perfect complimentary comfort food to the cold, chilly weather of Malico.

Bring marshmallows, hotdogs and beers for the bonfire at night! 1 bundle of bonfire wood is 150 php.

Also, dont forget to step-up your A game for a highly entertaining night amongst you and your friends -- bring all your card games (uno or pusoy dos would have been fun lol); or those board games that we used to love so much back in the days. In our case, we chose to play the game "Never Have I Ever" while quaffling down on our beers.

Not much is provided per campsite, so it would be a good reminder to bring your own tables, foldable chairs, cooking utensils and emergency lights, as well, for the holistic camping experience. 😉

Unfortunately, our trip was cut short the next morning because of how crazy the weather turned out. We were met with strong winds and scattered rain showers brought by the Amihan. And so, we decided to leave earlier than what was initially planned. We couldn't sleep soundly inside the cabin all throughout the night because you could wretchedly feel the cabin shaking and rocking along with the strong gusts of the wind.

I would recommend booking your trip there during summer when the weather is ideal. Overall, it was still a very fun, wild and memorable (this is an understatement) experience despite the less favorable weather the following day. I definitely would want to come back there again sometime in the future just to unplug from the world and reconnect more with nature and the company of good friends.

Keeping up with the world is draining, but it doesn't mean that I need to walk fast in order to grow. There is no haste for growth, it is a process that is taken individually. I want to enjoy every step I take without overlooking its beauty and blotches. Experiences will help me get there and not the time the world has set for me, but my own timeline.

Regardless, it was an experience. To create memories, to curate music, as you were once a song in my playlist. I no longer cry over finished and hanging chapters. Now, I can barely recall your lyrics when you play in familiar places. But it is fine, there is nothing heavy in my chest upon hearing the melodies. I still believe we end up meeting different kinds of people for different reasons. Im still thankful for having crossed paths with people I no longer talk to today. I'm letting all these beautiful connections pass through me without any attachments. Because I know, the right things will always stay. You will never lose what is for you.

You can aim for my heart, go for blood.