The saddest think about TSOA is how melancholy the writing is, how the narrator (Pat) rushes thru the event of his past in one chapter or two, because it's obviously something he would rather forget...just mentioning the thick details, hell he doesn't even mention his sisters...
but when his time with Achilles comes, it's all slow, every expression noted down, every tilt of the head, the way sun shined on his hair, the way his eyes crinkled, everything.
It gets even more clear during the war, how little he describes of the near ten year experience of the deaths, killing, saving, how little of the battles he fought or the people he mended...it is all Achilles, Achilles this and Achilles that.
You know what's making me kind of teary while writing this? I feel as if the book was written during Pat's time alone in the world. Notice how the narration shifts to present tense as soon as Pat dies, notice how it stays that way. It's like..him sitting there by Achilles grave and he's recalling all the story to Thetis, right? And he's teary, but cant cry cuz he has no tears left to cry, and he's stuck in a trance, in his longing for his Achilles and he does not care that Thetis is his mother...he just goes on with the story and he says things like....
like..imagine Par's form leaning on to Achilles' tombstone, staring at the empty sky..and his face is expressionless, his eyes holding all the grief unimaginable and he goes.. “I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind,"...then his voice cracks, "by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world.”...then tears rolling down the cheeks, a sad smile on lips.
and that quote.. “We were like gods at the dawning of the world, & our joy was so bright we could see nothing else but the other.”
the writing feels so nostalgic. It's not as if the characters are living, it's that they have lived. And the narrator knows how their story ends but he cant help but recall all the beautiful parts, all the softness of Achilles, all the childhood games...and when I think about the "we were like gods.." quote, I always tear up, cuz I think Pat too was in tears when he said that.
"I am made of memories" and the whole fucking book is a memory. In the end, when Thetis writes his name, he sums it all up whit just one short sentence (last sentence of the book) and it's like..he's so done with Achilles' absence that he cannot wait a second more, not to finish their story, not to give some kind of fancy ending..no hugs, kisses, apologies, no dialogues or no description of their emotions or expression...just..
..our hands meet and there could never be a greater miracle in the existence of the universe
fuck you Madeline
