Moonies, Sunnies, Wolfs & Co

It's not that bad...

I think to myself, on most days while trying to do my job right, taking care of others

Only to break down silently at night over it...

I still feel them...

I still have the slight bump...

One would say it didn't happen to the body so it can't be physically present...

But in a way it did...

And only few of us acknowledge it...

Because none of us can deal with it properly...

Deal that our body is not meant to grow tiny cute babies...

Not meant to take care and do what we dreamed of since being able to think...

It hits me differently of course, because of my own babies...

Not that it's easier...

Sometimes, just when I'm about to fall asleep, I feel the tiny little kicks

And just for a moment...

For a tiny moment...

I think my babies will be in my arms the next time I open my arms, all cuddled to me like little freshly backed loafs, only waking me up to feed and cuddle happily back to sleep...

Maybe it happenes...

If there is at least one universe where I get to keep my babies

And our body can bare them...

Maybe...maybe that's enough...

Or so I try to tell myself while hugging over the never endingly empty belly...

What do you want us to do, choose the option actively harming & killing us while also taking our rights away and actively multiple times stating they wish they could all eliminate this whole population if they just could for the "greater good", while they use the money meant to save us to get richer themselves?

Voting of course is very important, but we refuse to give a vote to those people.

Because of various factors those populations getting harmed cannot invest the money, time and energy in running a party.

And we should know as we know the most active people and spokespeople for it & actively help them as best we can with our input and story

We also had the "lovely" chance to speak & interact with said political figures and I can inform you they are horrible shitty people and we will not hype them up.

Will this change anything?

Sadly no, and I wished it could, I wish we could change something, but we can't.

That's like saying to a POC they should vote for either party A that wants to enslave them, party B who wants to enslave and murder the not "useful ones" or party C who doesn't stop anyone from enslaving, doesn't plan to but never stated their option on it directly, and if they don't, they are horrible people and actively for enslavement and shouldn't complain about it

For a number of factors I can guarantee you...we aren't.

And we never will be.

You mean the people that choose not to vote because they think it doesn't affect them, that they are safe.

Those privileged enough that look at everything and know they will be on the safe side no matter what. (Or at least they think so)

We don't vote because, from where we are, all options not only absolutely ignore the rights and needs of people like us, no they 9/10 also actively do (try) to take our rights away and wish we wouldn't exist and would gladly help in that regard.

Like, "the best" we can vote for is a party that ignores that population and don't wish to be informed, yet alone change something.

And our current government (and the previous) and the favourite all actively destroy, take away and limit our fucking rights

I won't apologise to not vote for people actively trying and making it work so people like us get harmed, killed and all rights taken away for simply existing and/or asking for help.

No, fucking sorry, we won't vote for any of them, if the best there is, is just someone actively ignoring us, talk to us when at least one tries to fight for our rights and it's not just a slogan to instead take those rights away and make it even worse

That complain about why they need to put money into us and towards us and the researching, so they change laws just to get that money into their own pockets.

Those who only use us for their benefit but fuck on our needs and situations, laughing at us at any given moment

The first time we did testing for something (a severe chronic illness) we not only needed to wait for almost a year for it, it also came back saying "Oh dang, you're super healhy, nothing is wrong hun!"

The test was not made right, we were not contiuos nor reactive for the entire bit nor the hours after, the mehanic parts of the table were broken and the person overseeing us was much more intrested in the sexy female patient in the other room and even had to physically hold us upwards because the contraction didn't keep us safe.

We were sent home with a smile and "there is nothing wrong!" paper.

A year later (now freshly an adult) we repeated the test because our doctor (the only one diagnosing/specialising in the disorder in the whole ass country) insisted to retake it so we are absolutley sure (because of some other stuff that could be comorbid, we also already had the diagnosis by him already there).

Completly same test, same doctor signed under on the report, just now done right.

Yeah, welp it had to be fucking cut short because if it would continue for only a half minute more we would have gone into cardic arest and needed reanimation!

Despite the results being in a way better than last time and results far better than ours would be already considered bad

Or the time we were sent home after being hospitaled after coming from the ER because the most severe pain we ever felt was supposedly a "panic attack" and it's written in the report by a psychologist that didn't know us and never even fucking saw us, only for it to be later found that it was a fucking heart problem

(This report is btw still used to discradite us despite multiple of other papers saying what it is and listing our health issues and the severity of it)

Or what about that time our pediatrician refused to sent us to an orthophedian or even look at our hip because "Well, it's probably nothing, she's always in pain", resulting in never treating a very fucking treatable injury, making us not have mobility (or be painfree) and able to use our hip properly or without intense pain impairing us a lot

Or the time our mother had to argue with the ER doctor to let us get an X-ray and for the love of god take us serious, only for him to threaten her that he will call CPS and she would need to pay for it because "it's all fine" and "nobody can get actually hurt like this" despite our medical history making it very clear our bones are trash, only for the bones in our wrist being very broken

Or all the fucking times our mother was screamed at by doctors that she "doesn't feed us enough", cause we're were so severly underweight only to find out later we have severe stomach issues (we were a litterally baby)

Or when a doctor told my mother that she was being an "idiotic woman" because she had driven us to the hospital after ER said they think we have a pleumothorax (yeah, these are not connected here and no, amnublances only take you when you're actively dying/they tell you to drive yourself cause it's faster), because the only doctor, in her words, we ever would need is a psychiatrist

Or when a doctor and two nurses held us up in the air, leaving so dark marks it showed for a month, only to write in her report that we were lying about our professionally diagnosed diagnosis we got from a very real and reformed doctor

Or when once our CT was cut short (ergo not run completly) because the medic running it was thinking we would code, only for the doctor to later deny it only writting the test was "not particularly special" but refusing to give out the CD of it

Or all the times our pediatrician refused to give us pain meds cause "she's a child, she can't be in serious pain", only to later be told by a professional diagnosing us, that by our symthoms alone (pain not counted in) they have zero clue how tf we could even function and not physically colapse cause it's usually that bad

Or, or, or,....

Because those were only a few of our expiriences, there are so many from us alone (not counting in our brother or mother and grandmother and their shitty health storys), there are so many more that our Therapist and us joke how that if we would write it up it would be longer than most avarage books

So fucking sorry if you find it unbelivable that doctors/specialists don't ever fucking make a mistake or test being false/wrong, I would love to fucking have your life and never have to deal with this shit

But it's real and milions of people expiriance it, so perhaps you are the one being wrong and shitty to fakeclaim/not belive people just cause you're privilliged enought to not have to expirience stuff like this