Ships

“You don’t find it, son. You make it.”

“That’s love.” 

This episode always hits me really hard. Buck is scared he’s falling back into old habits, never really understanding what love means. Not until he sees the two elderly men so in love. I think it really opens his eyes and his heart. He looks at their pictures of all their adventures, living their best lives, and it touches him. And while he’s experiencing this, Eddie is by his side through all of it.  

Which brings me around to Buddie of course. Throughout all the episodes, we’ve seen them getting closer and closer, even Buck bonding and putting his life on the line for Christopher. Buck and Eddie have been through a lot together, the good, the bad, and the ugly. They are partners through it all. 

But Eddie Begins isn’t just a big episode for Eddie, it’s a big episode for Buck. Just like the elderly man felt when the love of his life died, I feel like we saw this same glimpse of horror within Buck when he thought Eddie was dead. The elderly man literally didn’t want to live without his other half, and I feel like Buck experienced that as well. 

This was when he realized, not only could he not lose Eddie, but how he really feels for Eddie, although the falling for him, was happening all along. This was the realization. 

{Buck, Actually / Eddie Begins - 2 big episodes for Evan Buckley. Cannot wait to see what Buck Begins will bring for this character & this relationship between Buddie}

Now, talking to his therapist, I believe that Buck is really ready to open himself up to others again. What he hides inside. The love he’s hid for far too long. He’s ready to open the door on that next chapter of his life, overcoming traumas and trials in his life as he heals and grows. Moving forward, and being authentically himself.

“How I hide my feelings from others. I’m starting to think you might be right.”

Like Buck admitting that he hides his true feelings from others???

On a show that really promotes communication between partners???

Perhaps getting Buck ready to be a better, more open partner with someone????

Maybe someone who also has trouble talking about their feelings so one of them needs to learn to be more open???