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@mypathofgrowth

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embarrassment has good bones
Quote of the day
Iām seeing a lot of people saying this post changed their brain chemistry, and as a neuroscientist I wanted to say yes!!! Yes it does!
Wanting something requires dopamine signaling, but liking something doesnāt.
If you have a mental illness/disorder that affects dopamine, you might feel that you donāt want to do the things that you like. You do still like them. You will appreciate having done them.
Let your likes guide you.
(If you want to read more, hereās one experimental paper about it. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5171207/ This theory called the incentive-sensitization theory was originally created to explain behaviors in addiction but can be applied elsewhere as well)
Rewards are both ālikedā and āwantedā, and those two words seem almost interchangeable. However, the brain circuitry that mediates the psych
Per @spoonstrek
One of the more profound things Iāve heard recently came from a Mr. Rogers documentary. In a clip from his show, Mr. Rogers had just visited with a musician, and tells his audience that some people play music, and some people donāt, and thatās okay.
And then he said, āThe important thing is to find something you feel good about doing.ā
That phrasing struck me. āSomething you feel good about doingā. Most people would have phrased it as āsomething you enjoy doingā. Or āsomething youāre good at doingā. But Mr. Rogersā subtly different phrasing leads to a profoundly different connotation. āSomething you feel good about doingā may not be enjoyableāpeople who work in hospitals or in disaster zones might not enjoy much of their day, but they probably feel good about helping people. āSomething you feel good about doingā may not be something youāre particularly good atāyou may be a terrible artist by any objective standard, but if you feel good about making your art, then itās a worthwhile endeavor. Looking for āsomething you feel good about doingā can help you find a truly satisfying life path.
That phrase is also helpful with daily decision-making. Too often, I can make choices based on āwhat feels good.ā I put aside tasks that are too stressful or avoid activities that seem too difficult, in favor of mindlessly browsing the internet. And I enjoy myself. I feel good while Iām doing that. But at the end of the day, I donāt feel good about how I spent my time. However, reminding myself to do āsomething I feel good about doingā can motivate me to accomplish those more difficult tasks. It can push me to do something outside of my comfort zone, to try something new that I might not be much good at. And maybe this is a blindingly obvious philosophy to everyone else. But Iām grateful for the reminder.Ā

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When I was training to be a battered womenās advocate, my supervisor said something that really blew my mind:
āYou can always assume one thingĀ about your clients; and that is that they are doing their best. Always assume everyone is doing their best. And if theyāre having a day where their best just isnāt that great, or their best doesnāt look like your best, you have to be okay with that.ā
Any now whenever anyone in my life, either a friend or a client, frustrates me, disappoints me, or pisses me off, I just tell myself They are doing their best. Their best isnāt that great today, but I have days where my best isnāt that great either.Ā
Op Iād like to thank you for sharing this. Ever since the first time Iāve read it Iāve held it in my mind and it really has helped me to be kinder to others and to myself.
Nothing Iāve read has changed me more than āyou do people a favor by accepting their helpā like I repeat this constantly to so many people because itās true!!! People like to feel useful, they like to feel kind, they like to feel like they have an ability to impact peopleās lives so just let them!! Not everything is a thing to be owed back ā accept peopleās kindness without making a competition out of it
Donāt forget to imagine the best case scenario too
your bare minimum isnāt actually that bare or minimum. my dad once told me that thereās nothing in this world thatās easy and thatās true tbh. everything we do takes energy, time, and effort. even the little things. if you feel like youāre not doing enough please try to think about your circumstances and whatās currently available to you: chances are, thereās something thatās diverting or otherwise draining you. and to pull away from that and get something done regardless? well, i think thatās really admirable! please try to take pride in the things you do accomplish in a day, no matter how small or trifling you perceive them to be. you canāt be proud of your growth if you donāt notice where you already are!

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forgive the version of you that didnāt know any better
forgive the version of yourself that knew better but did it anyway. forgive every version of yourself. we are constantly learning from our mistakes.
forgive the version of you that didnāt know what to do and could not have foreseen what the right choice was, if there even was one. forgive the version of you that made a choice and regretted it.
Someday your hands will be old and wrinkled, the skin spotted and bunching over your knuckles. And a child will watch you make something. It's a simple task, you'll have done it a thousand times before. But to that child, the smooth, confident way your hands move will seem like impossible magic. You have to keep living.
prev these tags have me crying. this is absolutely what it's all about
I promise you haven't fucked up as badly as you think you have.
A wise mentor once said to me while I was student teaching: "Did you actually fuck it up, or did it just not go how you expected it to go?"
Life changing words.
idk what other disabled person needs to hear this but if you need someone to do something for you that would be very difficult for you to do but very easy for them to do, that is a small favor. you dont have to feel gratitude and guilt at scale based on how hard it would be for you to do it disabledly

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i beat myself up for not knowing enough about my special interests a lot but then i remember the average person off the street has no idea what the carboniferous is and i feel better
are you really bad at it or are you in "good at it" spaces
"are you really bad at it or are you in 'good at it' spaces" has derailed so much self-hate since I read it
this is a load bearing sentence in my psyche and I can't believe it's only 2 months old
this is your gentle reminder to stop fighting against your adhd and instead structure your life around it
buy a pack of chapsticks and put one in the pocket of all of your coats and jackets because you always forget to bring one and chapped lips is sensory hell
leave important things where you can see them. if they go in a box or a drawer you will forget they exist
put any appointments or deadlines in your phone calendar As Soon As you get them. set a reminder for a week before, a day before, an hour before, as many as you need as often as you need them.
when that little voice in your head says "i dont need to write that down, ill remember it" that is the devil talking!!! write it down anyway!!
plan for down time. have a few hours at the end of every day to just do fun stuff like engage in your hyperfixations. even if you didnt get all of your work done that day, have the rest anyway. you probably spent the whole day beating yourself up for not doing what you Should be doing, so you still need the break.
if you never eat vegetables because its too much effort to chop and cook them, get the frozen or canned shit. it doesnt go off for ages and you just have to microwave it. theres no point buying fresh vegetables if they just keep going off and being left to rot in the bottom of your fridge
if you struggle to decide what to have for dinner every day, take the decision out of it. choose a set of meals and eat those on rotation until you get sick of them, then choose some new ones and do it again.
its not stupid if it works! our brains literally have a chemical deficiency. you are allowed to accommodate yourself. go forth and stop making your life more difficult than it has to be because "this shouldn't be this hard". it is hard, so make it easier.
You are allowed to accommodate yourself.