Not real therefore immortal

The sketches looked nice this time so you can see them :))

To preface all I'm going to say below, first of all it’s only my opinion, and second please don’t spoil me *anything* about inquisition or veilguard as I know absolutely nothing !

Dragon age 2 was a poorly paced rpg with extremely mid gameplay, riddled with bugs, has a disappointing ending, questionable politics, dogshit dress up, it’s maddeningly repetitive and blatantly obvious all it’s corners got cut because it’s a dumbed down rushed sequel............. but I had much more fun playing it then dao gkgkkg

It’s art direction was much stronger for one (even if very hit or miss- like the 2D artstyle, the statues and qunari redesign are a huge yes for example ! The fashion design, whitewashing Isabela in the artworks and what the elves look like is very much a no tho-), it’s mercifully shorter, but what really made it great was that it finally nailed something dao was desperately trying to do but in my opinion never managed ... the over the top edgyness is finally hitting right ! Because in this one it has such a fanfictiony feel in the best way possible. That and they toned down the sexism, it’s still there but imo much more tolerable-

But without further ado !

Varric !!!!!

Varric my absolute beloved, it’s insane how good his character is and how much he improves the characters around him- every new detail about him is more charming than the last ;; how does he do it ??

He's committing tax fraud, he writes popular gay erotica, he is bisexual, he has good banter with all party members, he is funny, he is nice, a banger design....... his only major character flaw is that I can’t romance him. This, is a travesty. Wdym game ?? Why would you not make your best character a romance option ???? Shame.

The whole sequence in the family business quest were it makes you play a fight that is very *unrealistic* with only him, then at the end it seamlessly reminds you that Varric is the narrator- truly one of the only sequence in the franchise so far were I thought oh that’s really cool ! And cleverly written ?? Also the first time the whole "Varric is telling the story to some cop lady" framing interested me ngl djdjdk so far I thought it was a bit awkward and clumsy storytelling, but after that ? After it reframes everything that has happened so far by reminding me it’s all Varric’s narration and he can lie ? I'm hooked. The scene at the end of the Legacy quest were he makes up a last discussion between Hawke and their recently dead mom ? That’s such a sweet and sad way to show how much Varric cares- using the whole narrative device as a way to better characterize him, since what is shown to you is what he deems important to tell, is honestly genius. Too bad it doesn’t quite stick the landing- leaving you with a resounding "wait that’s it ? I thought he got in trouble for something or Hawke died but no ? ok ?"

Anders !!! (and Justice ;;)

Anders, my favorite leftist extremist balding girlfriend, nurse by day cop killer by night, will not speak to you about anything other than his manifesto against the government. He has a discord server were everyone speaks like they’re role playing ants and his bio says "meow :33c". He lets his bestie possess his ass, but their combined hatred of the police was too great so shit got ugly fjfjfk A character that comes dangerously close to making me feel cute aggression, I want to wrap him up in a blanket then gnaw his leg like a rabbit dog. I would madame Bovary his ass with estrogen if given the chance.

It’s a shame about Justice tho, I really did enjoy his character a lot in awakening and I think he could have been developed in more interesting ways (and it’s kind of a waste because the possessed by Justice shit is the least interesting part of his character imo :/)....

Although I have to ask, was it necessary to give Anders between Act 2 and 3 the same brain damage they gave Sandra Bullock between Speed 1 and 2 ? Bro why are they all roasting him for his manifesto now of all time ?? Did it get worse ? Am I supposed to get that Justice is slowly eating his brain ? They all talk about how "crazy" he is now, but he... doesn’t seem that different ? Apart from the banger outfit, and how he was talking like he was already dead, I thought his shift in character between act 2 and 3 confusing ? And the fact he doesn’t trusts you no matter what you do was disappointing-

But anyway, I stand with my cancelled wife and our influencer Emma Paris’s ex girlfriend marrying a djihadist ass romance (even if he doesn’t really talk about anything other than the templar vs mages conflict.......)

(Mars) Hawke next ! (Picture provided because I made a custom one of course-)

All I'll say is that you can’t trust me with a purple cringe button- like I would consider any other options ?? Finally a rpg that let’s me role play an overconfident man that thinks he's funny (/pos)

I initially didn’t like him talking, but I got used to it and ended up kinda liking the guy :))

Also idk how much of a controversial opinion that is, but I hated Carver. I hated him and loved every second of it fjjfkd I'm sorry but he was fun to antagonize ! And I like that he joined the templars at the end of act 1 in my game ! What a perfect response to my mage hawke being a shitty brother ! Great drama *and* I don’t have to talk to him anymore :D ! Also I have to say that after the conversation with your mom where she talks about wanting to find love again.... I couldn’t stop thinking she'd romance Bodhan, and so Sandal would have become the third brother- if that happened I could have finally pushed Carver to open violence by being the nicest brother to Sandal :)) of course I wrote this before the quest where she fucking dies djdjdkdk into the fridge she goes for my hawke's man pain ! (Well at least it was one of my favorite quests in the game, such good angst and drama <3)

Isabela !

Isabela's design pissed me off because it’s so close to being great... Why is she not wearing pants ??! Like the rest I have no issues with, she looks like a sick sexy pirate... but the not wearing pants isn’t sexy it’s just dumb ?? I hate men, trying to sell me a woman winny the pooing it at the bar as seductive. It would have been so easy to just give her pants........

At worst you could have made her wear swimsuit bottoms ! Idk because pirates are water themed or something fjfjfi you could have made them in like a color that match her bandana and decorations to match her necklace and jewelry. Would it have been less sexist or ridiculous ? Of course not but at least it would have looked intentional- Because the fact she's just wearing some featureless black underwear makes it much worse for me. It makes me think of a man taking off his barbie doll’s bottoms and pretending it’s long shirt is a dress........ otherwise her character was ok. It’s very obvious she was written by a man, but it’s hard to fail a character whose concept is "sexy pirate captain"

She left me and never returned at the end of act 2, and fair enough !

Fenris-

Fenris, while I get why some people are head over heals for *check notes* the emo bishonen white haired tortured twink with a tragic story and big sword, I was very... conflicted about him.

Like I want to like Fenris, edge boy and stink goblin that he is, but every new information about him makes it harder and harder for me to appreciate his character ngl- like bro is not only pro cops and a snitch, but also catholic *and* he supports magical Marine Lepen ???? Anytime my brain start going "blorbo ?? 👀" some new info shuts down the thought very fast djdjdk but hey, at least he's not boring ! And he does have some very endearing traits, like the detail of Hawke helping him learn how to read (that is of course a throwaway detail in your mansion and not idk a character interaction to show they’re becoming friends ?? Just a thought !), or his banter with Varric or Aveline are very cool ! *And* I do find it very funny that he lives in a decrepit mansion fkfif bitch you had six years to redecorate or at least clean, why do you live like this ??? You have a corpse in your living room it’s been there for six years and *mushrooms* are fucking thriving-

The image of him standing in his house like an npc staring at his bare walls 24/7 slowly getting mold poisoning is very funny to me rjfjkf like it’s canon this guy doesn’t really have friends (outside of *some* of the party + Aveline's husband), doesn’t want a job, doesn’t have hobbies- like what do you *do* Fenris fufjkf

And finally Aveline !

Aveline... aveline is very bland and boring- but ! What saves her for me is 1) her banter with Varric, about him writing very popular stories featuring guards and her trying to convince him to make it about discipline n shit, and him making it about raunchy romances ! It’s sweet, it’s fun and it’s kind of a little red thread during all 3 acts, 10/10 ! 2) the quest were you get front raw sit to the fact she has negative rizz- what a funny quest that gives her a character trait I really like ! Is it sexist this woman gets characterize only by the men in her life (her dead husband, then her new boyfriend), yes. But I'm having fun so I'll give it a pass, also on account of the fact da2 is *way* less sexist then dao overall so I'll forgive this little side step. And 3) her very sweet and touching dialogue near the end of act 2, after Hawke's mother dies. She got me after a while, kind of like Alistaire did in dao

And to finish ! Here is my updated companions tier list <3 because I love to class things <3<3

PS : The end of act 2 let me down so bad- I really thought the game would go for a more diplomatic and nuanced resolution there.... But no we doing the scary foreigners in your land will convert citizens to their barbaric ways before invading you from the inside type beat that americans seem to enjoy a lot for some reason. My bad then