My Soul Was Never My Own

She looked away for a moment. “Listen I um… I want to get back into Stanford,” she said seriously. She surprised herself with the sudden admittance, but if she had to start again, she was going to do it her way. “You… you mentioned something about… getting new IDs? I can hardly be Jessica Moore there any more…”

He looked at his watch. "I'm sorry, Jess. For everything. And that I really should be on the road. I... she just got back from... I don't want to leave her too long." He looked down and pushed the napkin across the table. "I'm sorry... I've got to go. I hope I'll hear from you again." He stood and stopped. He gave her a light kiss on the cheek. "I was good to see you again." He looked down and turned to leave. When he got to the Mustang, he sat for a moment before he pulled out and made his way back toward Oceanside.

But it killed her to think that what happened to her was so forgettable. Even if that wasn’t the intention (and she knew it wasn’t…). But she couldn’t help the way it made her feel. 

He frowned again. "I should... tell you. In... in case. The demon that started everything. The reason I've spent my entire life running from the life. He's been raised too. And I hope to god it won't mean anything for you, but I think you should know." 

“I’m sorry… this was a mistake…” She frowned, her brows knitting together as she stared at her drink.

"Look. I don't know what he told you or why. I don't know what's going on, but I know that I'm safe. A week and a half ago I had to exorcise her to save a friend. A mutual friend who'd been possessed by a demon who meant to hurt us and others. She told me to, because she's not... she still remembers what it means to be human." He sighed. "She's not going to hurt me." He said frowning at his cup of coffee.

And I just… had to know… that you were safe…” She flinched at her own words.

"Of course, I'm safe." He said trying to sound reassuring. He knew she still cared about him, and he did still care about her, but he loved Ruby. Their recent circumstances only proving it further to him.  

Start at the beginning. She looked him in the eye and leaned towards him, lowering her voice. “Someone found me in Sioux Falls. Dick Roman…”

When she said the name, he tensed up. His eyes grew wider, and he swallowed nervously. "What? Jess..." He leaned back, not sure what to think. There was a possibility this wasn't even Jess sitting in front of him. He set the coffee to the side. "What do you mean? What did he want...?"  

It was a shame she had to break all this to him. She swallowed and smiled again. “How have you been?”

"Uhm... okay. Better. Much better than I was." It had been a long time since he'd been able to answer that question honestly. The lie 'fine' had been easy, to tell the truth was still hard even when it was almost the same answer. "How about you? Are you doing alright?" He could only hope she had found some way of living. 

She hoped his drink order hadn’t changed too…

It was still hard to believe she was really sitting across from him at the table. He was almost afraid it would be like the dreams that he'd had for years after her death. He gave her a weak smile, looking at the coffee she'd already ordered him. She remembered... of course she remembered. 

That was just mean. Now that he was nipping and kissing her neck, she didn’t want to let him go even if it was to go in the tub. She tried to slide closer to him, pressing her body against his. She regretfully pushed him away, fighting every instincts that told her to keep him right where he was. “Go take care of the water before I can’t let you go anymore and we flood the entire house,” she said weakly. Oh god, she really wanted to pull him back to her. She watched as he stepped away, hopping down the counter. She pushed her panties down and kicked them away, silently walking back to him. As soon as he turned away, she pulled him into a passionate kiss, pressing herself against him again. “Sam,” she moaned when they broke away. “Please… I miss you. I need you,” she added in a whisper because kissing him once more.

He stepped into the bath, and helped her follow him. Afterward, the two of them sat in together in the tub for a while as she played with the bubbles. They got out drying off and getting dressed for the day. The both happily lay down in bed and put on a movie. For once, Sam made it the entire way through a movie without falling asleep. There were other things they could do, but at the moment it didn't matter. They needed each other more. 

She raised an eyebrow, grinning playfully. “Oh really?” Ruby said just before he moved her. She sat in the bed, pouting until he came back to pick her up. She laughed, quickly wrapping her arms around his neck. When he put her down on the counter, she wrapped her legs around him, keeping him there. “You’re my prisoner now,” she stated before kissing him back. Using the fact that she had a bit more space to move than he did, she pulled away from him and took the flower out of her hair, carefully setting it down on the counter. She then proceeded to take off her shirt and threw it away on the floor before she moved back closer to him, kissing him again. “Now, where were we again?” Ruby asked, grinning.

He leaned back toward her. "Oh, captor? May I turn off the water before it overflows?" he asked placing a kiss on her lips, then another on her jaw, and another on her neck. He'd given himself plenty of time to get over to turn the water off. He gave a soft nip at her neck, letting his teeth drag lightly across her skin. 

She took her time eating, and the fact that his was slightly overdone wasn’t lost on her. Good to know he had obeyed the simple rule of the kitchen. She smiled when he kissed her cheek and she set her tray aside before answering. She moved one leg on the other side of his, straddling his lap. She kissed him slowly, humming at the mix between coffee and maple syrup. “I’m glad to be back,” she said, kissing him again. She had gone to Hell before without getting crushed, so why couldn’t she get her spirits back up in record time? Even if she was mostly pretending, she knew she could have had it worst downstairs then what had happened. She was just grateful she hadn’t ran into Alastair. “So…” she started, dragging the vowel, “what should we do now?” Ruby asked as she gently started to rub his shoulders.

He smiled and kissed her back as she straddle his lap. "Good." He said simply, knowing she would rather be here. That's why she owned the place. "Mmm." He hummed contemplating her question after she kissed him a second time. His shoulders relaxed as she started to rub his shoulders. "I recall a bath being mentioned on our way home from Sioux Falls that never actually happened," he said with a grin. "Maybe we should do that. Stay here." Without waiting for an answer from her, he shifted both of them so he could slip out of bed and into the bathroom. He started the bath water and moved back into the bedroom. He picked her up and carried her into the bathroom, setting her on the counter. He leaned forward and kissed her. 

She smiled brightly when Sam walked into the room with her tray and she put Apollo down, giving him a small push away. “Morning, Charming,” she replied. It was only as she watched him put her tray down that she noticed the orchid on her nightstand. While he went downstairs to get his tray, she picked the flower up and tucked it in her hair, just above her ear. She then reached to take her tray and put it on the mattress, close to her knees, waiting for him to come back. “It smells heavenly good,” she commented when he settled down next to her and she pulled him into a kiss. “Thank you,” she said before digging in. Ruby hummed happily at her first bite and she forced herself to chew carefully. “They’re just as good as they smell. Very well done, Charming,” she said, winking at him.

He was pleasantly surprised to find the waffle was actually pretty good. Overdone, but he'd known that about his. He ate quickly, careful not to get syrup on the bed sheets. He set his tray aside and sipped his coffee as she finished her breakfast. He leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I'm glad you're back. I may have gone crazy... again, if you were gone much longer." Not to mention he would most definitely owe a certain yellow-eyed demon a debt, but all bets were off now that Sam knew what had really happened when he'd seen Ruby in Hell. It made him tense again in anger as he thought about it, but he quickly recovered himself, giving her a wide smile. 

She moved when he suggested she get more sleep. She leaned on her forearms, looking at him, her hair messy. “You want to make me breakfast?” Ruby asked, grinning brightly. “I don’t know. Surprise me. Something homemade would be good,” she flopped on her back, crossing her arms under her head. “Remember the rule! You burn it, you eat it!” Ruby said in a sing-song voice.

Sam laid Ruby's breakfast out on a tray and carried it up the stairs to the bedroom. He smiled as he entered the room. "Morning, Gem," he said setting the tray on her night stand, next to the white orchid. "I have one other thing to grab and I'll join you for breakfast." He said quickly making his way back downstairs to grab his tray, which Nana had set out while he'd taken hers up. He joined her on the bed. It had been since their time on the TARDIS. That was the last time they'd eaten breakfast in bed together. 

The sun streaming through the next morning made her grimace and she burried her face in Sam’s chest the best she could. “Please, make it go away,” she whined, pulling the covers over her head.

He made a soft disappointed sound. He was awake now, and he heard Apollo and Nana moving around downstairs. It sounded as if the maid had taken him out for his morning walk already, and they'd just gotten back. He shifted again peeking under the covers at her. "How about you sleep for a little while longer and I'll be back in a little while with a surprise? Okay not really a surprise. I'll be back with breakfast. What would you like?"

She stifled a yawn before she rested her head on his shoulder. “I could use a real night of sleep,” she said. “Lay down with me?” Ruby asked. Without waiting for an answer she moved to get off his lap and laid down on her back, looking at him.

When the sun began to stream through the windows the next morning, Sam threw an arm over his face. He wasn't ready to move yet. He wanted to lay here for as long as he could. 

She tensed at the tone of he used, but tried to calm him down, and herself at the same time, by keeping on kissing his neck. She pulled away after a moment when she figured it wasn’t helping and frowned. “What’s wrong?” Ruby asked in a small voice. It had been entirely her fault if he had thrown her more deeply into Hell. A lesson she had somewhat learned when Lilith had showed up. “Did I do something wrong?” Ruby asked. Something he said earlier clicked in her mind and her expression fell. “I… I missed our anniversary?” She looked down, biting her lip. “I was looking forward to it,” she whispered. “I had something planned and it was going to be perfect,” she complained.

He took a deep breath, nodding when she asked about missing their anniversary. "By three days." He said quietly. He gave her a small smile. "Well, we could pretend it's tomorrow, unless it had to be on the eighth? It's not too late to celebrate it." He was still trying to pull himself away from the anger he felt toward Azazel, but now was not the time. He'd have time to come up with something against him later. Right now, Ruby needed him to focus on her. That meant he needed to snap out of this. He brushed his hand over her hair, smoothing it out of her face. 

She moved to kiss him, letting out a small moan at the feeling of his lips against hers. God had she missed it. “I almost gave up. When Azazel threw me deeper into the pits, I wanted to give up. I was so far down…” She shook her head, trying to push away the screams she had heard. “But then I told myself I couldn’t. I thought that I couldn’t leave you alone and that I myself couldn’t stay there forever. Not without you.” She moved to nuzzle his neck, breathing in his scent at the same time. Another thing she had missed greatly. “I love you,” she whispered against his skin, placing soft kisses here and there. “You’re my greatest strength you know that?”

He kissed her back. He let his fingers tangle into her hair. When she pulled away and started talking about giving up, he froze. "He what?!" There was an edge of anger in his voice that he tried to hide. Azazel had only told him he'd left her, not that he'd thrown her farther into Hell. His muscles tensed slightly in anger. He put his arms around her relaxing into her as she nuzzled his neck, trying to suppress the anger he felt at this news. His breathing relaxed as she kissed his neck. "I love you, too." He nodded, still somewhat listening to her. In his head, he was angry. There were half a dozen ideas that he knew wouldn't work to make Azazel pay in his head now. That's how he'd known when Ruby should have been back. Because he knew where he'd left her in pits. Then he'd been bold enough to offer help. Sam knew the anger was probably what Azazel wanted, but he couldn't shake it. He should be happy now. Ruby was back in his arms, but he couldn't shake the betrayed anger he felt.