Collection Of My Feelings

I’m over this weekend. People suck. Relationships suck. Can I just move away from everything and everybody. A fresh new start. Please.

So this a response of my crazy emotional feelings from reading your Tumblr and from this past summer. I’m not a writer like you so please bear with me lol. I feel like you’ve been honest with me and I should be completely honest with you.  This summer up till now has been amazing, it’s what I wanted SO badly for us last summer.  It’s felt like old times again but a part of me is still scared and nervous about moving forward. I saw your old Tumblr and the posts from when we were together to that last one Our Story.  You deleted it now but I saw that you were contemplating leaving me for THAT piece of shit no good stoner hoe “pretty face” bitch (I don’t think you understand how much I can’t stand that person). THAT hurt so much to read but deep down I already knew that last year and confirming my doubts and everyone else’s.  I tried so hard from your birthday on to try to get over it and forgive you and I did eventually.  Moving forward after we broke up, I was broken. Like heartbroken to the max like I’ve never felt before and seeing you move on to her so fast was a slap in the face. No, you may not have loved me but I did love you and honestly, there are no words to describe what that felt like being betrayed like that.  I cried myself to sleep, during lunch in my car like the loner I was lol, and cried looking at your snapchats with the one person you told me not to worry about.  I cried when I found out she came down here with you. She came in your car in the seat I sat in when we used to be together. She came and slept in your bed with you where I used to sleep.  And this part kills me, absolutely stabs my heart. I hoped that you hadn’t slept together but when we talked on the phone and you confirmed it, I ugly cried that night.  And reading your Tumblr confirmed it because who else would call you daddy, who else would ride you. I couldn’t believe that you lusted so much after her.  And I can’t stop myself from comparing me to her.  Is that why you want to try new things? Why would you want to go from me to her? Was I not good enough in bed? Who was better for you in bed? Me or her? I want honesty. Ah I’m trying so hard to get past that but I can’t right now. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get past what you did but all I know is that I’m trying 110% to get past that.

Always Me: I never stopped thinking about you that summer. I so badly wanted to forget you forever and get you out of head but no matter what I couldn’t. And for you, it wasn’t until school time that I popped back into your head I’m guessing. Our Story was beautifully written and it’s sad that it had to be written. I wish it had a different ending. A&P: I was waiting eagerly for you to come and say something to me. I hoped you would come up during lab and say something, but you didn’t and I would go back to my room sometimes, go in the shower, and just cry.