Please Don't Go, I'll Eat You Whole

“please do not call me arrogant because what I say is true. i’m european champion, I am not one out of the bottle. I think I’m the special one.”

“its like having a blanket that is too small for the bed. you pull the blanket up to keep your chest warm and your feet stick out. I cannot buy a bigger blanket because the supermarket is closed but the blanket is made of cashmere” alright rich bitch

“I prefer not to speak, if I speak I am in big trouble”

the paraphrased version of I prefer not to speak

“young players are like melons. only when you open and taste the melon are you 100% sure that the melon is good.”

“can messi be suspended for acting? barcelona is a cultural city with many great theatres and this boy has learned very well. he’s learned play-acting.” oh april 2011 how did football survive you

“look I’m a coach. I’m not harry potter”

“I think arsene wenger is one of those people who is a voyeur” - this one is STILL the most batshit, no wonder wenger decked him

on that note he also said: “I don’t think arsene wenger and david dein are so beautiful that they should be viewed as angels.”

ALSO on that note: “he is a specialist in failure” also about wenger. jose should just be a feature on arsenal fan tv

but it’s not just arsene though bc we got this gem: “when you enjoy what you do, you don’t lose your hair, and guardiola is bald. he doesn’t enjoy football.”

“you might as well put a cow in the middle of the pitch, walking. and then stop the game because there was a cow”

“if they made a film of my life, I think they should get george clooney to play me. he’s a fantastic actor and my wife thinks he would be ideal.”

“sometimes you see beautiful people with no brains. sometimes you have ugly people who are intelligent, like scientists.”

“I have nothing, nothing to say. nothing, nothing to say. nothing to say, I have nothing to say. nothing to say, I am so sorry, I have nothing to say.”