ms. believer

I miss home

I wish I didn’t make it so difficult for people to love me

Maybe I don’t deserve to have a safe space

This song is what it feels like when my CPTSD is triggered and I go from an overly empathic people pleaser to a raging self protective bitch. This is who they made me to be, but somehow they’re still surprised. “Why is Celie such an angry person? She loves making up reasons to be upset”.

If you wanted me dead, you should have just said.

…

The scandal was contained

The bullet had just grazed

At all costs, keep your good name

You don't get to tell me you feel bad.

…..

Cause you lured me, and you hurt me, and you taught me

You caged me,

And then you called me crazy

I am what I am cause you trained me

So who's afraid of me?

….

I was tame, I was gentle

Til the circus life made me mean

Don't you worry folks,

We took out all her teeth

…

So tell me everything is not about me.

But what if it is?

Then say they didn't do it to hurt me

But what if they did?

I want to snarl and show you

just how disturbed this has made me

You wouldn't last an hour

Sometimes the injustice of it all overrides my empathy and I feel my heart scream how dare you

You desired my attention but denied my affections

In my Meg Ryan bixie era

CLAIRE it’s