on tops of mountains

i don’t have anything normal to say

once you notice half of all memes are just a picture of a black person with unrelated text over them you really cannot unsee it

To be clear. Shane's whole thing about Ilya being a Sex God is because of the limerence. Ilya is nineteen and he can get a rhythm going and that's about it. He was throwing shit at the wall when he hit that 'Get on your knees' in Nashville but only he knows that because Shane's brain turned OFF. Ilya said "Let's do a little experiment here" and the results were "Oh my god oh my god oh my god." Shane came hands free because he was that obsessed with the idea of Ilya Rozanov being inside him. Ilya said "Do you like that do you like that" because he's nineteen and he needs the validation and Shane was like "YES YES YES I LIKE IT OH MY GOD YOU'RE SO DEEP YOU'RE SO GOOD" and objectively. It was okay. Ilya fully did not know where to put his hands a couple of times. He forgot about Shane's dick. Luckily, Shane is God's special angel who can come from the idea of Ilya's cockhead being in proximity to his prostate a few times. Mind over matter, says Shane Hollander's dick. And then Ilya said "Oh God Hollander" because it was also, objectively, one of the hottest things that had ever happened to HIM, Ilya Rozanov. Shane sits on that step afterwards plotting about how he's gonna get this over and over and over again for the rest of his life and he has no idea that there are women in Boston who have Ilya listed in their contacts as "Hockey Guy 6/10". Shane Hollander cannot fathom a world in which Ilya Rozanov doesn't lay the maddest pipe this side of Lake Michigan. "Ilya Rozanov is a some kind of nineteen year old sex God" No Shane honey he was just designed in a lab to score goals and make you cum and he's done scoring goals for the night.

New interpretation of Tuna Meltdown that I'm rotating is that Shane heard Ilya say Shane, thought oh thank God this is real, said Ilya, remembered that Ilya just sat on this same couch and talked about women for ten minutes, realized that he fucked it up AGAIN, just like Vegas 1.0 and just like Sochi, and immediately decided that he had to yeet himself completely out of the room before Ilya started saying We Are Not Anything Hollander again. For a third time. Oops sorry about that but I know better! I will see MYSELF out! And then following the established pattern he just assumes that there will be anywhere between six months and two years of radio silence. And he copes with that by hurting himself with heterosexuality. Nobody's ever done it the way Shane Hollander is doing it (Badly)

Shane Hollander sat his freshly fucked ass on a hard metal step during Canadian winter and gripped onto that jacket so tight Ilya practically had to wrestle it from his arms like taking a sock from a doodle puppy. Under no circumstances did he have to follow Ilya down those stairs. These are things that your mother will never know about you Shane Hollander but don't you DARE lie to that woman and tell her you haven't been in love for years. You were playing Russian roulette with plausible deniability all the way back during the first fucking Obama administration.

very genuinely there is no world where shane isn't calling ilya baby like i fully believe he calls him baby in canon it's just not one of the things that got written down but i can Tell

myshane is a terminal boyfriend I fear . he's giving Ilya his hoodie when it's cold . hes kissing his knuckles while he drives. he's calling him baby. he's carrying ilyas bag. he's fixing the wonky table when Ilya offhandedly complains about it. he's getting possessive over ilyas Calvin Klein ad and posting a single black and white picture of his hand on ilyas thigh to his Instagram story . he's falling for every social media trend that Ilya tries on him bc he's not online like that. he's intermittently trying to blow luca haas up w his mind every time ilya compliments him. that's MyShane

i hope you all think of me not just as your friend but as your mutual who likes your personal post like way too soon after you posted it

my upward spiral

tornado 🌪

a large part of parenting is existing calmly in a room with a combination tornado siren and tornado and trying not to traumatize the tornado and being gentle yet firm with the tornado.

a large part of my autism is a debilitating weakness to tornadoes

i am also a tornado