-Fatt•Boii-

Felt kinda masculine, might delete if I get embarrassed enough lolol

.

.

.

.

.

{pls be nice T3T I'm trying to find my swag after realizing I'm a fuckboii and not a fuckgal lolol)

As a little kid id stand over the toilet backwards though hovering over the seat like with my legs wide not to touch the toilet (because eew) trying to pee like boys did but could never figure out why it didn't work the same...

Roleplay Confess:

I mainly preferred roleplaying guys (between the ages of 12-18) before realizing I was trans, was worried a lot that I was fetishizing M|M relationships... Though I never related to roleplaying women, it came off overly performative and just like in real life I could only masquerade femininity while in sexuality but could never genuinely feel connection to the womanhood I was told to feel.. Felt more like playing dress up then actually FEELING that way..

I thought it was because my mother being a tomboy but pushing the girly things upon me was just proof none of us genuinely felt connected to it.. Turns out that wasn't a me issue there lololol..

It actually turns out I am a man lolol just a little confused at times, and a bit slow when it comes to identity matters..

Here have my art practice/dump.. Just all the random projects and anatomy practice from the past like week or so (it doesn't look that good lol)

Trying to force myself out of the art block and wish to get better at doing art so I can someday face my biggest inspiration to get better... Jason Todd!

Actually it's my partner (cheesy yeah I guess) I want to get better at drawing so I can draw our characters like being queer and making out of something idk ...

Also to make art of Jason Todd mahahah

Ps my Partner is indoctrinating me into COD so I'm starting to wish to learn anatomy to draw fan art ... The shit the fans make is so good ..

See I've been trying to get better at digital art as I've always been kinda ehh about it (my lovely partner lets me borrow their iPad)

But I really wanted a base/reference (okay it's a bit of a idealized "more" transitioned dream version) of myself. (Someday I'll be a beefy short king, someday! Ps my partner already said I'll never be a bear T3T)

Ignore my persona having no arms I had no time for that today lmaoo (but this means that's my next practice lolol)

Also Imma dump some pics of this one art piece I've been doodling in for almost 4 months now, it's kinda giving backrooms/weirdcore/dreamcore so I wanted to share while I remember it lol

(My friend said he looks crunchy)

He personally takes it upon himself to visit any eridian that could possibly be sick/hurt/disabled that he tends to them, and makes sure no one is forgotten...

He has off balanced himself as one of his appendages is grinded down from a nervous grinding habit where he used to till he couldn't anymore would just rub his appendages on something hard.., one of his other ones has light wear of the same thing but he's trying to get out of doing it, very hard!! He also has a few rub spots on his main body from same habit but very much less.

Grace originally almost named him Slag after the rock, but he realized it might hurt this low-key sensitive spaz as who wants to be named after a rock byproduct (also my partner told me what else eit meant heh).. because of the uneven surface of his body he cannot really have the beautiful craving that other eridians have and he's high key very envious as he wished he wasn't so bumpy.. He sings as he works

He wishes to be beautiful! He also enjoys making jewelry as a side hobbie and enjoys buffing and craving into things.

Had issues with his hair cuz I wanted him to still clearly have issues with it growing but I also wanted him to still have enough to tug on 𓁹‿𓁹

Here's the pics I drew of them

Here's the dream:

I was in a cramp boarding house, it was hectic but i moved through it though like water between rocks as I had an Alter to set up which for some reason was in the middle of this very busy place.. I reached the alter and placed pink glass roses on the table, that were almost flat like a coaster except for the indents of the flower petals and it was width wise the roundness of a can. There were bones, gold pieces, more roses of the same glass though different shades of red and pink and lots of small sticks

in the dream I realize I'm missing some things and speak without words that I must gather more before phasing through a wall and ending up in a wildflower field near some woods.. Automatically start gathering sticks, and bones for my alter when l look up to see this being standing there.. Their skin was a greyish color, they were quite tall possibly 7 ft super skinny under a very oversized whitish grey Robe, with very long dark black hair.. They didn't really have a face though they did..

They pointed at a tent made out of sticks propped up, it looked tiny and I could sense they wished for me to enter, so I pushed through the curtain and felt a very warm energy overcame my senses then NOTHING! Start up darkness!

But the next dream started and he was in it as well though he intervened in the nightmare that followed, basically killing what was causing freight in it.. So for straight 6 month he popped up in almost every dream, it being almost 5 years later he doesn't appear AS often but I still see him in a reflection or out of the corner of my eye..

At the same time, I had these GAINT three wick candles that kept finding their way to me, my roommate was scared of the candles because she thought the Entity was in it because I joking asked if he was with us with the candle and the flames acted super flickery when the others around them were still.. So even though also a pagan she doesn't like being around the candle (Kinda amusing tbh)

He's never personally harmed me by what I can tell but he scared the shit out of the ex roomie

Trying to battle Art Block rn (a few years without drawing constantly and regularly so my abilities have really dipped because of it) so I'm pulling a middle school me and am drawing Jeff.. Idk felt like seeing if I could do it from memory (the largest Jeff)

These are my favorite out of the doodles.. Saw an artist draw a Older BEEFY (in that chunky way) Jeff and I got sparked with Gender Envy!

Usually I don't get that from the Creepypasta dudes cuz they all scrawny and bones, and as a plus size trans broski it wasn't easy to really relate to the boys growing up, but that art really brighten my Month (bi polar been kicking my ass) so here's my sloppy but not AI art!

Love a pairing that has a healthy dose of throwing hands every so often

I don't know/have connections to my family history really on any sides besides some superficial stuff and also knowing I totally had racists in my family (I'm white, had family in both sides of the Civil War) so I feel confused on what I'm supposed to "work" with them about cuz idk I don't really wish to work with Racists (also I don't exactly fully understand the concept of Working with Ancestors fully, are y'all just asking for energy/help or ?)

I wasn't raised in any REAL culture as my family didn't really have traditions/didn't pass on anything from whatever Scott-Irish-English (got told we could be traced back to the mayflower/one of the other ships with it in a grandfathers side idk idc truly, they were probably also racist) ancestry we have, my family relied heavily on their nationalism to give them culture (military family)

I feel a tad lost because i saw a lot of folks saying it wasn't good to not be doing Work with your Ancestors, but I'm kinda ehhh cuz I don't like my bloodline at all.

But didn't lose my partner to the psychosis.. Never had an episode before two months ago the way it hit..

I guess I really as messed up as I've always felt but I didn't know what was wrong... Then this bout of paranoia took over, I started feeling like a tin foil hate man (thought I had stalkers when I didn't) and kept hearing knocking as well as phones setting off, so weird I even heard my mother's alarm from when I was 5 just quietly going off in the background.. Was some really fucked up stuff while in the hospital...

At least I finally have a name for it, it felt like being "possessed" like I couldn't stop myself from the words or the feelings..

Never had such deep hallucinations before, a shadow flash here, a spider there whatever but the knocking? The phone alarms? That was scary, thinking people were listening to me through my phone (the episode kinda killed my phone addiction with me being scared of my phone)