not really, no.

It’s been a scant few months since SATAN broke my heart and left me for dead. There’s no more contact there. In that few months, the first boyfriend I ever had has come back into my life, and he thinks I’m “the one”, and wants to move here and marry me and have kids. 

Part of me is like “aw yay” but a major part of me is very concerned that he’s not a good match for me; I’m afraid he’s not got the ambition and drive to do more than smoke weed and play disc golf and dick around in Diablo3. I’m afraid he can’t teach me anything new. He’s sweet on me, and would never knowingly hurt me, but he doesn’t feel like he’s got that extra I’m looking for. And what makes it harder is that he lives 3,000 miles away in Oregon, so we can’t really interact that well.

I also don’t have the same overwhelming soul-devouring desire for him as I did with SATAN, not even close. This guy is cute and sweet and goofy and very affectionate towards me, and the sex is great, but I am not overwhelmed with feelings of absolute devotion and “I want to spend the rest of my life with you hands down no contest”. I’m really hesitant, and I think it’s a combination of not wanting to be hurt again, but that he misses the mark on a lot of things I hold near and dear to my heart that were overwhelmingly fulfilled with SATAN, like music, pop culture, shared interests.

Fuck you, SATAN.

I’m going back to Oregon in February for a week to spend some serious time with him and meet his parents. I hope he can prove me wrong.