𝕾𝖊𝖉𝖓𝖆 ✮⋆˙

The peaches

on the table

have finally turned sweet

(I bought them a week ago…)

Soon I'll witness

their pink and plump flesh

shrivelled up

into a black rot

and their smell

becomes unbearable

filling up my home

and leaking

through my window

making my neighbours complain

But I will still keep them

until you come back

the last time when

i catched a glimpse of you ..

you were giggling

eyes wide opened

with the joy ,

savouring their sweetness

on your tongue ...

and confessing your love to me...

and hearts scribbled

on the grocery receipt

carefully tucked in between

my mindless

rambles

I'm sorry, Mother,

That I don't make conversation with you

But I don't wanna put a burden of blame

on your heart for never understanding me

“It's quite weak,”

the doctor has warned me already

I'm sorry, Father,

That now I don't walk on eggshells

And it bruises your ego, so you joke that

I have been replaced,

I have been changed

No longer your sweet docile girl

With doe eyes and brown braids

I'm sorry that I am loveless

But still, I will always be

Your lovelorn child

Most days, I will be intensely disgusted

With your genes like a putrid smell on me

While some days, I will take it as my pride

Somedays my ribs will break until I cry

On other days, I will be your devoted soldier

I will burn, break and yearn for your love

I know for you both I would just end my life

Command me, father, mother,

My hands have a secret memory of knife

I'm sorry that I'm loveless

But I'm still your daughter at the end

A part of me wrenches“ at the thought of being nothing “ getting crumbled up into a paper ball only to be thrown in the trash or shrunk up like the flesh of the rotten fruits with maggots hovering over hungrily . The agony of witnessing my potential dissipates as time slips by like sand from my hands has driven me to the zenith of madness.

Love always felt explosive, like two amateur cars screeching on the F1 track and ending up kissing crimson flames. My heart has survived those fatal catastrophes, stared at the hospital walls, terrorized by phantom pains for quite long . But when his fingers untangle the matted strands of my brown hair, my chest tightens with a collision again " a different kind " . Like two opposite planets treading their path into an explosion of beautiful lavender haze, of a rare cosmic event.

His gaze softens at my burnt skin and scars which I wear like screaming neon signs warning of tragedies. My body shrinks like a petrified prey as I am a mere vessel of shame, always bracing myself to watch him escape like a prison break. But he doesn't; instead, he presses his mouth into mine like he is editing a poem, removing every word that hurts too much to say out loud. So my wrenched heart finally pleads with him not to spare me any sympathy as it yearns for his love only. His hands cup my face cautiously like I'm a delicate glass ball ready to slip out of his hands and shatter into a million shards. Then whispers “ Love must come from acceptance first, from embracing even those withered parts that keep you awake at night ". All the troubled breaths I clutched to my chest finally slithers out and his gaze still very much unflinched .

How can this be? Someone finally loves me with both hands and no exit plans. My anxieties have made me rummage secret exits, but I find no maps floating in his honest eyes . His vision is a crystal blue sky with the sun of his affection burning bright. I wonder if that's what love is meant to feel like, full of flames but not lethal and gently warm on my scarred face.

I hold the silence closer to my breasts like a blue skinned infant and we both are starved and pale like drowning water lilies. I would let it cling to my flesh, watch it grow on me letting it consume me monstrously. I will still defend it's cannibalistic desire like a good mother should. I won't let it go, as I promised my husband that I will never leave its side, even when it take me to my grave.

It's such a shame that my dagger will always be drawn at your neck , the rusting blade is forever starved for a bloody choke hold in a perceived vengeance. My hands will always have the default memory to attack even in paralysis , it's such a shame that your love can never swathe down the gashes and the horrors my body has persisted .

So i apologise but choosing me is a cruel mistake that costs you your blood with sanity , I apologise for my actions but that's what betrayals does to a human heart, it makes you cautious like a hare , a burnt heart is like a live wire , it functions on survival only . It's quite unfamiliar with kindness instead it's feral like a panther held on hostage ..

He was like a poetry, walking talking poetry in gorgeous flesh of a human body , he wasn't like snowfall, a rare occurrence, something out of touch or mystical . Instead he was like a summer breeze you yearn on hot evenings , unexpected yet very subtle and sweet . Breeze that had a specific fragrance that imprinted and tickled my brain like a fresh beginings bringing me so much joy.. Summer breeze feels like a possibility it might pass you again someday and you hope for it that someday comes soon.

To all my beloved eldest daughters we are fire❤‍🔥