#dark prose

I said that if God came down and told me I had to live a thousand lives, I’d ask Him if you could be in all of them, any way will do.

You looked at me as if I asked you to carry something impossibly heavy.

I said, no, you don’t understand, I love you.

I love that you exist, I love that God, in His incomprehensible vastness, made you.

You said I’m being romantic.

I said, no, you don’t understand, I’m deeply grateful that you’re happening, that you move through this existence with a voice and agency, that I got to experience you.

You asked me what I meant.

This illustration is a conceptual art piece by the artist Gülce (often known online as Gülce's Art or associated with the handle @gulcesart), according to google.

You gave this jester the personality of a rowdy child, running from block to block and altering the days of many. Sometimes, it would remind them of a joke that made them laugh. Sometimes, it would hold their attention and deliver a prize. Others, however became the source of its entertainment. Even the jester needs something to laugh at, and you gave it the power to make its own scenes. Children are often cruel, but children who ruin the lives of others only to turn around and make someone else smile? I shudder at how you continue to be proud of ‘luck.’

I know. I'm aware.

I like your darkness.

It doesn't just serve to contrast the light around you, a shadow from which a more perfect comparison may be drawn.

Not. It has a beauty all its own, a depth which I'm happy to explore.

I don't need light; I don't need to see. There's no path laid out here for me, just your guidance as I move slowly, feel gently, and listen in silenc.

And, if I get lost, I will find joy in that too. I would rather dwell in the shadow of My God than bask in the light of a false one.

Your darkness is beautiful, if only to me; maybe especially if only to me. Every speck of it is dear to me...