Oh for fuckâs sake. Louis had a lot of practice in keeping his emotions schooled, which was to his benefit. But really, what were the fucking odds he and his fiancee both fell for carnivores outside their engagement?
It was so like Azuki to be so blunt about it, too. He usually appreciated that from her, even if she took it too far at times (not unlike himself, truthfully). In this instance, it was better for her to just come out with it.
âThatâs fine with me,â he said, accepting the confession as easily as if sheâd told him she preferred not to have live music at the wedding. âI donât think either of us is under any illusion about what this is.â He could only hope heâd manage to conceive a fawn with her without upchucking his dinner again.
It wasnât Azukiâs fault he wasnât attracted to herâand apparently, she was not attracted to him eitherâbut he did need to get his shit together and produce an heir. That was their job. It was the core of their responsibilitiesâmaking sure their soon-to-be joint companies were inherited by the blood of both their families.
âI donât see any reason to concern ourselves with things that happened before the marriage,â he said, spearing a bit of cucumber on his fork. He could have chosen then, to confess to her about his three-year affair with Haru. About Lex. About Juno. But whatever compulsion had come over Azuki to drive her to such forthrightness, it had no hold over Louis.
Anyway, all that was over, so it didnât matter.
I thought you might understand. That phrase kept niggling at the back of his mindâwhat was that supposed to mean? Had she guessed after their disastrous attempt to consummate their relationship that his interests lay elsewhere?
In fact, it was odd that Azuki was choosing to reveal this at allâthey generally kept their conversations purely to things that would affect their union and their business, and whatever trite small talk fell between, and this was none of that.
âWhat do you mean by that?â he asked at last, unable to just let it go. âI might understand?â
It was a relief to her that he seemed relatively unaffected by her confession. Though he was as practiced as her at hiding emotion, so she couldnât be entirely sure. For now she would accept his words as truth, in hopes that they were. âYes. Iâve certainly only ever feigned interest in you in that way. With that said, I would still like to know you. I see no reason why we cannot become friendly with one another.â Azuki reached across the table, laying a hand on his own. They were to be wed, she didnât wish for them to be so closed off emotionally. Sharing a life together would be a misery if they spent it as strangers.
âI canât pretend Iâm not in pain... I crave her still, and Iâm not sure that will ever really stop. I donât blame you for that though, I couldnât. It was my foolish mistake that caused this. If I had chosen sense over my heart, it wouldnât have ended up shattered.â Ending things was the most painful thing she had ever done in her life. It was worse than even the harshest punishment her father had inflicted upon her for failing to meet his insane expectations. The worst part of it was, her love had smiled at her when she was told, and embraced her tenderly. For once it had been Azuki who had cried, not her dear Roxanne. To think that tiger would hide her grief to console her, even after Azuki had told her with such frigid indifference... A pawn like her should have never gotten involved in another game. She should have played her role, saved them both the agony of knowing a love they could never really have.
The way he asked for explanation to her last statement didnât give her much hope that Louis would be candid with her. Still, Azuki wouldnât let the matter rest quite yet. This wasnât something she could brush off and move on from without regrets. âI donât want either of us to pretend, Louis-san. We have done that for others all our lives, so I had hoped just between us things might be different.â Her eyes closed as she steadied her breathing, even now doing her best to maintain composure. âI had my suspicions that we might be the same. The way you reacted to my advances...â She sighed, tenderly rubbing her thumb against his palm as she opened her eyes to meet his gaze. âThis isnât a trick, nor is it a test of your character. I ask for your honesty, and for that I apologize. I know how difficult of a request that is."