Heart of a carnivore

I am real sorry to keep jerking this blog around, but once again, we’re moving to indefinite hiatus. My muse for Beastars is just not consistent enough to keep the blog open, especially with how busy I am.

Legoshi just blinked blankly at the deer’s words. He recognised Louis still, of course–but only dimly. There was a vague sense of familiarity about him, but that was as far as it went, in the wolf’s current state. He knew that he knew the deer, but he couldn’t recall why he knew him. His brain wouldn’t let him recall why he knew him.

But the fact that he knew the deer…

Before, it had only felt like someone was just grabbing his throat rather tightly, but now? Their grip was tightening, becoming a rope tying itself around his airway, though it didn’t matter anyway, his diaphragm wasn’t functioning as often as it was supposed to. His mouth was a dry desert free of water, even though drool was free to drip a little from his lips as he bared his teeth. A warning message: ’stay away, just stay away’.

Louis’s presence was upsetting. Did he have anything to do with why Legoshi was the way he was right now? He had to, if him being here was causing this reaction. Legoshi looked at Louis like he was on the other end of a tunnel. He wanted to stop feeling like this, he wanted to make the deer go away.

Legoshi was not returning to himself; even in the dim light of the alley, Louis could see the dull glint of saliva drooling over the wolf’s lips.

“Legoshi,” he said again, like his friend’s name was, in itself, a command. “Think. This isn’t you.” What would his father think, Louis wondered, if he found out his treasured, expensive heir had been torn to pieces trying to talk a wolf back into his senses?

His deer nerves were still screaming at him to run, and maybe with two good legs he could’ve outrun Legoshi, if the wolf gave chase (which he almost certainly would, if Louis tried it), but with the prosthetic? Not a chance--Legoshi could run him down like a car after a pedestrian.

Xaallo’s brow wrinkled. Shoot them? Most herbivores were able to outspeed most carnivores in a pursuit, which is why it was the tried and true get away method. However, he had a feeling Louis wasn’t really the running type.

Still.

“The herbivore who stays and fights is usually the one who dies.” He states, “ Running is the better gamble…unless you’re seeking death.”

It’s not really a question, just Xaallo musing out loud. The request for his name takes him a bit by surprise, and the alien briefly considers lying about it. Alias’ and anonymity were best when dealing in the black market, but being as distinct a creature as he was, it probably would’ve done little good.

“ My name is Xaallo. So far, it’s a pleasure.”

“I see no reason to waste time trying to dodge the inevitable.” The Shishigumi were going to kill him--he had known that from the get-go. The only way he prolonged his life was by his usefulness to them, and he meant to make that stretch as far as he possibly could. But when they finally turned on him, he would not have his last moments be as a terrified prey sprinting for his life while the lions let their predator instincts take control. If he would die to them--and he would--he would do it standing his ground, just as he had when they first captured him.

But he relaxed a bit more when the stranger shifted the conversation to more prosaic topics.

        A smile comes to Jack’s face at Louis’s question of leaving for home on the weekends, and he simply shakes his head no. Watching as the clouds rush by outside the bus window. 

      The sound of light conversation from strangers were a sensory comfort as he sat up a bit now.

        “No. I wouldn’t want Legoshi to feel alone by being gone with family, so I don’t go home. At all.” Jack mentioned with a certainty.

          “Now don’t get me wrong! I don’t leave them in the dark, I give them daily phone calls!” Jack quickly added in.

           Wait. Why am I defending myself for staying at school to Louis senpai? Granted, he was a pretty courteous guy when he wasn’t in trouble for a gun, but the Labrador was sure that his home-life was one the other probably wasn’t expecting to hear.

          “But, like I said; the teachers told me to limit contact with other students, as next year I’m only gonna be around a select group of students most of the time.” Jack stated as a fact, a rare air of seriousness in his tone despite his smile. 

      “I can’t focus my attention onto things like clubs, or hobbies too much. They say it won’t mean anything 10 years down the line. I need to focus on building my future, for being an example of the excellence that Cherryton High school can create.” The line sounds rehearsed coming from the Labrador, who was all about freedom and self-expression. 

           “This is kind of why I’m so excited for this trip! It’s almost like I’m rebelling against that stupid rule, just for today! Plus, I get to hang out with you! Even for a day!” He says proudly, tail thumping against the thick leathery bus seat.

              He wouldn’t admit it out loud; as he cared dearly for each of his dorm-mates, but to actually be making friends with someone outside of Canine Room 701, and who wasn’t a carnivore, was kind of like a breath of fresh air for him.

Louis had to admit, that surprised him a bit--somehow he’d imagined Jack as the “home Friday afternoon through Sunday evening” type. He was either deeply devoted to Legoshi, or had a less-than-amiable relationship with his family--ah, and it seemed to be the former, if he was calling them so regularly.

Well, far be it from Louis to probe anyone’s familial relationships.

Wow. That frank image of Jack’s life was depressing even to Louis, who found himself under similar pressures for most of his life. At least his father didn’t interfere in his daily life except when he was getting in trouble for bringing firearms to school as long as he performed as expected. As long as he cultivated his image as he was meant to do, Oguma did not care much what else Louis did. Even the gun incident mattered only because it might reflect poorly on Louis, and therefore on the Horns Conglomerate.

“Yes, I’m sure I’m precisely the type of delinquent they’re warning you about.” Louis’ sense of humor was so arid it was often hard to parse from his cynicism, but he couldn’t help poking fun at the idea that Jack’s great act of rebellion was to go on a Saturday jaunt with the school darling.

Fascinating--Jack seemed either unaware or unwilling to fully engage with how unfulfilling he found his present life, but it seemed to ooze out regardless of his efforts. Maybe it was harder for a dog to maintain a mask--they were often so genuine. It was a little painful to watch, like looking at an open wound.

Louis had gotten used to pushing Legoshi around. It was easy to do--the awkward, pliable wolf was always so keen not to come off argumentative or aggressive; with Louis’ forceful personality, it was no surprise Legoshi often ended up with Louis twisting his arm.

But now, listening to that borderline-feral growl rumbling in Legoshi’s throat, Louis was suddenly acutely reminded of how big Legoshi was, and had a sudden, half-distant memory of the feel of Legoshi’s incredible jaws crushing through Louis’ tibia.

    There’s no use denying that some part of her, like the deer, relished over the fire that ignited between them over their silly quips. A few choice words bringing about a conversation reminiscent of their days at Cherryton Academy and her stay in the Eastern country. Juno finds herself scoffing at her own suggestion being thrown back at her and soon a smirk graces her features as she prepares to counter with another witty remark.

     Or maybe you just prefer deer meat.

   But then he says that. And she almost forgets how to breathe. The sound of her heart pulsating hard against her ears. She falters only for a brief moment, claws digging into the smooth flesh of her palms until she crosses her arms and allows her fur to bristle at his words, though persistent in disguising the true terror that lay beneath her flesh. She too decided to lean up against the car upon propping her bicycle properly.

     What was that about trying to get away from one’s prey? She was the prey now, ankle caught against a bear trap that Louis had unknowingly set. Her legs wouldn’t budge. When she huffs it’s all in a helpless effort to gain some needed confidence. “If Legoshi took a good chunk out of you and didn’t eat you whole I’d say that speaks for itself when it comes to your terrible flavour.”

     Juno swallows hard, refusing to grant herself any chance of salivating.

     And that’s the worst part because she doesn’t believe that Louis’ flavour would be terrible at all. Even if the circumstances were different, going back abroad may be the best decision she’d made yet. Or maybe she was just experiencing the typical hunger considering it was almost time for lunch. Ordinary hunger doesn’t change the fact that she thinks he’ll taste delicious. Rex help her.

     Juno searches the deer’s eyes for a moment, trying to see if she could sense fear in them besides the herbivore instinct and she doesn’t. A part of her feels better in knowing that the trust still lingers that her chest feels heavy when she subtly suggests that perhaps it’s best they part ways again.

     “Anyway I’m probably keeping you from an important meeting.” the wolf begins, “You know where to reach me if you need any pointers when it comes to the city though, I’ll probably be away on Friday next week if you’re staying that long. I have somewhere to go to…”

So accustomed was Louis to making those remarks--to Legoshi, to the Shishigumi, to virtually any carnivore who spent time with him--that it didn’t even occur to him he could make Juno uncomfortable with it, even if it didn’t bother him.

It was only her extended silence that made it dawn on him there was more truth to his jab than Juno wanted to admit, and it made her uneasy. She had always seemed so proud of her blood; the idea of her fearing a part of her carnivore nature surprised him. What did not surprise him was his sticking his foot in it with a personal relationship. But then she returned that quip, and Louis’ ears flicked back, quickly followed with a burst of laughter. No--Juno hadn’t changed. She was just as fiery as ever. His tail gave a few perky twitches.

There was nothing in his relaxed posture and attentive gaze that spoke to prey-fear. If anything, the greater part of his attention was on trying not to look too eager to keep Juno’s company.

Friday...Friday next week, the party! In advertising her unavailability, Juno had given him an idea.

“That’s too bad,” he said, glancing off to the side before returning those big brown eyes to Juno. “I was thinking I could use some company on Friday that won’t bore me to tears.” Sure he was an adult, but the business people he spent time with these days were adult adults, and while Louis could play charming and schmooze with them, he did find himself occasionally yearning for the company of someone his own age, even though he had never related particularly well to them either. Besides, being able to spend the night with Juno was far preferable to not spending the night with Juno. Surely it would not be untoward to bring an old classmate as his guest, with Azuki back home!

@startingovertime​

With a flick of an ear, he glanced at his phone for the date.