My mind sucks...

when will a husband and wife who are widely rumored to be vampires invite me up to their once-gorgeous mansion which has fallen into some disrepair and then serve a beautiful meal that they barely pick at, sipping from glasses of dry red wine instead as they take turns complimenting me borderline-salaciously while shooting each other conspiratorial looks that i don’t know how to interpret before one of them insists that it’s getting far too late for me to be going back home alone and now i simply must spend the night…..

Walk a mile in these Louboutins

Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo

TEACH. CHILDREN. ABOUT. ALAN. TURING! WHEN THEY LEARN ABOUT WWII, THEY DESERVE TO KNOW ABOUT THE MAN WHO ENDED IT!!!

the energy of ordering food via drive thru and then eating it in your car in the parking lot is so powerful. like you could walk 50 feet and sit at a table in the light but we just stan alienation in this country

me hunched over in the dunkin parking lot like a goblin, devouring an old fashioned donut in the dim orange light of the streetlamps, abba blasting,

Wtf????

Smoove with it too 

This is the kind of shit you see in anime that shows that a certain character is stronger than other characters. 

“Pathetic.  You can’t even hold the bat you dare step to the plate? Have you no respect for the sport?”

Baseball players are to be feared

Reblogging for the last one

^Same for me

They just kept getting progressively more “woah”

much woah

Oh my god this is a lucky universe

every time this post comes around, my favorite part is the “I know it’s the Mets” qualifier at the beginning lmao like how baseball that this zillion note posts starts with “sorry for putting this hellteam on your dash, bUT”