Moments before your first one

and before your fiftth one

“Why do you hide your illness?”

Maybe it’s because people don’t even believe me when I tell them I’m sick.

Maybe it’s because I can feel people become uncomfortable when I talk about it.

Maybe it’s because I’m tired of having to disclose extremely personal medical information to random people. 

Maybe it’s because I’ve had doctors doubt me. 

Maybe it’s because I’ve had people I love doubt me. 

Maybe it’s because I’m looked down upon when I need help.

Maybe it’s because of all of the times it’s been implied that I’m just not trying hard enough to get better.

Maybe it’s because it’s easier to pretend I’m okay than it is to explain that I am in fact in pain this very minute even though I’m out of the house because if I didn’t do anything every time I was in pain I would literally never do anything because I am in pain every minute of every day.

Maybe it’s because I’ve had my sanity questioned when I try to open up.

Maybe it’s because I’m terrified of the harassment I would face if I identified myself as disabled.

Maybe it’s because I know you’ll never understand unless you experience it (and I would never want you to).

Maybe it’s because I’m so f*cking sick of hearing the judgment in healthy people’s voices. 

Maybe it’s because society has made me feel that disabled people are lesser than able-bodied people.

Maybe it’s because I don’t feel important enough for anyone to care.

There’s a huge difference between being tired / fatigued and being chronically ill and exhausted / fatigued due to illness.

I know because I wasn’t always sick.

Please, don’t tell disabled / chronically ill people to “just push through” or say something that invalidates their exhaustion (especially if it’s literal energy producing dysfunction) like “ you don’t know tired till you have kids”.