i am the bomb dot com

nine inch noah: i want to fuck you like two of every animal

when youre inadvertently 1% too nice to a straight guy you can usually pinpoint the exact moment where he decides you must be acting that way because you want to fuck down on him crazy style and it is at this point that one would be well advised to have a cyanide capsule under a false tooth or an equivalent fast acting response

accidentally running over a vampire with my car because they didnt show up on the backup camera

They should invent a cry for help that has zero negative effects on anybody and also that makes everyone treat you like a little animal in a cardboard box. But everyone’s cool with it because you’re a cute little animal and not an adult human that needs to get their shit together to stay alive

using my one wish willow to make all cigarettes healthy and yummy for people

Do you wanna go watch the sunlight pierce the leaves of the forest with me?

We often eat pie at work...for morale.

"As a treat" implies a special occasion, a temporary state. "For morale" makes the joy essential, because you have to have good morale to keep going.

Not that there's anything wrong with having something wrong with you

eighteen inch nails: i want to fuck you like two animals

four and a half inch nails: i want to fuck you like half an animal

hey ya

anyway. last night I had a dream that my local lesbian bar was hosting a “motionless dance party”. it was sort of like the inverse of a silent disco—the music is playing out loud but you’re doing all the dancing inside your own head. it was really successful like a lot of lesbians showed up to stand perfectly still in a room together and imagine what dancing would be like.