The Funniest Juice

canon

12pm cannibalism debate

12:30 tea break

1pm necrophilia discussion

3pm eroticism

Because I’m imagining bonding with your starter at the start of your journey y’know?

You two are still figuring each other out, learning a routine with each other, that sort of thing. In the beginning of your journey it’s difficult because you both are still learning about each other. Sure, it’s better than a pokemon you’d find in the wild because your starter was raised around people.

It's not uncommon for pokemon and trainers to be uncomfortable with each other at first. You are learning a whole new dynamic with each other. And when it comes to more temperamental pokemon like Scorbunny, Rowlet, or Cyndaquil, it's harder to form that bond with each other.

Which is why when you settle down under a tree during a sunny day to enjoy some shade in the Johto fields, you let your Cyndaquil out to join you. Professor Elm told you letting your pokemon out with you could help them bond with you faster.

So you were trying it.

You wanted to see if it would actually help, or if your Cyndaquil was just inherently stubborn from day one.

So you relaxed against the bark of the tree and dug through your bag for a snack, watching him root through the grass like he was looking for something. You pulled out an apple and a small pocket knife, setting to work cutting the apple into small slices.

It was like you'd summoned your little partner pokemon to your side, because he was there, eyeing your apple with big brown eyes that you hadn't seen before.

He also didn't have his fire spikes out like he normally did around you, and you took that as an achievement. He looked so small without them, and for a minute you thought about picking him up and setting him in your lap, but that wouldn't do. He had a mind of his own, and it was more than likely if you reached for him now, the only thing you'd accomplish was getting a few burns on the palms of your hand.

So you cut the Cyndaquil an apple slice and held it out to him, palm open.

"Is this what you want, bud?" You breathe, watching him nose at your palm.

His muzzle was softer than you were expecting, and a little giggle slipped out from your lips at the feeling of it. His tongue is warm and pink and it's gone before you can blink, taking the apple slice with it.

It's like he chewed once or twice before you hear an audible swallow. The Cyndaquil, you're thinking about nicknaming him Apple because of this, even though it doesn't quite fit, nuzzled into your palm like he was looking for more, so you pull away and reach for another slice.

This one disappeared as quickly as the first, but he doesn't pull away from you after he's done chewing.

He pushed forward so he could rest the side of his cheek against your palm, sticky with apple juice, but he didn't seem to mind. He was warm, and you knew that was from the fire that seemed to course its way through his veins like blood.

You both finished your apple, sharing bites until there was nothing left but the core. You tossed it away from you as hard as you could, watching it land in the grass several feet away.

When you turned back, your Cyndaquil was climbing into your lap, his eyes closed again, this time with a sort of contentment you hadn't seen before today. He settled into a little ball of blue and cream on your lap and you didn't dare move. This was the closest he'd been to you since you'd first caught him, and you weren't going to change that any time soon.

But he seemed cozy, and so you relaxed, leaning against the tree trunk to get as comfortable as you could. If he was going to doze off, you figured you might as well.

Really dislike it when people give Lopunny big boobs and human centric features. She was already attractive the way she was.

i’m like “you can totally go downstairs, but just so you know, right now the only thing down there is the genealogy department. that’s like the history of this area and the people who lived here a long time ago.”

i’m expecting them to lose interest, but to my surprise, they go “we want to see the genealogy department!!!!!!”

so i’m like “alright let’s do it!!!!” and lead this group of maybe six elementary school kids across the library make way for ducklings style and downstairs to our extremely not kid friendly genealogy room. our genealogy librarian is super cool, though, and he pulls out a few interesting things for them to look at & they ask a lot of questions and try to find where they live on maps from the 1800s

after about fifteen minutes, their curiosity has been sated, so we go back upstairs and over to the children’s department in that same duckling parade style

Nothing makes a story more unreadable than being able to see the author squirm apologetically for the story they actually want to write—wringing their hands and imploring the reader please, please don’t be mad, I know it’s ideologically questionable but I need you to not be mad at me!

For example: a Good King™️. It’s one thing for a story to present a fictional monarchy and ask me to root for it. It’s another thing for a story to say, hey, I know what you’re thinking—but don’t worry! I can justify this premise! I have introduced a lot of convoluted self-aware political justifications for why my king is good and likable without actually asking any risky ideological questions! These characters aren’t actually problematic! Don’t be mad at me!

I made this transparent PNG the night he died in preparation for one of the many ways I was going to memorialize him--a surface rug in his likeness that I planned on laying directly in the line of his favourite sunbeam. And I uploaded that PNG here, because this is the website where people post their cats.

I was not expecting the reception I got. Many people have pointed out that this post has more reblogs than likes, and how insane that is in 2025 when reblog culture is at an all time low. I didn't even talk about the fact that Burger passed away in the original post, it wasn't a tearjerker reblog bait or anything like that. People just loved Burger that much, in the same way I fell in love with him at first sight. He was such an ugly kitten.

Anyways, it's really special to me that so many people have reblogged my best friend. I made this PNG to memorialize him in a completely different way, and you all wound up doing just that in ways I never even imagined.

Thank you. Wherever he is, I know the sun is shining.

1. Genuinely call the creator of said media a "pedophile" for including dark themes into their work and harass the creator