here to be gay and deranged

kind of awesome that there's casually dropped and platonic "I love you" in the show. no repression or build up or anything. and sure, it's while matt's freaking out about thinking he's gotten them banned from the rivoli and ruined their dream so he's rambling out whatever, but it's there.

there is something within me that i would like removed

the buddy is one of my favorite jay episodes, it's such a good illustration of the fact that jay is just as much of a social reject as matt is. i think people forget this when characterizing him sometimes as this would-be normal person corrupted by his weirdo bestie but he is totally and completely incapable of connecting with other people in a way matt is not. matt is Like This in part by choice/circumstance, while jay is Like This because he's fundamentally very offputting to people and can't mask it like matt can when push comes to shove. jay hides behind this internal narrative that matt holds him back to justify his own failings, but the second he's out in the wild on his own he's falling on his face and desperately clinging to the first person to remind him of matt. the real reason jay stays is because matt is such an incredibly rare thing-- someone who not only tolerates him but celebrates him as the best and most beautiful and talented creature on the planet when the music is flowing, when they're running around in the streets of toronto for some rivoli plan, when they're huddled up indoors together for a video game day. jay before matt was a weird fussy borderline munchausen-by-proxy victim that didn't even feel loved by his own mother so he absolutely can not resist what matt gives him even though he plays coy about it and lets matt gas him up to the point of getting greedy

might fuck around and let nature reclaim me