I Luv Sad Avocado’s

Reblog to animatedly boop your followers

this will be the year I finally convince everyone to abandon New Year's resolutions in favour of Yule Boasting, the clearly superior tradition

allow me to explain. Yule boasting is an old Norse tradition of getting shitfaced at the winter solstice feast and standing up to proclaim all the great, infamous, and wildly improbable deeds you will perform in the coming year. can range from an unlikely but technically possible claim, like "I'm going to rob 300 banks", to something you'd have to bend the laws of the universe to actually accomplish, like "I'm going to punch a god in the dick and steal his horse". these are not plans. they're not even goals. they're the things you'd do in a self-insert superhero fanfic. and honestly all I want this holiday season is for a bunch of friends to go all in on this nonsense with me and hype ourselves up in ways previously unimaginable

“i also choose this guy’s dead wife” was easily the #1 funniest thing to ever be written on the internet.

i do also feel the need to add that phil8248 really liked the joke. he said his wife had always had a dark sense of humour, even about her illness and death, and seeing the joke made him feel like he was laughing with her one last time.

A Christmas Carol never even says that Scrooge gives up anything at all, or even somehow stops being super-rich.  He just stops being a dick about it and starts using his wealth to help people.  Scrooge isn’t even written as an indictment of rich people, since plenty others appear in the story and are presented as perfectly nice people.  Scrooge is a miser.  He doesn’t even use his money to help himself, which is called out as the reason he dies within the year.  Learning to care for himself is just as much part of the Ghosts’ lessons as learning to care for other people.

how dare Charles Dickens, a man once sent to work in a factory at age 12 while his father was in debtors’ prison, inflict such Wokery upon us as “caring about the poor”

Apple inc assigned typing quirk

I don’t think this woman is straight anymore.

This is my new favourite post on tumblr, bye

OMG