Mostly Faceless

I like that the number of fingers animals have varies so ridiculously throughout the animal kingdom. humans* have 5 per limb. cats have 5 on their front limbs but 4 on their hind limbs. a lot of birds have either 4 or 3 digits per limb. ostriches and some sloths have 2 digits per limb. chameleons have 5 digits per limb but these are grouped and fused into functionally 2 digits. horses have 1 digit per limb. what are we even doing can we standardise this nonsense. imagine how embarrassing it'll be if aliens discover us and find out we still haven't agreed on what a sensible number of fingers is

there’s a bunch of cats descended from Hemingway’s that have six or more toes per paw

I always wear the wrist strap thing for protection, isn't that enough?

i love the phrase "pet peeve". this is my dog made of dislike

Elves aren't real dipshit. It was probably a weather balloon that gave you that footjob.

Elk aren’t real, dipshit.

through pottery we domesticated rocks

March

"Fuck this shit." 😆 repeated over and over cause I don't really talk to people or customers.

"Okay, so we do have a procedure, but no one wrote it down."

"No, this function doesn't have an audit trail. Only like 3 things total have an audit trail."

"Unfortunately we don't have any more information than you do on your package tracking. Here's the number to your local post office, start there."

“Where did that cricket come from?”