ace/aro/lesbian

Intimacy doesn’t have to mean sex.

I don’t have to have sex if I don’t want to. I don’t have to have sex full stop!

I can love boys and not want to have sex with them.

I should trust my gut on what I do and don’t want to do.

I can picture a future that isn’t marrying a man. I can picture a future that doesn’t involve marrying anyone. I can picture whatever future I want and then I can go get it.

I don’t need an iron clad justification to say no to things. I can just, not want to.

and most generally, most importantly:

My comfort matters. I don’t have to force myself to do ANYTHING that makes me uncomfortable!! If a situation, a relationship, or a vision of the future makes me uncomfortable! I can ditch it!

I don’t know how long it would have taken me to find my home in the queer community without asexuality. I can never thank the asexual community too much for me you helped me be.

So I’m sending mad love and respect to all asexuals and aromantics this fine ace awareness week. May your lives be filled with joy and comfort. May your communities flourish forever. 🖤 🤍 💜

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p.s. fuck transmisogyny when I say men I mean men not amabs

“You and this perfect person, who you’ve never met before, to come out of nowhere, fit into your life perfectly, complete you, and make you whole for the first time in your life, like your mother did for me.”

And even though what he said sounds sweet and whatever, the way it manifested to my seven-year-old self is, “If you are not with someone, you are broken. If you are not with someone, you are incomplete. If you are not with someone, you are not whole.”

And that’s not just something that my dad made me feel, that’s something that we as a society for the last 40 years has made every single child feel. Every Disney prince has a princess, every princess has a prince, and every television show or movie always has a character in it that doesn’t want to be in a relationship. They’re happy with who they are. But guess what, by the end of the series? They were wrong! They were wrong for wanting to be alone, the fucking idiot!

It’s all to do with love. Everyone needs someone. And when you raise children in that world, where everything points towards love, when you’ve raised them for 18 fucking years, when you become an adult for the first time in your late teens and early 20’s, we’re so terrified.

We’re so trying to be an adult that some of us will take the wrong person, the wrong jigsaw, and force them into our jigsaws anyway. I’m going to force this fucking person into our lives because it’s much better to have something than nothing.

Then five years later, you’re stood looking at this jigsaw you don’t recognize, being like, “Ah! There’s a fucking cunt in the middle of this!” And in that moment, you have a very, very difficult question to ask yourself. Do I admit the last five years of my life have been a waste? Do I waste the rest of my life?

Because obviously it is true, romance and friendship are on equal grounds, or at least should be. No one should treat their platonic friends as less valuable to them as their romantic partner is.

HOWEVER, I have used the phrase "just friends" because I have needed to convey that while my partner is my friend AND my S/O, others are just my friends. It is not to say that they are only friends and do not matter as much as my parnter, but simply that my partner is 2 things to me while they are 1 thing.

I think (to me) sometimes the phrase is okay, and sometimes its not, and it depends how the person is using it.

I think of it like the difference between saying "this one is just red, this one is just blue, and that one is both red and blue" versus saying "oh this? oh, this is just a little thing I picked up on my way home".

In both cases, you're using the word "just" to clarify what something is versus what it isn't, but in the first case you are using it to specifically distinguish between two concretely stated options (i.e. red or blue) while in the second case you are using it to more ambiguously say that something is less than it could be (i.e. this could be a really cool item, but instead its something simple).

To me, the first one is stating a fact, while the second one has a negative connotation.

So, to me, the difference then is whether someone says "oh, we're just friends" and they mean "we're just friends, as opposed to being both friends and romantic partners", versus if they say "oh, we're just friends" and they mean "a romantic relationship is a much deeper connection than what we have; our relationship is less than that, we're just friends".

Good news: These are the latest additions to my redbubble shop designs! Here are the complete collections I have uploaded so far:

Like if you say you’re bi but you’ve only dated people of the opposite gender? you’re bi as hell i don’t care.

If you tell me you’re trans but you haven’t transitioned yet or don’t want to undergo certain aspects of transitioning? you are trans! I’m gonna call you by the name and pronouns you tell me to use

what if someone looks feminine, is afab, and uses she/her pronouns but identifies as nonbinary? what if someone looks masculine, is amab, and uses he/him pronouns but identifies as nonbinary? both of those people are nonbinary because they said they are!

if you’re asexual or aromantic but you’re still hetero in the sense that you experience attraction of some sort to the opposite gender and that gender alone? you’re still a part of the community babe! Aros and aces have always been queer.

If you don’t know if you’re queer or not? you’re certainly welcome to be a part of our spaces while you figure it out!

if you don’t wanna use labels? dont! that’s it! never let anyone pressure you into labels if you’re not ready to define that part of yourself.

if you use labels/pronouns that are uncommon and/or perceived as strange? that’s your label! those are your pronouns! who am i to tell you you can’t use those words to describe yourself??