This is why I headcanon him as having SO. MUCH. TROUBLE. with having any form of control, especially in “he stays in/comes back to the living world” verses
He has NEVER had any true control over anything, and what control he was forced to have was absolutely fucking MISERABLE
His only “control” was when he was in battle, fighting for his life and the lives of his freinds, or when he had lost Yugi, or when he was “choosing” to sacrifice himself in one way or another…
In Atem’s mind, in a place where the only “control” (false control, control he may have been presented with because there’s nothing else, or what he falsely believed to be control) what has control EVER done for him? It’s only ever made him miserable, his happiest times have always been when he’s been quietly sitting back, along for the ride, letting someone ELSE make the choices- IE: Spending time with Yugi and his freinds and- usually- tagging along wile Yugi drives the body, the one time canonically he was presented with another option (the date episode with Tea`) he’s SHOWN as having a noticeably hard time making choices- particularly with what would make him happy, what he’d like to do, etc, and in the end Tea` is the one who ends up steering the day and he seems pretty content with that
And what happens the one time he actively tries to take control of something without permission from Yugi? He not only ends up with one of his worst memories ever (almost killing Kaiba), he also upsets his partner so much that Yugi wants nothing to do with him- he loses trust in him at a very crucial time and tries to not only ignore Atem, but make him be quiet as well, wich, as someone with absolutely no physical form, who can only EXIST in any way as a voice in someone else’s mind….
That has got to be the most agonizing punishment I can imagine
And that is what happens when Atem tries to make his own decisions
Sadly, he’s actually more or less been groomed for sharing a body with someone, with the way decision making has always worked for him- namely obeying others without room for much questioning or denial
With all of that said, throw in the fact that he STILL is very unfamiliar with modern times (even with Yugi’s memories, he’s never experienced anything that Yugi hasn’t, that means alot of things- like driving, for example- are inherently foreign to him) and having his own body is VERY different from sharing someone else’s, I imagine sleeping on his own for the first time- deciding when to go to bed, setting an alarm, even just … sleeping… is all a pretty huge task to take on at first) how could he possibly be in control and on his own? How could he not seek out a guidance system of some sort- even if it isn’t conscious- to get through life? How could he not want to rely on someone else to figure out … life?
Especially life without a purpose
In Egypt, he knew from the first moment he could understand having a purpose that the entire point of his life was to be a symbol- a king, a god, a ruler, an ornament, a pharaoh- and that that would be his life’s purpose until the moment he died- possibly even after he died, depending on how Atem was taught, we know he acts as a sort of pharaoh in Aaru via DSOD (or atleast looks like one) but it’s unclear if anyone knew or said he would be one back then- but now…
What’s his life going to be about?
He can do what he wants, he can act how he wants, decide what he wants, love who he wants, choose what he wants, he can be who he wants to be, and all of that sounds very freeing but in reality it must be … so. TERRIFYING.
Similar in concept to raising a wild animal in captivity an then suddenly releasing them years later with no preparation for making it in the wild, how are they supposed to function? It sounds nice, but when they’ve been raised to depend on people for everything and are then tossed into the wild on their own out of nowhere it’s .. actually pretty cruel (and no this is not a statement on animals that are temporarily captive and raised to be able to survive on their own later, it’s not a statement on animals at all, let’s move on)
This is why I will always write Atem as gravitating towards letting other people have control, following those he trusts, being a little bit dependent, only feeling truly free and at peace when he’s able to follow rather than lead
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