MorgⒶn ElizⒶbeth

Thought i was somebody nobody could love.

Thank you! 💜

This was really hard for me to do but it had to be done. I had to say goodbye to a friend today. I know I’m doing what’s best for me but I feel terrible for it. I’m going to miss them a lot but unfortunately I don’t think that they will be willing to change. Addiction is a terrible disease and I’m glad that I was able to walk away from that life, many of my friends probably never will.

I FUCKING DID IT!!! I seriously still can’t believe that I haven’t used drugs in a whole damn year. I mean I would be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted at times because those cravings are intense as hell and they really don’t fully go away, it’s just easier to deal with them now. I’ve found so much strength in this journey. In my path to recovery I’ve had plenty of time to reflect on my life and one thing that I realized was a constant throughout my life was substance use. Whether it was weed, alcohol, pills or cocaine there was always something I was using as a crutch or as an escape. My drug use was always an attempt to subdue my dysphoria. My earliest memories are all feelings of dysphoria and even though I didn’t realize it as a young kid, I’ve always been trying to fight off dysphoria any way that I could. Nothing ever worked except for drugs, or at least I thought they worked. In reality I was just numbing myself for however long my high lasted and as soon as I came down I just felt like shit all over again. I’ve come to understand that what I really need to do is continue making steps forward in my transition, no matter how big or how small, I just need to keep moving. Also ignore all the paint on my table lol.

Thank you so much, friend. 💜💜💜

Its not waiting for you and neither am I