dont lose your keys

peeta : “that’s true. only i think he hates me even more…”

Sirius Black knew everything there was to know about James Potter.

He knew, for example, that James had had a year in his childhood when he was obsessed with a stuffed pig named Lolly. He’d carried her around with him everywhere, even taking her to the bathroom. 

He also knew that James loathed the scent of horseradish. It was to the point that Sirius and the others would conjure the smell just to see James retch and gag, all while they doubled over laughing nearby.

And, of course, he knew that James didn’t share his treacle tart. It was a simple fact. He would share any other food, but this was off limits.

So, one night in seventh year when the school was serving the treat, Sirius didn’t bother asking James for some, even when he got the last piece. It was just common knowledge. Nobody was to come between James and his treacle tart.

When Regulus stopped by the table, Sirius also didn’t bother reacting. The thing Regulus and James had was new, but he was trying to be supportive of it. Even if he thought it was completely insane, and probably just a fling.

“Hey, love,” he heard James mumble to Regulus, and he tried not to grimace at the pet name. So odd. “Did you get any?”

Sirius looked up curiously. Was he talking about the treacle tart?

“No,” Regulus replied, shrugging. Good. At least he knew James well enough not to ask for such a ridiculous thing.

But then Sirius’s mouth flew open. Because James–James Potter, lover and hoarder of all things treacle tart–was cutting his own slice in half and sliding it on a plate for Regulus.

“There you go, baby. See you later,” James said simply, handing Regulus the plate and kissing him on the cheek.

With a murmur of thanks, Regulus walked off.

Sirius wasn’t the only one staring at James with a flummoxed expression.

“What?” James asked, confused, when, after a few bites, he looked up and noticed his friends staring.

“N-nothing,” Sirius murmured.

james spoke too much but not because he wanted to. he just felt the need to do so because he could never be at ease when he was quiet. he had to be louder than whatever went on in his head.

he will never ever admit how quickly he melted on the spot

Fuck you for making everyone in your book cis, straight, white, able bodied, English speaking and from England (and if they weren’t they were some kind of stereotype)

This is my personal middle finger to you.

Remus, welsh, trans ftm, gay, disabled, uses a cane, would definitely side with Luigi, definitely only married Tonks cause they both needed someone to support them, fuck you

Sirius, French, definitely got some gender fuckery going on, bi, beats the shit out of nazis/homophobes/transphobes, love of my life, fuck you

Peter, Australian, he doesn’t fucking know or care, he just likes people (sometimes), definitely joins Sirius in his violent conquests, fuck you

James, south Asian, pan, poly, bro just loves fucking everyone, he is incapable of hate (most of the time), would literally only hate you and Voldemort, fuck you

Lily, Scottish, bi, poly, angry as fuck, will whip ur ass for talking badly about any of her friends, she would eviscerate you online, twitter is her playground and she will make you her bitch, fuck you

Marlene, Aussie, lesbian, defo some gender fuckery too, one day she’s all girly pop, next she’s in knee length cargos, crew socks, a wifebeater and uggs, about to whack you over the head with her surfboard, fuck you

Mary, Swahili, bi, trans mtf, my goddess, is just genuinely, kinder, funnier and a better writer than you, omg I just decided Mary keeps these like rlly long diaries just full of stories she’s written, hol up while I write that down, fuck you

Pandora, god knows, she’s just turned up one day, pan, trans mtf (oh I’m not even done yet), speaks in tongues fluently, would defo shit talk you to Sybil, fuck you

Sybil, Czech, bi, ace, trans (she/they) (my knowledge only extends so far on the terms front) would calmly and incredibly gorely tell you how you are going to die, and then watch Barty carry it out, smiling, fuck you

Dorcas, where do we headcanon Dorcas is from? I think she grew up in London but that might just be because I need a token “grew up here” character, would beat you, don’t fight me, fight her, fuck you

Regulus, French, bi, poly, trans ftm, he is babygirl (this is a non gendered term to me) yeah sure he’s fucked up and makes mistakes and shit, he’s remorseful, he makes up for it, but still, he’s babygirl, because if he saw you, Hed spit on your shoes and tell you to turn to love, fuck you

Evan, German, he swears Dora just showed up one day, gay, bored, loml, I cried over him two days ago, he would also beat you up, or maybe just watch Barty do it, fuck you

Barty, English (wow look at that), trans ftm, gay, fucking crazy, I love him, would troll you on twitter, would call you John Rowling and ask how much you like it BITCHHH, fuck you

Is that everyone? It doesn’t feel like everyone. I am missing someone.

OHHHH LOVES OF MY LIFE WAIT

Bellatrix, French, lesbian, crazy bitch, I love her, defo dates Rita, would be a total misandrist except for when guys are useful to her, clung only Molly cause he reminded her of the people she loved (Cissy, Rita, Andy) and would hate you :), loves Peggy by ceechyna, fuck you

Narcissa, french, lesbian, swordfights, reads Sappho, is the fucking best, Queen of lavender marriages, would give you a mildly disgusted look and walk away, we are rather displeased with you

Andromeda, French, straight (whattt???), defo tops tho, don’t know much about her but I’d like to, give me fic recommendations, she seems fucking badass, she would kill you for her little gender fluid baby, fuck you

Rita, English, lesbian (it’s getting funny at this point), trans mtf (I’m shitting myself laughing with all my headcanons written out like this), dyslexic, fight me, that quick quotes quill was there for one reason and one reason only, so she could diss you with the spelling immaculate, fuck you

Alice, German, bi, genuinely a kind person, would get incredibly angry at you if you hurt anyone she likes feeling though, wouldn’t hurt you or anything, just go best red and start crying (tears of anger) while saying mean things about you, then cissy would come over, and then she’d punch you, only if cissy said to though, fuck you

Ted, English (Yorkshire, I just know it), cis het, he does bottom though, fight me, seems genuinely kind, we love to see it, just a nice guy, fuck yeah, still fuck you though

Behold them in all their glory, no particular order or reasons. Just vibes

If I forgot anyone, pls tell me, :))) I don’t want to tag this, it’s gonna be everywhere.

I reached 30 tags so quickly,

Also JK using the pen name Robert Galbraith

How you be transphobic but have a whole separate identity that's male 🤨🤔