Moonlit Yume

at the beginning of his arc, when we are first introduced to his character, he seems to be a very specific kind of person. he undervalues humans for being weak creatures, and extends that to his brother, for having human blood, making him dirty and low in comparison to himself. when inuyasha is shown to be the intended heir of the tessaiga, it makes him even angrier, and he tries to defy his fathers will to take it back for himself.

sesshomaru respects his father and is inspired by him, and his legacy, even if he doesnt wish to get it for himself. the opposition is the same as considering himself the rightful ruler of tessaiga while ignoring his fathers wishes, believing himself to know better..

this all revolves around the fact that he resents his father for falling in love with a human, and having a child with her. its the reason he hates inuyasha so much, because he is the physical proof of his fathers, the greatest man hes ever known, biggest mistake. inuyasha is a mistake, while he is not.

however.

to most people, this reads as simply an extention to his hatred towards humans. but .. what if i were to say that sesshomaru never really hated humans, as a species, before this whole event? its not like he was a big fan of humans, far from it. in his eyes, humans were akin to ants, insignificant. and to be quite fair i have not met a single person who has a deep hatred of ants. theyre more annoying and kind of inconvenient if anything, but not worth of such a strong feeling like hatred.

it can also be read, as it often is, that he hates humans because loving a human woman is what resulted in his fathers death. and that is not wrong ! but its far from the only reason, and not particularly reprentative of his fathers weakness, in his view.

instead, i argue that, to sesshomaru, his fathers weakness was not loving a human, but loving at all.

what is it, that sesshomaru knows of love? to answer that question, we have to look into his life, and family relationships. unfortunately, we dont get to see much of it, which makes my job harder. but i think that, even from the little things we do get, it is possible to notice some aspects that influenced him.

sesshomaru was born to the great dog demon, toga, and his first wife. his father would later leave his mother to pursue the human princess izayoi, having his second son. by that time, sesshomaru was already an adult, so its safe to assume that he grew up with both of his parents. or is it?

toga was a warrior, fighting wars and many beasts, having his stories told as he traveled the world and conquered lands. that is not to say that he was an absent father, my the most rigid meaning of the term, but that, in comparison to sesshomarus mother, his presence was not as defining. it is noticeable too, as sesshomarus temper, and even worldview, is more similar to his mothers than his fathers. it is not a strange assumption to make, that he was more influenced by his mother as he was raised.

as to their marriage? very little is said about it, besides the fact that they had a son together and that toga would later leave his wife for a woman that he loved. considering their status, it is highly probable that their marriage was not necessarily one out of love, but as a way to keep the status quo, as many noble families do.

in that way, sesshomaru would grow into not a home filled with hatred, but one devoid of love, in the most traditional sense. even if his parents loved him, as i dont doubt for one second, their love was not the kind of nurturing love, as opposed to how inuyashas mother loved him, for example. the way izayoi loved inuyasha impacted his life forever, as a mothers love does. and when we see sesshomarus mother, no matter how happy she may be to see her child, she remains strict, even cold. they do not see each other much, and sesshomaru does not make an effort to change that. because of course, why would he? it does not serve him, he has no reason to.

being raised by that woman, sesshomaru clearly grew into an utilitarian mindset. usefulness is the most important thing a person can provide, and to someone like him, most of the time that means strength. and as much as his father disagreed with that mindset, even giving him life advices from time to time, one thing that he failed to do was to teach him the importance of caring. toga expected sesshomaru to learn how to love, to have someone to protect, but he didnt consider that teaching him how to feel love was a necessary thing.

i find it lazy to say that yokais are just like that, incapable of love by their nature. some of them are cruel, see pleasure in pain and no need for feelings. but some of them are loving and kind. it stands that yokais are not too dissimilar to humans in that way, for we also need to be taught how to love when we are young. sesshomaru is no exception, and it is the reason he turned out the way he did.

when sesshomaru sees his father leave his mother, a powerful noblewoman who gave him a poweful heir, for a human woman who was weak and could not provide him with anything his mother could, for such a simple feeling as love? he could not understand why. it did not make any sense, it was against any type of logic. and he was proven right when that flaw caused his death.

to see such a great man fall from everything he achieved for something so unrational, it was a dissapontment. and to see such a flaw be embodied by inuyasha, as well as having him receive his fathers most powerful sword, it was even more unrational. sesshomaru should have tessaiga because he was made to be a heir, a powerful daiyokai, the son of the great dog demon. he was made to be perfect, while inuyasha was born out of.. love. out of a weakness.

and that would make sesshomaru angry for his entire life

until, of course, he met rin.

rin was, without a doubt, the first person to ever show him love, unprompted. his parents showed him love in the form of guidance, for being their child and heir. jaken showed him love in the form of adoration and devotion, after seeing how powerful of a man sesshomaru was and having his life saved.

rin, however, showed him love, by caring, upon seeing he was hurt.

that kind of love was not something sesshomaru was familiar with, never having any experiences with that. it is fair to assume that if sesshomaru was ever in a situation like this before, and had in fact received help, it wouldve been for self benefit of the other party. but that clearly wasnt the case for rin. she was a little human girl, who sesshomaru tried to keep away, but she couldnt help herself but to be caring. rin, who was an orphan, much likely bullied, all alone. she had nothing to give and yet she did, out of the goodness of her heart.

and sesshomaru was touched by it. be it because he felt bad for her death, or had a sense of retribution after what she had done. i doubt he wouldve brought her back to life if it was hard for him to do, but it was easy, and he could. the lack of difficulty doesn't change the fact that he brought himself to, when it wouldve been just as simple to walk past her and think "such is life for weak creatures like humans". but he was moved by it, because for the first time in his life, he had been shown unconditional love.

the fact it was a human to do that is not exactly the point, though i wouldn't call it just a coincidence. its clearly meant to parallel his father, whos strength largely came in being capable of love, as long with loving a human woman and having something to protect in her and his second son. it is also a parallel his mother, in the sense that he is much like her, but so different from her in the way he is able to love rin in a way she never loved him.

sesshomarus strength came through rin, as he regained it after her care, and after this, we watch him slowly learn how to love. he becomes nicer and more appreciative of jaken, but also takes in kohaku, extending the love rin taught him to others. i will say, he is still a little emotionally constipated, but thats part of the charm.

he is not perfect, but a learning, growing person, and he can be more than what was given him, building his own legacy with the people he learned how to love.