The Water Hears and Understands

Explaining that the prominent iced coffees and chocolate-glazed Munchkins were essential to director Christopher Nolan’s adaptation of the ancient Greek epic, actor Matt Damon defended Tuesday the placement of Dunkin’ Donuts products in the upcoming film The Odyssey. “Look—for a voyage that long, you’d need 50 sausage, egg, and cheese croissants, at least,” said the actor, who added that he spent countless hours consulting with historians while preparing for the starring role of Odysseus to get a sense of what the hero might have ordered from the Massachusetts-based chain in Greece during the Late Bronze Age. 

Bursting through the stall door with a baseball bat hoisted over his head, director Christopher Nolan reportedly confronted moviegoer Luke Dias on Friday for using the bathroom during The Odyssey. “You just couldn’t hold it, could you?” the Oscar-winning filmmaker said as he kicked his victim off the toilet seat and delivered a violent swing that shattered the porcelain stool.