moon

*horrible coughing and hacking noises* i need to go to the hospital...... *more coughing and hacking* the sex hospital

woahhhh a floor beef clover it must be my yucky day

it takes a truly sick mind to fantasize about two real people being friends with each other #DarkRPF

mymusician... oughh my little bug [remembers parasocial relationships are bad] [remembers infantilization is bad] this complete stranger is their own huge bug

the menstrual cup and menstrual scepter

i think there a lot of other animals we can hold that are not just horses

starting a foundation that gives disadvantaged children one wild ass night at the club

Why the fuck are you suggesting putting CHILDREN in a club?

So they can sip grey goose, maybe have a cig, and feel the rhythm? Are you the fun police?

just received the best text message I’ve ever had. from my mom

beautiful women named hazardous air quality are messaging me

american blackbirds are icterids but european blackbirds are thrushes but american robins are thrushes but european robins are flycatchers and they are named robin because (checks notes) brits in the 1400s called them "robert" on account of they are just some familiar guy who shows up in your yard. hold on post canceled is that really why they are called that? what the fuck. they did this with jackdaws and magpies too? i can't even be annoyed. how human. "who's that? that's bob." fuck dude it sure is.

if they're gonna remake The Princess Bride, it should open with a kid sick in bed scrolling on his phone. his grandpa arrives with a gift--it's a DVD player with a disc already inside. grandpa hooks it up to the TV and presses play. and we all just watch the original 1987 film again.