moonbeamcg

you and percy jackson had been dating for almost three months until you decided to break up with him. 

It wasn’t that he was ignoring you or was a bad boyfriend, but something deep down made you feel like you were dragging him down with you. 

you never really understood why percy seemed to have feelings for you, it kept you up at night but you never found the courage to talk to him about it. you found those doubts stupid and so you tried to move on with your day. 

but those doubts kept growing every day and some part of you thought that you weren’t good enough for him. you two had always been total opposites and at first it didn’t bother you, but as you and percy became closer you realised that you both were making a terrible mistake. 

you felt as if you were failing on the role of the ‘good girlfriend’ and made you feel so anxious that you almost threw up. 

so, you did what you were good at. 

you run away. 

you broke up with him, leaving percy no room to react or fight for this so-called relationship. you collected some hoodies and pyjamas that you had forgotten in his dorm and left. 

you felt guilty for leaving like that, without giving him an actual reason, just a dry ‘there’s no future in this relationship’. you still couldn’t forget the way percy tried to reason with you, find a solution to this problem that he had no idea existed and was jeopardising your relationship.  

“tell me what’s wrong and I’ll fix it”  you kept replaying this conversation in your head like a movie stuck in a loop. his voice was soft and you had to refrain from taking your words back. 

“you can’t fix it this time percy” you said and almost immediately; a frown formed on his lips, looking as if you had stabbed him on the back. 

that’s all you had said and had walked out of his dorm. 

it had been a month since you had broken up and everything felt weird. no one was sending you good morning texts, no one knocked at your door to walk you to your class, no one stayed over and watched a cheesy romcom with you and kept saying how similar you two were to the main characters. 

just silence. 

when your friends annabeth and grover (you had met them through percy and had somehow instantly clicked) found out about the break up, they thought that you were pulling a prank. 

you had decided to meet up in the library and you had to burry your face deep in whatever essay you had to write, in an attempt to ignore how intense they were looking at you.  

“but percy is crazy about you” grover reasoned, and he looked as if someone had discontinued his favourite snack. 

“we were too different” you clenched this admission as tight as you could so you wouldn’t think you made a mistake. This was better for the both of you and you could imagine percy doing better now that you parted ways. 

even if it hurts you. 

annabeth pulled you out of your thoughts by placing her hand on your shoulder and gave you a look that you knew all too well. she was silently offering you comfort without judging you or feeling pity. 

you gave her a smile and the three of you silently tried to finish your essays without saying anything else. maybe they didn’t understand why you broke up with him but they made you feel a little less shitty about yourself. 

**

your dorm was uncharacteristically quiet. 

usually, you would have music blasting through your laptop or have some friends over and gossip about your college life. you didn’t have the energy to do anything though, so you were simply laying on your bed. 

you were supposed to feel better. 

you weren’t allowed to want him back when you knew that you weren’t the best girlfriend. there had been a lot of times where it was hard for you to open up or simply enjoy the moment without overthinking it. 

perseus jackson deserved the whole god damn world and even though you loved him, you knew that you weren’t the one for him. 

it hurt more than you could admit. 

was this even possible? to love someone but know that you are hurting them unintentionally? 

you decided that at least now, you'll try to be better. you didn’t know if you would be able to move on but you could try and get rid off the ugly parts of yourself. 

you took one glance at your lock screen-it was a picture of you and percy that you had forgotten to change-and let out a sigh. you might have broken up but that boy was still the owner of your heart and you weren’t sure if you actually wanted  him to give it back. 

**

you thought that percy would be doing a lot better now that he wasn’t yours anymore. 

well you couldn’t be more wrong. 

when you walked into your english class, you had taken a glimpse of him from his seat and your breath hinged. 

percy was leaning against his chair, black circles covering his beautiful face and his hair was a mess. he was wearing a black hoodie and seemed like he was zoning out. 

you had learnt through a trusted source (annabeth) that percy had been rejecting every girl that had tried to take up your spot. you would be lying to yourself if you said that you weren’t surprised. 

you sat down in your seat at the back of the class and tried your hardest to ignore the way his eyes followed your movements. 

you couldn’t help but start to worry about him because he needed to move on. you knew that you weren’t good for him and deep down he knew it too. 

but a part of you seemed to be relieved at the fact that he hadn’t done anything with another girl yet. 

at the cafeteria, you saw him sitting at a table near the corner. percy was sitting alone, looking like a completely different person. 

your percy would be talking excitedly, moving his hands in the air to give more emphasis to his words and his eyebrows would be knitted together as he tried to concentrate at the story he was telling and not have his attention drift away. 

this one was sitting quietly in his seat, looking at his food like it had betrayed him. 

it perplexed you as to why he was sitting at that particular table when he usually sat at the center of the cafeteria, talking to either jason or grover. 

but then it hit you. 

that was the table where you first met. 

it had been a hectic day and your friends had been nowhere to be found. you scanned the cafeteria, hoping to find an empty table and somehow you saw a table near the corner that seemed empty. 

you had walked towards it and sat down. 

as you let out a sigh, you realised that someone was sitting on the other end of the table. 

percy had stared at you, surprise and curiosity flashing in his eyes as you gave him an awkward smile. he hadn’t been rude; didn’t tell you to sit somewhere else, just stared back at his phone and ate his sandwich. 

you never really learnt why he sat there; at the time you thought that he also couldn’t find his friends and just sat at a random table. 

but now you know. 

he had admitted it to you once, when he had stayed over and was cuddling you like you were something fragile. 

“it was an excuse to talk to you” he had said, tracing absentmindedly circles on your waist. he had said it so casually like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“but why?” you couldn’t help but ask as you buried your face on the crook of his neck. 

“my friends had been begging me to make a move on you and well, that’s all i could come up with” he admitted with a sheepish smile and you could only laugh. 

you felt butterflies in your stomach. 

percy still remembered, you thought that he was silently inviting you to sit next to him and pretend like everything was like before. 

and you so badly wanted to pretend but you didn’t. 

because you knew how it would end. 

a part of you wondered if it had been a mere coincidence but you knew it wasn’t. it was the way he was staring at the seat across from him like if percy wished hard enough, you would appear in that seat and keep him company like before. 

like how it should be. 

you dragged your legs at your friends’ table and tried to eat your food without bursting out in tears in the middle of the college cafeteria. 

** 

you couldn’t really remember what made you come to this campus party but here you were. 

everyone had been talking about it for the past week and even if you didn’t have the energy for it, something told you that it would be a good distraction. 

the music was loud, people were dancing and screaming at the top of their lungs and it was enough to ignore the racing thoughts in your head. 

your friends were also there and they had dragged you into the dance floor and you couldn’t help but just relax. you moved your body and shook your head like it was the first time that you felt so carefree. even for a few minutes you felt better. 

you decided it would be a good idea to go grab a drink and so you moved through the crowd of sweaty teenagers. 

when you arrived at the table with the red cups filled with beers, you went to grab one and suddenly your hand grazed someone else’s. somehow they went to grab the same cup. 

you didn’t even have to look at the stranger to know who it was. 

“oh” percy stared at you and your breath hinged. it had been two months since your break up but your heart still fluttered at the sight of him. he was wearing a light blue shirt with baggy jeans. he had also left three buttons undone and it took everything in you not to stare at the way a part of his torso was peaking out. 

you had no idea what to say. what was the appropriate response in seeing your ex at a party? you just stared at him, hoping that the ground would swallow you whole. 

 you decided to stay quiet and took a sip off your cup. this was way too awkward for you to handle so when you saw that percy hadn’t replied to you a few seconds later, you turned around to hide among the crowd. 

but before you could walk away; you heard his voice, soft and quiet and you wondered how you were able to hear it. 

“why?” one word that was somehow more painful than him completely ignoring you. at first you froze, blinked a few times to make sure that it wasn’t your mind and as you were about to answer, percy took you by the hand and was leading you away from the party. 

you two ended up in a room (it was probably the host’s but you couldn’t care less) and percy closed the door as he let out a sigh. 

you stared at him again, debating on whether you should admit the truth or bury it even deeper. 

“why did you leave?” percy rephrased his question and was now leaning against the door. you found it normal that he wanted an explanation since you never bothered to give him one. 

“percy-” 

“tell me the truth” he cut you off as if he knew that you would try to avoid the question. you hated how well he could read you sometimes. 

you took in a quick breath and felt your heartbeat ringing through your ears. 

“does it matter?” you asked and took a step back, creating more distance between you. but as if on instinct, percy took a step closer and clenched his fists in a way to prevent himself from pulling you into his arms. 

he would be lying if he said that he hadn’t missed you but right now he needed closure. it had bothered him a lot; the way you decided to walk away without an explanation but percy couldn’t blame you for that. 

he knew how clingy he got when he was comfortable with people let alone with his girlfriend. he could be rambling about random stuff that popped up on his brain and had to share it with someone or else he would explode. 

percy understood how you could get bored of him. 

he just wanted you to verbalise it so he would stop going back and forth, analysing every moment you two had and try to see when exactly you started feeling this way.  

“I think I deserve to know why you broke up with me out of the blue” he wasn’t pissed. how could he be when you were still looking at him with those big eyes that could make him turn the world upside down? 

“because you need someone better” you admitted while fidgeting with the ends of your skirt. percy’s eyes widened at your confession but didn't say anything. he left you space so you could explain yourself and it was so hard not to fall for him deeper. 

“I'm not the best person to be around” you carried on. “I..Ι thought that you’d be better off without me” 

”that’s not true” it surprised you how fast he was in disagreeing with you. after everything; he still managed to see the best in you. 

he let out a sigh of relief. 

and now everything made sense; you hadn’t gotten bored of him but simply thought you weren’t good enough for him. 

which was a huge lie. 

silence fell between you but not an awkward one. you could see how percy was trying to put his racing thoughts into words and you ended up fidgeting with your hands. 

“there hasn’t been a day where I haven’t thought of you” he confessed which caught you completely out of guard. “you might think that I deserve someone better but all I want is you” 

your breath hinged in your throat. you hadn’t really thought about the fact that percy loved you no matter what. 

percy cupped your face with his hands and rested his forehead against yours.  a part of you told you to pull away from him, get away fast before it was too late. 

that’s what you’ve been telling yourself; running away was the right thing. 

but him holding you so close made you realise that you didn’t want to be scared anymore. you wanted him to know everything about you, your favourite dessert, your biggest fear, literally anything you could think of. 

you were determined to make things right this time, no more hiding and endless what ifs. percy was still trying to fix things so why couldn’t you give it another shot? 

“I’m-” you tried to say but he immediately cut you off. 

“I don’t care what you are, we’re doing this together and you don’t have a choice” he said firmly, earning a chuckle from you. you had forgotten how stubborn percy was so even if you wanted to tell him every romantic thing you could think of, it died in your tongue. 

“I don’t mind your overthinking or your doubting” percy reassured you, placing a kiss on your temple. “I’ll overexplain everything if I have to”   

your heart was beating so fast making you believe that percy was able to hear it. “sorry for running away” you said and that only made him place a hand on your waist and pull you closer. 

“just promise me that you’ll never do it again” he brushed a few strands of hair away from your face and you almost got lost in his eyes. 

the next thing you know, you’re leading percy back to your dorm and you try to hide the huge grin that had formed on your lips. the two of you enter the dorm and before you could say anything, percy’s lips are on yours. 

his lips still tasted like saltwater and forever.