MonkeyD.Sady

He was stopping by just to see Max, but all the increasingly concerning noise coming from the Munson’s trailer drew him over there instead. Worried that all the cursing and clattering would drown out any chance of a knock being heard, Steve lets himself in. 

Eddie doesn’t even notice him come inside, too busy scrambling around the complete wreck of a kitchen.

“Dude, are you cooking or just banging pots and pans together? I thought you were dying in here.”

Eddie squawks and jumps about a foot in the air. His hair is even more disheveled than usual, barely tied down with a bandana. He’s got flour splotches on his face and all over the frilly grandma apron he’s wearing (which Steve is definitely getting a photo of and showing Dustin later) along with a suspiciously sticky goo on his fingers.

“Stop laughing at me,” Eddie groans. 

“I’m not laughing,” Steve laughs, going to join him in the kitchen, “What are you doing, man?” 

crowley’s are obviously straight forward. he's so intense. he needs this. he knows this very well may be their only kiss.

and aziraphale gives in for a moment, grabbing crowley back, holding him.

Probably stupid but hear me out:

• We try to pet/make friend with everything

• several different species are documented to have raised abandoned/lost humans (famously wolves, but monkeys, parrots, cats and more have raised humans)

• animals that can harm/kill us typically leave us alone (cougars don’t tend to attack unless there’s kittens around, black bears are small but they can 100% kill you if they wanted but they just kinda go away, orcas are smart enough and big enough to hunt us if they wanted to but there’s 0 wild cases of death by orca)

• there are species that are so chill with humans they literally domesticated themselves

• humans get an oxytocin boost when we see cute things, we want to be friend!!!! (Cute is subjective, some people see bugs as creepy some see bugs as friend, there’s always someone who sees something as friend!!)

• we don’t have the best natural defence or offence meaning we ride a lot on “you don’t bother me I don’t bother you” cause idk about you but I got nothing if a horse decides it’s my time to go (yeah we can build armor and weapons but we have to actively make and use them, we don’t come ready made with a suit of metal armor)

Now it's being very supportive of my (character's) becoming a vampire... (messages behind cut)

We have now introduced werewolves into the story, which Bing-bot is taking surprisingly seriously...

Halloween is coming. Holiday chaos. And there's no help in this house for Steve 😾🎃

For a second villain stared dumbly at the text on her phone. Then she bolted from her desk towards the door. It was 10:17 - a taxi would be faster than the metro at this hour to get to midtown -

"Hey!" their coworker said, pulling out her airpods. "Where are you going?"

"Medical emergency," the villain snapped and slammed out the office door.

A precious 29 minutes later the villain arrived at the medic's apartment to find a motley gathering of capes and masks shuffling and looking suspiciously at each other in the hall. There was an air of a 2am fire drill - few supers operated on daylight hours, especially not the low to mid-powered supers the medic took on as clients, and the whole event had the awkward feel of meeting your neighbors in their pajamas.

The vigilante wore their normal black of course, but in the daylight the denim was faded and the jacket obviously cheap pleather. On the villainous side there was that grimy little clown themed duo in plain white face paint instead of their full make-up. For the heroes there was that kid goody-two-shoes try-hard - of course she'd rolled up in full uniform, minus the normal tracker camera the Hero Agency mounted on all its people now. And hero, the villain's nemesis, was there too, having jammed on the cowl and gloves over his t-shirt and jeans, just like villain had over her business clothes. He was standing in the doorway, and visibly sighed in relief as villain turned the corner.

"Oh thank God you're here," hero said and wasn't that terrifying that he had nothing flirty or snarky to say about villain's suit.

The goody-two-shoes did a double take. "Her?!" she snapped, even as she rocked her weight nervously from leg to leg. "You were waiting on her?"

"We sure weren't waiting on you to do something useful, cupcake," the female gremlin drawled from where she slouched against her partner on the hall floor, flicking her knife through her fingers.

"Yeah, didn't realize medic was a pediatrician too," the male gremlin giggled.

"Knock it off." The hero stepped aside, opened the door. "I kept them out, kept the scene clean for you."

The goody-two shoes groaned, buried her head in her hands. "This can't be happening."

"Quick, did someone bring a pacifier?" one of the gremlins stage whispered.

The vigilante pointedly stepped over the two clowns, forcing them to jerk backwards or take a combat boot to the face. "We're assuming this is about us," they breathed to the hero and villain. "What if they got hit by a bus? Dropped dead of a heart attack?"

"No reports from the hospitals or morgues of unidentified persons matching medic's description," Villain said curtly. "Checked on the way here. No communication to or amongst medic's friends and family about an emergency."

Goody-two-shoes blinked. "You... know [medic]'s real identity?"

"And that is why we were waiting on her," hero said patiently. "Now everyone shut up."

The villain curtly nodded acknowledgement, stepped into medic's apartment though it would not be necessary. The medic had disappeared from the street, at some point after they'd used their debit card to buy their usual black coffee at 7:04am and at some point before they'd failed to badge in at work by 8:15am. Still, the villain did a quick scan. The little homemade exam/treatment area had been freshly cleaned, the trash emptied. The tablet and laptop were missing from their docking station, but the go-bag was still in place under the desk.

"Y'all are gonna give me a minute with [medic] when we find them," the male gremlin drawled. "This 12 hour deadline is bullshit. They said we'd have 24 hours if they missed a check-in."

"You're not getting shit," the vigilante growled around the toothpick they were chomping.

"And they shortened the deadline because I told them to," villain said, breathing in the smell of antiseptic and bleach. She'd also told the medic to set the deadman switch to every 8 hours, not every 24, but the others didn't need to know that.

"You what?!" said the gremlins and the goody-two-shoes in unison. The vigilante choked. Even hero looked startled.

"I advised them to consider how long they could hold out under torture to reveal the abort protocol," said villain, using a tongue depressor to lift a latex glove from the kitchen trash. "I'd say medic was pretty generous. Speaking of generous, I've seen enough." She pointed to hero. "Last person you referred to medic and when?"

Hero tilted his head, realization blooming. "You," he said to villain. "Nine months ago."

One of the gremlins pointed to vigilante. "We did you! We did you last Arbor Day!"

Vigilante sighed and jabbed a thumb at goody-two-shoes. "The kid," they sighed. "I dunno when. Summer?"

The goody-two shoes swallowed. "Um," she said very quietly.

As one, the group turned to the kid. She froze, eyes going wide behind the mask. "It was - I didn't mean to!" she cried, backing up. "Just - he noticed the scar and realized it wasn't sanctioned medical care and I - and I - !"

"Okay, slow down," said hero gently, shooting a warning look to the gremlins who were both holding knives and on their feet now. "Who did you tell?"

The goody-two shoes' shoulders collapsed. She looked miserably at her toes. "Superhero. Yesterday."

Everyone flinched.

"You idiot," the vigilante breathed.

"We're going to kill you," the female gremlin said to the goody-two shoes. The male cracked his knuckles. The hero took a deep breath and pushed the goody-two-shoes behind him -

"Save that for 12 hours from now," villain said briskly and dropped the glove back in the trash. "We've got just under 11 hours to find where Superhero's got medic stashed and mount a rescue before our identities and medical records are splashed all over the internet. And frankly, I think it's going to take every single one of us to meet that deadline."

The six of them looked at each other in the shadows of the hall. The hero mustered a grin. "That's why we're all here, right?" he said. "Instead of hiding or running. Medic's saved all of us- now we save them."

"They didn't save me, I wasn't dying," one of the gremlins muttered. But no one walked away.

“Doctor Mesmith, do you have a few moments to discuss your research paper ‘New Maladies in the Interstellar Union?’”

“Of course Doctor Zeryn.”

“Your theory is that thousands of unrelated illnesses across hundreds of species can be categorized under one umbrella term. That is a radical notion. It is very rare for bacteria and viruses to spread between species from the same planet. There is no evidence that pathogens have evolved the ability to infect life forms that originated on different star systems.”

“True, but there is precedent for universality of repetitive motion injuries, vascular blockages and neurological syndromes. These all have the same root causes: industrialization, stress and environmental influences.”

“But in your paper the root cause is crabs. It is an evolutionary curiosity that crabs have evolved independently millions of times in the known galaxy. You do not provide evidence for an argument for how aquatic arthropods cause all these unrelated organ failures. Perhaps this is a translation error?”

“Translation error? I don’t see how— Of course, that makes sense. Hold on. Try this.”

“Kanker?”

“It’s pronounced ‘kan-SIR’. I’m sure this has been described with a different name for each planet it has been discovered on.”

“It’s possible, what are the symptoms of what you call cancer?”

“Instead of symptoms I will describe what it does to the patient. Cells begin to grow abnormally within the patient’s body. These anomalous growths can cause organ failure and if untreated can spread throughout multiple systems resulting in cascading failures and death.”

“I have never heard of such a horrible illness.”

“Count yourself lucky. On earth there are over one hundred types of cancer. Even after thousands of years and countless discoveries some are still a mystery to us. Modern gene editing techniques cure most of them. In the past doctors had to rely on primitive treatments involving surgical removal of healthy tissue that might become cancerous, radiation bombardment of the affected area and administration of poisonous compounds.”

“Only humans could produce such nightmares.”

“Well, I guess there is a reason you call us death worlders. Even our own bodies try to kill us.”

[Some time later]

“Doctor Mesmith, thank you for the corpus of information you sent to the Interstellar Union Medical Research University. The gene editing treatments are proving most effective. A report from IUMRU has produced some alarming conclusions that they wanted me to share with you.”

“What were the findings?”

“Malignant grows were unknown before contact with Earth. No other planet has naturally occurring carcinogens. Humans are the only species who invented chemical compounds that cause these diseases. These compounds have been integrated into food production, manufacturing, economic output, vice and artistic expression.

Stiles: Well, with giant ears you’d hear things from miles away and wear backpacks as earrings. Free up your hands.

Derek: Backpacks already free up your hands. Guys, what do you think?

[The Alpha Pack is standing there]

Derek:

Stiles:

Kali: … Tail is much better.

Derek: Thank you! See, Stiles?

Stiles: All in favor of giant ears?

[Ennis, Ethan, and Aiden tentatively raise their hands]