Adventures of The Molasses

I’m sorry, you want us to stand here and hold this jar of molasses why?

From hunting Al-Shabaab in Somalia to escorting Molasses through southern Djibouti, this fellow has an interesting year. Molasses was honored to meet him.

No, Mother, we are not drunk, we are having a good time. Good gods. Do you even remember what that’s like anymore?

“Frank, hun, what kind of club did you say this is again? There are some strange looking people in line...”

He didn’t help at all with the shoveling though. Supercilious prick.

Okay. Thanks. Ahem. So, welcome to the first Objects Anonymous meeting. I’m Molasses, and I’ve been objectified for three years.

Molasses is prepared to see the year out in style. Farewell, 2015! Hello, the future.

Yeeees, kitty, tell me the secrets of this “christmas” we are celebrating! Advise me on how to be festive! More dinosaurs, pronto!

Happy Thanksgiving to all, and to all a good night!

One day, I will find someone to ride with me. We will ride through leaves and snow and flowers, and then our time will come. We will be called, together or separately. We will be called upon to fulfill our higher purpose. We will be cookies, or bread, or...well, yeah, probably one of those two.

Or you’re practicing self care - good for you, buddy, go back to meditating.

The world is bright and clear and green, and damn if it doesn’t feel like the first real day of fall. What a gorgeous day to be alive.

The people who carved out this room 1000 years ago never dreamed that it would one day be graced by the one (of many), the only (one we brought on the trip), the Molasses!

And there, beneath the city of Istanbul, the Medusa lies. Not dead, not asleep. Not waiting, because waiting implies expectation. Possibly the word we're looking for here is...dormant.

No, Mom, I don’t wanna come home. I wanna stay here forever. Ambiguous Feline and I are happy together, gosh darn it!

Always ready to act, to protect, to save. No matter the danger, no matter the cost. Lying in wait, outside the ladies room. No, wait, that doesn’t sound right.

First day! First ruins! So exciting! I bet these are the best ruins anywhere ever! We’ll never see another column again! Photograph all of them, for posterity!