Okslay, so I published this on my wattpad bare time ago. It was originally published in chapters so I've put little stars where that was in the story. TW SMUT
Vivi slouched against my bedroom door and scoffed, I didn't bother to turn around, I would only get chastised yet again. The room was riddled with dirty cups and plates, the curtains hadn't been opened in days and it had started to smell. I probably smelled a bit too.
"I know you're used to people waiting on you, you're highness," she said sarcastically. "But that shit won't fly around here for much longer."
"Leave me to die, Vee." I mumbled, tucked away under my unwashed covers. "I have nothing to live for anyway."
"You're right. You're absolutely right. You should kill yourself right now and be done with it." I looked up from under my cocoon, to see her face was more jovial than sinister. "Or you can shower, get dressed and come out with me and Heather."
"Out where?"
"Clubbing."
"Should I hang myself or jump off the roof?" I burrowed back down into my duvet. Vivi knocked her hand against the door frame before disappearing out of my room.
In the months since my exile, most days had been like this and I didn't see it improving. I found myself obsessing over what I would do to Cardan should I ever come to be in his presence again, I hated him and would never forgive him for subjecting me to the torture of the mortal world. And yet I still found myself musing over his wicked lips and all too clever hands, his kisses that bewitched me like faerie fruit. But still I thought of nothing more than my knife against his throat tied to that chair in the Court of Shadows.
I turned over, tugging my duvet with me. There was a clattering of porcelain and metal against the floor. I sat up quickly to see what had made the noise, plates encrusted with hardened food had shattered against the carpeted floor, followed by silverware that had fallen and bounced across the room. Vivi was right, it was time to sort myself out. I pried myself away from the duvet and stood in front of my mirror. Ghastly. A two day old spaghetti hoop stain, matted hair and breath that could knock Maddoc on his back. I was undoubtedly a mess.
I began by brushing my teeth, the mint stung my tongue, and then I dragged a brush through the tangled bird's nest on my head. I looked at myself in the mirror again, still not much better. So I showered, shaved my legs and changed my clothes. They were all minor changes but still, I felt marginally better for making them. Next came the challenge of tidying my room, it wasn't something I was particularly eager to begin but nonetheless I embarked on my mission. I began with the food encrusted plates, scrubby at them with everything Vivi held in her kitchen, before hoovering and changing my bed sheets.
When I had finished my self-prescribed chores, I called for my sister; knowing that as a faerie she could not lie about my accomplishments. I braced myself for the fanfare, as I guarded my door. When she approached, I dramatically unveiled my almost clean room. I anticipated her reaction as she inspected the space.
"Open a window." She said, hardly glancing at me. "It still stinks."
"Oh," I sighed, a little defeated.
"It's better than it was though." She turned herself to face me. "Do you feel any better?"
"I suppose. So, where are you guys going tonight?"
Vivi explained that they had planned to go bar hopping across town and hit a couple of clubs if they had time. "It's not exactly attending Court at the palace, but it's better than letting you wallow in your own self pity any longer."
I laughed hollowly, she was right. I needed to get out of the apartment soon or I would go crazy. "If I had anything to wear maybe I would go with you, but I look like the Queen of Mirth right now. Maybe I'll come with you next time."
"My God, could you be any more obvious? You can raid me and Heather's wardrobe." Vivi laughed, playfully nudging my arm. "Sort your face out, I know you have makeup."
That was true. I did have some makeup, however the method of which to use it eluded me. Never quite blended or bright enough, lines never straight, just splotchy clumps of black and beige. In Faerie I had Tatterfell to help me to ready myself, but here in the mortal world, I had to rely on my own clumsy hands.
I looked back to Vivienne. "What time are we leaving?"
With my eyes smeared with shimmering black eyeshadow and my lips painted a similar shade, I wriggled into a crimson, latex minidress, raided from Vivi's extensive closet. I tried to recreate the horn-like braids that Tatterfell so skilfully created in my hair, however one ended up a little lopsided. Finally, I stuffed my feet into a pair of black, platform boots. For the first time since arriving back in the mortal world, I looked in the mirror and liked who I saw. I may not be the High Queen of Elfhame, but by god I was majestic.
I strode out into our communal space, enveloped by a new sense of power. Vivi and Heather cheered for me, both standing up to embrace me.
"You look incredible." Vivi grinned, at last telling me a truth I wanted to hear.
"I know."
After glamouring a bouncer, Vivi lead us into a dimly lit bar. The walls were lined with what looked like red LED lights and varying graffiti style artworks. There was a bar on the back wall, proceeded by a sticky looking dance floor. Heather, who was apparently a regular, marched over to the bar and ordered a round of drinks. She handed me a tiny, triangular glass filled with a pinkish beverage. I sniffed it and recoiled, feeling the alcohol in the backs of my eyes.
"Christ, Heather! What's in this?" I laughed a little.
"I don't know, but they taste good." Fair enough, I thought sipping the drink. She was right. Vivi grabbed Heather's free hand and pulled her onto the dance floor. The DJ was playing something grungy, like our dad used to listen to. The song sounded familiar, like something from a distant, faded memory or a dream. Perhaps he'd played it for us on a long forgotten road trip. I watched them twist and twirl together with the music and smiled, Vivi had found a home in the mortal world, something I could only hope to accomplish. I swayed as they danced. It had none of the extravagance of the High Court revels, but at least they were happy here. I took a long sip of my drink and decided to join them, they welcomed me into their space as my clumsy feet tried to keep up with them. Heather grabbed my hand and spun me around.
I thought of the way Cardan had danced with me at Prince Dain's disastrous coronation, the way his fingers had grazed against my waist and his eyes, black as night, had looked down on me in sickening contempt. The way he loved hating me and hated loving me, my cruel husband. I pulled away from Heather.
"Where's the bathroom?" I shouted over the music. Vivi pointed past the bar, I nodded and started to walk away.
I tried to push through a rowdy crowd of middle aged men, but gave up and went around them. The room seemed to get smaller, maybe I wasn't ready for this. Maybe I was still too angry. And then, a few feet away from me I saw two midnight eyes. Panic seeped into my blood, I closed my eyes and tried to breathe but my breath hitched in the back of my throat. I reopened my eyes and they were gone, I was so certain I had seen them. I rushed towards the bathroom, my heart hammering against my chest. I leaned over the basin and splashed some icy water against my face, sending mascara streaming down my cheeks. Surely it hadn't been him, surely I had hallucinated it. Cardan could not be here, Cardan couldn't know where I was. I must have seen what I wanted to see, there was nothing more to it. I took a deep breath and stepped away from the sink. Cardan wasn't there.
I left the bathroom hesitantly. Despite assuring myself that I had hallucinated, I kept my eyes peeled. I saw Heather and Vivi propped up against the bar, nursing a blue drink. Heather was astounded when she squeezed a lemon into the drink, turning it magenta.
"It's like magic!" She giggle. Vivi and I shared a look between ourselves. "You were gone for ages, Jude! You good?"
"Yeah... I just needed a moment." I lied. I leaned against the bar and rested my head in my hands. I made eye contact with the bar tender and smiled, pointing at Heather's drink. "Can I have whatever this is?"
My head tingled as I drunkenly swayed to a what I assumed was an old rock ballad. The room had filled out even more, leaving little room to negotiate the dance floor. I tried my hardest to put the image of Cardan out of my mind, but it came to the forefront of my thoughts every now and then. I took a long swig from the bottle of beer I was holding and turned to look for my sister. Vivi and Heather had disappeared into the sea of people crowding the bar. I pushed my way to the side of the dance floor, hoping that distancing myself from the hoard would reveal them. To my disappointment, however, they were no where to be seen.
I turned away from the dance floor to face the seating area, plush velvet couches and red tinted lights. There, across the room, slouching back against the far wall were two inky black eyes stared right at me. His dark hair was slicked back from his face and his eyes were rimmed with kohl. He wore a sheer black shirt and what looked like black jeans. I saw his coiled tail twitch as he looked at me. My cheeks flushed with embarrassment, my attire was not at all what I would usually be seen in.
Before I knew what I was doing, I was halfway across the floor. His head cocked to one side and he smirked as he began to approach me. I felt Cardan's breath on my cheek as he leaned in to me.
"My darling, Jude." He whispered. I felt my fingers curl into a fist and I took a slight step back. My arm launched through the air, my fist colliding with his jaw.
"Fuck you." I spat. I felt my arms get pinned against my sides as someone much taller and heavier than me seized me. The bouncer. I was dragged from where I stood, away from Cardan's smug grin.
"I wish you would." He called after me, wiping a speck of blood from his wicked mouth. He watched as I was tossed out of the bar, a feeling that was reminiscent of one I had felt just a few months before upon my exile.
Vivi and Heather came tumbling out of the bar, shouting atop of each other. Through their mumbling and bumbling I managed to pick out only snippets of what they were actually saying.
"You just punched a guy!" Heather said, panic in her voice.
"That wasn't who I think it was... was it?" Vivi's feline eyes bored into me, chilling me to my core. I nodded, curtly and turned away from her.
"Who was it?" Heather asked, her words slurring slightly.
I looked back to Vivi who looked back at me, with a panicked gaze at her inability to lie. "Ex boyfriend." I responded, unable to looked her straight on. Vivi's look of relief spurred me on. "You know, the one who dumped me before I started crashing with you guys?"
Heather nodded slowly before kneeling down and unbuckling her shoes. "He probably deserved it then." She laughed and took both of her shoes off. "Shall we go somewhere else? I'm still in the party mood."
I thought about it for a moment, sobering up in the cool night air. "Fuck it. Why not?" Heather celebrated and stood back up.
"Are you sure that's a good idea, Jude? I mean, aren't you kind of angry?" Vivi asked. She was absolutely right, I was furious with Cardan for showing up in my world but I refused to allow him to ruin my night any more than he already had.
"I want to go and get drunk and dance and forget about all of this. You were right earlier, Vivi. I need this night out."
"Well can you at least try not to deck anyone else, please?"
We set off from the bar and headed further into the town centre. Clusters of girls in tight dresses and boys not dressed nearly well enough for the occasion sauntered through the cobbled streets, the air was filled with drunken laughter and flirting. The latter made me sick to my stomach. As I walked I felt my latex dress dampening from the heat of the evening, sticking to my back and legs. I began to realise that Vivi and Heather we far more intoxicated than I was, which I assumed would be a problem later in the night. Heather tripped on some invisible force, sending her careening into a conveniently placed Vivi. I turned to her, sending her a disapproving look. Since I had moved in with Heather and Vivi, I had noticed that my sister would sometimes glamour Heather into tripping or dropping things which Vivi would conveniently catch. Although I could no longer be glamoured, I did remember the feeling. I didn't approve of my sisters manipulations, and it seemed that being a mortal wooed by the Fae had only downsides in my experience. Vivi glanced back at me and shrugged, in her opinion she was doing nothing wrong; she was merely using her power to further her relationship with Heather. Regardless of what she thought, it was manipulation. She had power and Heather did not.
The line outside the next club was disastrously long. I believed the sun would have risen before we made it inside. Heather looked at her girlfriend, with pining eyes. "But baby, you can get us in anywhere! You said we were always on the list!" Of course, Heather thought this, Vivi had obviously been glamouring half of the mortal world just to stay in Heather's good books. As much as I hated it, I wanted Vivi to get us into the club, the evening had turned cool and I wasn't used to wearing so little this late in the day. The hypocrisy was not lost on me.
Vivi sighed in faux relent. "I guess I'll see what I can do, just for you." Heather gleamed as we followed her up to the front of the queue. As Vivienne spoke to the bouncer, her voice was thick with glamour, "I think you'll find us on the list." She purred.
The bouncer, poor man, became distant. His eyes glazed and he smiled. "Of course you are. Welcome." He pulled a smooth, velvet rope aside and ushered us into the building. As soon as we entered my ears we destroyed. The thudding base reverberated in my chest and a fog machine choked my lungs. It was rammed with bodies, moving and grinding against each other; I tried to force my way into a less densely packed area but was thrown to the dance floor. My thoughts harkened back to the High Court, a mortal would be entranced by the Faerie music and dance until their heart gave up. My tongue was dry and I couldn't see Heather or Vivi anywhere. Panic set in, this wasn't what I had intended when agreeing to the night out.
Again I tried to push my way out but was knocked to the floor, I curled up my fingers trying to avoid them being trampled and pulled my knees to my chest. No one seemed to notice that I had fallen. No one cared. A foot came down on mine, hard, and I yelped out in pain. My cry was swallowed up by the cheering and the bass. Through my balled up fist I rubbed to top of my bitten off finger, seeking comfort in the most rudimental way.
I was yanked up to my feet and dragged through the crowd. In my shock I fought back, pulled against the bejeweled hand. Bejewelled? No... no surely not-
I looked up to the person dragging me. And pulled harder. His dark eyes scolded me as he turned to face me. He pulled me towards him, making me collide with his chest. He placed his hand on my chin and forced me to look up at him.
"You're weak."
I guzzled down a bottle of water, trying to regain control of my breathing. Cardan sat next to me, staring ahead dismissively. His finger ran around the edge of a plastic cup, something I had often seen him do in deep thought at the palace, although I was used to seeing him do this with fine glassware. Vivi and Heather were still in the club, but Cardan had dragged me over to a quiet dive bar a couple of streets away. My head swam with questions, although I was grateful to him for getting me out of that situation, I was furious at him for showing up unannounced. Why was he even here?
The jukebox played a whiney jazz song on what sounded like a scratched record, occasionally jumping and hissing like a startled cat.
"I didn't need your help." I said, more aggressively than I had intended. Cardan continued to stare ahead as if ignorant to the fact that I had spoken. "I'm serious, I was fine. I was about to get up."
Cardan laughed, sourly. "Oh yeah? Is that right?" He caught the eye of the bartender and held up two fingers. The barkeep approached us.
"Does she have ID?" He asked Cardan.
"You can ask her yourself." I started.
"You can serve her." Cardan's voice was heavy with glamour, seductive and rough. The barkeep nodded and brought us two rusty brown drinks. I took a sip and recoiled, having grown used to Heather's sweet and fruity beverages. This lingered in the back of my throat, clawing and hot. Cardan laughed. "You never were a good drinker."
"You've always been too good." I retorted. He finally turned to face me, his dark eyes gazing into my chestnut brown ones.
"You're ghastly. You know that?" He grinned.
"God I hate you." I was the first to turn away.
"I love it when you say that." I felt the heat rising in my cheeks, boiling my blood.
"Who the hell do you think you are?" I snapped. "Don't give me that 'I'm the King' horseshit, because I put you there. How dare you show up here! I'm moving on, I have a life here!" Most of that last bit were obvious lies. I hadn't moved on, not even a little bit. And I clearly didn't have a life in the mortal world.
Cardan took a moment to consider what I had said, chewing on his drink as he did. "I have visited you. Many nights, I have watched you. Some life you're living here. Living in that box, in your own squalor, tossing a turning at night, dreaming of me no doubt. Some life without me."
"You cast me out! I had nothing!" I spat.
"You had your supposed hate for me keeping you warm, my darling Jude." He smirked, his curly hair flopping into his eyes. "And it seems you had one hell of a punch to keep you safe. But I ask you this, why didn't you try to return? Why didn't you come home to me?"
He placed his hand on my thigh, too close to the hem of my dress, and slowly started moving it up. I plastered my face with a smear of disgust and whacked with hand away.
"Excuse me, I must use the facilities." I said, already regretting it.
"So human, my sweet villain."
***
After staring at my seething reflection in a cracked bathroom mirror, I returned to my seat at the bar. Cardan had obviously been nursing his drink in my presence and my absence had encouraged him to enjoy it at a quicker pace. It seemed that he had helped himself to some of mine as well. I slid in next to him and looked intently at his features, wondering what his eyes, ears and tail looked like to the people he glamoured. Did he make his eyes appear brown, blue or green? Did he keep some kind of point to his ears? It was something I never had time to consider before.
"Would you stop looking at me?" Cardan asked, startling me out of my daze.
"No you aren't. You've missed me."
"Missed you? Please. I've hardly thought of you." I lied. "Cardan, tell me. What are you doing here?"
"I've come to bring you home. Back to Elfhame, to the palace with me. You're miserable here and you belong to- with me." The bartender called for last orders. "I could make him let us stay, you know?"
"Leave him alone. He's already been glamoured once tonight, it's not fair." I sighed.
"Where was that compassion when you killed my brother?"
"Cardan I-" I was taken aback by this. Cardan had not shown any real disturbance at the time of his brothers demise. Of course I could blame that on the effects of the poison but I thought he hated Balekin.
"Perhaps I should take you home?" He said, almost sadly.
"No!" I said, before I had considered what that would mean. "Maybe you could ask him for one more drink?"
Cardan's devilish eyes met mine as he smirked. He beckoned the barkeep over and told him in that sweet and sour voice that we would be staying until we felt like leaving, setting our night in motion.
"See, I knew you were missing me." I laughed, slopping some of my drink across the bar. Everybody else had been asked to leave, but Cardan had glamoured the bartender to allow us to stay and to continue bringing us drinks.
"I've missed having someone tell me what to do." He grinned and looked away. "It's not been easy without you, having to make all these choices by myself. I'd rather have my senechal -"
"-Your Queen." I interjected.
"Yes of course, I'd rather have my Queen beside me." He took a long sip of his drink.
I sighed and followed suit. "Well, whose fault is that?"
"Mine, as so many things were when we were together." He moved his hand back to my leg. "Remember that time behind the throne room?"
I swatted at his hand again but he persisted. "The only time, Cardan. That was the only time that happened." I tired to conceal it, but a nervous shiver ran through my body. "And I would very much like to forget it. It was... embarrassing."
He shook his head and looked at me, deep and intently. "For you, maybe." His fingers traced little spirals against my goose-bumped flesh. "For me it was an entirely different story."
"Tell me your version then." I pressed.
"I was furious. At you mostly. To suggest I seduce Nicassia? She wasn't the one I wanted, Jude." I felt my cheeks flush. "I yearned to feel you beneath me. I wanted to feel your mortal skin on mine. I think you wanted it too, I remember the way you moved against me. I was born into magic, my dear Jude, I always thought I knew what it felt like but... something about you in that moment... I hadn't really felt it until then."
The knowledge that he could only speak the truth chilled me to my core. I tried to find tricks and riddles in his words but every time I came up short. My breath caught in the back of my throat and I tried to pull away but his grip on me wouldn't allow it. "You're drunk, Cardan."
"And yet I feel sober as a monk. That feeling it lingers. Every time I touch you, I am scorned to know that Locke touched you first, that I ever laid my hands on you in malice. I have wanted you since I have known you and although I have dealt with those feelings poorly in the past, it is you I want. Only you. So yes, I have missed you." This time, Cardan pushed himself away from the bar, offering out his hand. "I beg you ignore me. I have felt so much for you since you have been gone. I have longed for you Jude. I have longed for you and I will long for you until you return to our home."
My body twitched with anticipation, awaiting his next move. His vulnerability was startling and I wanted nothing more than for him to kiss me. Or kill me. The sensation was often tricky to pin down when it was brought about by Cardan. I felt myself move towards him, leaning in for the release of his lips on mine, but found that he did not meet them. "What's wrong?" I breathed.
"I do not desire your pity. I do not wish to be kissed under the duress of my broken heart. I want you to want me too." I finally took his hand and he pulled me away from the chair. He placed his free hand on my waist and swayed slowly with me.
"Last time you held me like this, you said you hated me." I rested my head against his chest, listening to the rapid beating of his immortal heart.
"Maybe I thought I did. But I know better than that now."
We swayed like that together for a while, Cardan's hand occasionally finding it's way to stroke my hair. My heart swam with so many unanswered questions, feelings I had left untouched for as long as I could. He rested his head against mine and breathed softly against my braided horns, at last he let go.
"Do you suppose we should relieve our man from his duties?" He asked, nodding towards the bartender. "I think he has served us long enough." I nodded and he left me to remove the glamour. I imagined that next time the man played the lottery, his numbers would come up or he would have a habit for finding money in the street.
When Cardan approached me again, he had a certain spring in his step and a devilish gleam in his eyes. "What is it?" I asked nervously.
"Your sister is clubbing?" He said.
"What say you, we do the same? I should like to try it before I return to Elfhame."
I pondered this for a moment, would anything in the mortal world live up to what High King Cardan was used to? Well... I suppose I did.
It seemed as though I had abandoned my moral compass altogether by the time we arrived at the next club. My head was swimming and I had trouble remembering how it was I came to be in Cardan's presence. At the time however, that didn't seem to matter, I was just glad to be with him. He glamoured the bouncer to allow us into the club, we painted ourselves with UV paint and decked out our bodies with glow-sticks. Cardan took one look at me and began to howl, his laughter seemed to reverberate through the speakers, which sent me into a crumbling mess of giggles. I found myself feeling freer with him than I ever had done with anyone else. I took two glow-sticks from my wrists and dangled them over his pointed ears.
Further into the club I noticed podiums, with half naked girls dancing against glimmering poles. It didn't shock me to find Cardan practically licking the stage. I pulled him away and found a booth, the lights were dimmer but the music seemed louder. The seats were sticky with what I hoped was nothing more than a spilled drink, but my conscience told me otherwise. I looked at Cardan, whose eyes were alight with intrigue. He leaned in to me, his lips against my ear and whispered, "I thought such debauchery was of Faerie, not of the mortal realm."
"You'd be surprised what we get up to!" I laughed. He didn't move away and neither did I. His lips trailed against my skin, hot and wet. His hand founds its way back to my thigh and, against my better judgement, I allowed him to slide his hand further up.
"I changed my mind," He hissed. "I don't care if you pity me, Jude Duarte. Because I pity you more." He turned my face to his and kissed me, forcefully. In my drunken stupor I didn't feel like pulling away, instead I insisted that he stayed by thrusting my hands in his hair. His hands explored my body, making me ache for him. His fingers clasped around my throat, instinctively I tried to pull away but when I eyes met his I saw... what was it? Not hate... no not exactly. It was something new. When I started to panic and pulled back, he looked at me hurt as if I had my hand around his throat.
"I want to dance!" I lied over the music. He nodded and followed me into the crowd.
Surrounded by jostling, sweaty bodies his hands found my waist. I turn away and danced against him, at first he seemed to recoil- unsettled by the intimacy, perhaps too used to the way we moved in Elfhame, but after a moment he settled into it and moved with me. He gripped my waist tightly, as if I was his only life jacket in this strange mortal sea. I turned to face him, to see his big black eyes staring down at me. I cocked my head to one side. He leaned down, so close that his lips brush my ear as he spoke, "You should come home." I dragged myself away and stared at him, face on. His liquid irises hardened. Slowly and methodically he said; "You. Should. Come. Back. Home"
In a second my mind reeled. What? He sent me away? He didn't want me? He confessed that he missed me but didn't want to kiss me? Then he's all over me?
Before I knew what I was doing I turned and fled, pushing my way through sweaty, sticky bodies. I had grown weary of his faerie mind games, his trickery had grown tiresome. Of course I had longed to return to Elfhame, to find a riddle in his banishment but how could I ever go home? With the threat of execution or worse hanging over my every step. No. I refused to believe there was any way to escape my plight. Before I knew it I was a block away, panting alone on a street I didn't recognise. My ears rang and from the distance I heard to rhythmic thumping of club music. I looked left and right, but couldn't quite remember the way I had come from... or the way home.
I fumbled in my purse, searching for my phone. I could call a taxi or Vivi or Heather, anyone to take me home. I fought back the tears that stung behind my eyes. Cardan Greenbriar had always been an enigma but this... oh this was worse than anything he'd ever done before.
"Jude!" His voice echoed through the empty streets, it's direction untraceable. "Jude! What did I do? Please, Jude!" He rounded the corner nearest to me.
Startled as he saw me, he rushed over. I raised my hand and swung it towards his face, instead of hearing a sharp slap against his skin, my wrist was caught in his long, slender fingers.
"If you strike me again tonight, I will lose it." He breathed. "Why won't you come home. I know you're smart enough to have figured it out. So what is it Jude Duarte? Is it that you truly hate me as much as you always said? If it is so, then I beg you tell me mortal lies and let me believe you love me."
I clawed my hand away from him, I couldn't bare to look at him. A wounded little boy, abandoned and turned wicked, but wounded nonetheless. His deep black eyes were a golden blaze in the street light, I finally met his gaze. He was hurt and lonely and still so wicked and he could have had me killed or left me to rot in the mortal world and yet I wanted to hold him.
"Why did-" He cut me off with a long, gentle kiss. I tasted no malice on his tongue, his lips were as sweet as the faerie fruit I so desired.
"Please say you love me." He whispered as he pulled away.
Our foreheads resting against one another, I closed my eyes right away from his words. Truth. It was all he could speak. As desperate as I was to find treachery in his words, I could decipher none.
"Cardan, I-" I began.
"You need not speak now, Jude. You should tell me if you should ever return to our home." He whispered. "If you wish for me to leave you, you need only say once and I'll leave you alone."
I hate him. Except I don't. I only want to keep hating him, I know that now. "Stay with me." My voice, soft and timid, was entirely foreign to me. "Don't leave me again."
He took my hand in his and brought it up to his lips. His hands were soft against my calloused fingers. "Take me home with you."
The apartment was silent, undisturbed since we left several hours before. I flipped the switch and illuminated the open living space, socks and bras and unwashed jeans lay over the couch and coffee table. "I'm sorry about the mess. I wasn't expecting to bring anyone back here tonight." I said, feeling my cheeks glow crimson red as I gathered up the dirty laundry. "We don't have maids or servants, it's hard to keep on top of."
I turned to see Cardan, leaning against the washing machine, a smirk dancing on his lips. I glared at him and he laughed a short, curt laugh. "You are so very mortal, Jude. Has anybody ever told you that?" I scowled and he laughed a little harder. "I like watching you do things... normal things to you. I think tonight is the first time I've seen you without a blade."
This made me laugh. Without saying a word, I hitched my skirt up slightly to show him the small silver dagger I had strapped to my thigh. "I'm surprised you didn't feel it."
Cardan moved towards me slowly, I cocked my head to one side trying to work out his next move. His eyes narrowed as he examined my body. Phlegmatically, he lowered himself down to his knees before me as his hands crept up across the back of my dress. He leaned in and kissed my thigh, just above the hilt of the blade. His fingers trailed along my skin, before gently slipping the strap down my leg. He continued kissing my leg as he reached up my dress. With the same methodical movements he pulled down my underwear. My cheeks ran hot as the rest of my body shivered with anticipation. Cardan stood, towering over me. His black eyes were hungry, I looked up at him like a doe in the line of an arrow. He tipped his head towards the sofa, and obediently I went and sat down. The High King placed his fingers softly under my chin, tilting my head to look at him.
"Open your legs for me." His voice was low and gruff and I obliged. "Good girl. Now tell me, did Locke do to you what I am going to do to you?"
I shook my head and he smirked. I had always hated when he did that, but then in that moment I felt something with in me begin to boil. Passionate heat coursing through my blood in a way it had done only once before... the annex behind the throne. Cardan seemed to notice my squirming as he traced his keen fingers along my jawline. His hand lingered for a moment too long and I felt myself sink my cheek into his cupped hand.
In one swift motion Cardan was on top of me, pinning me against the couch. His cool breath tickled my neck, sending an icy shiver through me, as he expertly unzipped my dress and slid it from me leaving me naked and vulnerable to his next move. My fingers shook as I unbuttoned his shirt, fumbling with the intricate clasps.
When finally I rid him of his clothes I allowed my hands to wander across his back. He flinched away as my fingers ran over the crest of a particularly raised, long scar. "Memories from a lifetime ago, my love." He whispered through gritted teeth. He inched closer, his knee pressing up against me. I let out a soft moan as a chill sprang up through my back, I wanted him more than I could scream. I wanted to push him off me and pull him into me in the same instant. Before I could form a full thought his head had migrated away from mine and had found it's way between my legs as he breathed a soft, cool gasp. His long fingers wrapped around my thighs and squeezed, his nails pinching at my flesh. I took a sharp breath as Cardan's tongue grazed my skin and laced my hands through the tangle of his dark hair.
"Cardan.." I whispered breathlessly. "Cardan please..." He pressed his tongue harder and faster as I squirmed beneath his weight, pulling at his hair. I felt my eyes begin to roll as I climaxed, I arched my back and curled up my toes, it overtook me in tides of pleasure. As he sat up and wiped his mouth, by body tingled and my legs were weak but I could feel only one thing. I was horrified. How had I allowed this to happen?
"I'm sorry." He whispered. "This is only going to make things ever more complicated."
I stared at him, aghast. "Yeah, no shit." I grabbed a cushion from the back of the couch and threw it over my body .
"I'll ask you this only once, did you figure it out?" His voice was soft. "Did you see through my trickery and stay away only to make me suffer?"
"Your trickery? What are you talking about?" I asked, my voice shaking. I had grown tired of his mind games, it seemed to me that the whole evening he had been leading me to some proverbial cliff only to keep threatening to push me over the edge.
"Jude you are the High Queen of Elfhame. The High Queen. You are the crown." For a moment his words meant nothing to me. I knew I was the High Queen, of course I knew. But the crown? What did the crown have to do with anything. Until it dawned on me. "The mortal queen of Faerie who is oh so clever, my dear Jude. Pardon yourself. Better yet, I'll pardon you. Come home and be my wife, come home and be beautiful by my side." I could have strangled him.
I stayed silent for a while, allowing his revelation to wash over me. "Make me forget." I whispered. "A gease. Or a glamour... I know you can do it. Make me forget tonight so I can go back to hating you."
"I command you to make me forget." I had lost track of how long I had left controlling Cardan and just hoped with everything in me that he would follow through. "You will make Vivi swear to never tell me.
"Your deal with my brother, Jude-"
"You are High King Cardan of the Isles of Elfhame, do you mean to tell me a deal with a dead man is enough to sway your power? I have commanded you Cardan and you will do as I say."
Cardan nodded slowly and looked away from me. "Can I at least stay with you until morning?"
I climbed into bed closely followed by Cardan. He wrapped his arms around my waist and scooted his body into mine. His breath was hot against my neck as his chest rose and fell.
"I'm going to figure it out. Your little trick." I whispered. "I'm going to figure it out for myself. My word isn't worth much but I'll give it to you."
"Your word means everything to me."
The sun streamed through my windows, sending shocks of pain through my head. I grabbed the pillow next to me and smashed it over my face, trying to block out the light. I breathed through the pillow, breathing in a nostalgic scent I couldn't quite put my finger on. I heard Vivi bustling around the kitchen through my walls. I heard the hushing of words and the slamming of a door.
My body groaned as I pushed myself up and I vowed to never drink again. I crept out of my room to see Heather in a slight daze on the couch and Vivi brewing coffee in the kitchen. She turned to look at me, seeming almost shocked that I was awake.
"Look who it is!" She said, sarcastically. "How's the head?"
"Not great, Viv. Not great." I chuckled softly. "What happened last night?"
Vivi took a moment, pouring out three black coffees before turning back to meet my gaze. "So you don't remember, huh?" I shook my head, of course I didn't remember. Why else would I have asked. "We lost you in a club, we looked for you but we couldn't find you. Then when we got back home you were asleep in bed."
"I don't like this... not remembering I mean..." I muttered, taking a sip of my coffee. " Surely I can't have had that much to drink?"
"Like I said, we lost you. We didn't see what happened after that." It struck me that Vivi was choosing her words very carefully, as if there was something she wasn't telling me. I turned my attention to Heather, who seemed just as confused as I was.
"Heather. Do you remember what happened last night?" I pressed. "Anything you can tell me about what I was doing?" Her head snapped towards me as if she only just realised I was in the room with her.
"I don't... I don't remember." She whispered. I crept further into the room as Vivi's cat eyes bored into me. "Why can't I remember?" The room reeked of residual magick, clinging to the air around Heather. I narrowed my eyes towards Vivi.
"What aren't you telling me?" I demanded.
"I can't tell you anymore. I didn't see what happened. You don't want to know." It sounded as though she was begging, begging for a way out of this conversation. "I can't tell you anymore." I looked around the room, searching for clues as to what had happened. Yes, something magickal had happen. That much was obvious. Thanks to my gease with the late Dain, I couldn't be glamoured but it was awfully convenient that neither Heather or myself could remember a thing. I was struck with a deep feeling of betrayal, I knew that Heather's words were being cleverly strung together in order to deceive me without outright lying to me. It dawned on me all at once.
"Who did you make your oath to?" The question seemed to take her by surprise, the shock clear in her flushed cheeks.
"The oath. Who did you swear to?"
I nodded slowly and backed away, trying desperately not to let the anguish show on my face. Heather still seemed dazed, obviously recovering from a glamour of some kind. Possibly binding her to the same secrecy my sister was obliged to. I returned to my room, shaking with rage. How could she swear to keep last night from me? How could she double-cross me like that? It made no sense, it wasn't in her character. I tried to breathe through my fury, to not let it consume me, I found myself laying back on my bed breathing in that distant memory, a smell that reminded me so much of home.
A long time passed that way, until I heard a knock at my door. "What?" I demanded. The door swung open to reveal Vivi, standing solemn in the opening.
"I didn't want to swear. I had no choice." She said.
"We always have choices." I retorted.
"Not this time." She lingered there, waiting for me to say something. I rolled over, not wanting to look at her for fear of saying something irreparable. "They said it was what you wanted, that you'll figure it out in your own time. We won't be bound any further from that point. I just hope you can forgive me."
I thought about it for a long moment. "I'm mad." I whispered, realising immediately how childish and immature I sounded.
"I wouldn't have done it if I didn't think it was in your best interest." She slapped her hand against the wood of my doorframe. "Heather asked if she can have her dress back, she really likes that one."
I sat up reluctantly, and hopped off my bed. I searched the floor and in my wardrobe but came up empty. I got down on my hands and knees to check under my bed but still, I could not find it. "That's weird..."
I kiss Cardan softly before climbing out of bed, my nightgown trailing on the floor behind me. I glance over my shoulder at him, sleeping soundly and looking as painfully handsome as ever. He hates how early I rise each day, wishing me to stay curled up next to him for as long as possible. But if he had it his way, Faerie would be left to fend for itself and we would descend into anarchy.
I sink my feet into the plush, luxurious rug woven by Mother Marrow; it supposedly had a plethora of magickal qualities but Cardan decided it was too delectable to refuse, and make my over to the dressing room. I sigh as I begin rifling through the abundance of regal clothing, searching for something simple. The Court of Shadows requires no façade of grace.
I hear Cardan stir behind me, turning to look at him I see he is grasping at the sheets trying to feel me out. I snort and stifle a laugh, looking at the ground. My hands continue to trace along the garments until I feel something entirely foreign. Cold and plastic, bright red in colour. I take the dress from it's place and hold it against my body. It's tiny, shiny and definitely not from Elfhame.
"Oh my god." I shout. Cardan sits bolt upright, brandishing a dagger he must've found under my pillow.
"Jude!" His voice is panicky. "Jude what's going on?"
I turn to him, holding the dress at arms length. "What the fuck is this doing here?"
"I will tell you everything... but you have to promise not to kill me... and maybe put the dress on?"
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