I might misremember but was it you that at some point had a cat that threw knives at people? Just exactly how does a cat manage the art of knife-throwing with their paws?
Sigh. Yes, that was me, and that is Sergei. He’s got the color of a Russian blue but definitely is not one. Nevertheless, the rescue named him Prince Sergei because he is a haughty, imperious little bastard.
I should have known he was gonna be trouble when I brought him into the vet to ask about his eye—he was born with only one, but still has the eyelids and everything on other side—and the vet uttered the phrase “Whoa! I’ve never seen THAT before.” (Most animals born with one eye have microphthalmia, an undersized or underdeveloped eye. Sergei does not. There is no eye there at all, just a socket full of—well—meat. This gives him a particularly diabolical red glare.)
He is also very, very smart. Smart cats are dangerous. I walked into the bathroom one day, saw him on the toilet, reflexively said “Oh, excuse me,” and hastily retreated. Only to realize that the cat had taught himself to use the toilet. Fortunately he does not flush, but he will bully any human in the vicinity to flush for him, because if he needs to go again, you cannot expect him to go in a dirty toilet, like a peasant!
Like most cats, the sight of a thing on top of another thing fills him with unbridled rage. Particularly if he wants attention—if, say, his toilet needs flushing—he will begin knocking everything on the kitchen counter off onto the floor.
“Fine!” we replied, and removed all the various spoonrests, bowls, etc from the counter. “I guess nobody gets to use the counter now!”
But we also have a magnetic knife rack. Sergei discovered that with sufficient pressure and sufficient stealth, he could swat a knife off the rack, toward the feet of any human who was digging through the pantry instead of attending to Sergei’s emotional needs. Our buddy Shepherd was staying with us during the pandemic and nearly had his toes filleted on several occasions.
If he were human, this would be a horrible dysfunctional relationship, but since he is a cat, we forgive him everything because he likes to cling to people like a small malevolent tree sloth and to be the little spoon at night.
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