Artemis Nightshade

i am a big believer in the “addek was meant to have a sad baby backstory” theory bc there is just so much stuff in the early seasons that could be interpreted as foreshadowing or implying things. i think shonda even said she wanted to do one but decided against it. personally, i think they didn’t end up doing it because it would have made addison too sympathetic. not as a character in general because they were never really trying to make her an outright villain, but in the breakdown of their marriage. because “husband is absent, wife cheats with best friend, husband runs away” = husband is kind of a jerk but ultimately the wife fucked up majorly and it’s mostly her fault. but “husband and wife lose baby, husband distanced himself when wife needed him, so she cheats on him and he runs away”= much much more complicated. derek couldn’t be meredith’s prince charming/mcdreamy if he was the guy who essentially left his wife after losing a baby.

the more i think about how desperate and lonely addison must’ve had to be to do what she did to derek, the more i feel like he didn’t take nearly enough responsibility for the end of their marriage. like, i’m absolutely not trying to excuse what addison and mark did. it was fucked up and cruel. but, especially after we get to know them both as characters (and realize that although they have their moments they aren’t exactly cruel callous people by nature), i’m like, how bleak did the state of that marriage have to be for them to both even consider it? especially factoring in the depth of marks history with derek. idk i think in some twisted way derek was relieved to have an out and not be the bad guy. and he had like one episode where he acknowledged his absence in new york but then five seconds later he had meredith’s panties in his pocket (barely apologized for that either)

been thinking a lot about the intimacy that comes with long-term relationships. the ways that two people can grow together and grow into each other but also the ways they can grow apart and not know until it's too late. anyway this is a long way of saying i'm thinking about addek again

i can't even imagine what addison went through still loving him all those years after the divorce. he gets shot in the chest and she hears about it and fears for his life. he goes down in a famous plane crash and she doesn't know if he's dead or alive for days. every time she thinks he's going to die he doesn't, until he dies from a preventable brain injury caused by a perfectly normal car crash.