American Bitch

that was like watching someone very skillfully assembling a stained-glass window just to watch someone else dropkick it

personally I think an underutilized ship dynamic is "this is so ill-advised that we are both aware on some level that it cannot possibly end in anything but a breakup so acrimonious that we'll spend the rest of our lives hunting each other for sport, but we have decided to keep making out with each other anyway."

stop asking lesbians who is the man and who is the woman and start asking who pierces her chest and who does a lobotomy on her own brain

tumblr finally getting its shit together and improving the user experience right around the time when all the other social media sites are collapsing due to greed and hubris is like the kids who got out of their small town to move to the big city finding love and settling down in their 30s just in time to watch their high school bullies get divorced

met a women today and she was like “i’m mrs smith, soon to be mrs johnstone” and I was like “aww, that’s lovely! are ye gettin’ married?” and without blinking she hit back with “nah i’m divorcing the cunt” a legend tbh

I like wwdits because it feels like I’m watching a live action version of a slow burn idiots to lovers fanfic I found on ao3 at 3am

dating another person who's been thru shit is like 'I love you I'm going to maul your parents I love you'

my favourite thing about writing is slipping in totally innocent lines that will absolutely DESTROY the reader on a second readthrough

Gonna need 3-5 business days to recover from Guillermo holding a little toddler in his arms while bickering with Nandor.

if i were on survivor i’d kill myself in front of jeff probst just to ruin the whole vibe. outwit outplay outlast that

every time. every time I say I can’t stand tomatoes someone emerges from the mist to offer me an heirloom cherry tomato from their garden. “It’s good. It’s sweet. You’ll like it,” they wail and wail. my attempts to deflect them with no thank yous and jokes about them being close relatives of deadly nightshade to no avail. they continue to attempt o force the round orbs upon me. I give in to their plea and take a bite. “It’s ok I guess,” I whimper as my eyes water and I struggle not to gag on the sour, mushy, hell fruit.

Try a heirloom cherry tomato from my garden. It’s good and sweet and you’ll like it

no no no no no

thinking about the parallels between harrow and orpheus like. you have to turn away from your love in order to keep her. if you look at her she dies, again. you are undone without her so you wade into hell for her, ready to give up anything and everything. she wants you to look at her; she needs to know that you can’t help it, and she needs you to see that she’ll follow you anywhere. you’re nothing without her. she’s gone. she’s gone. she’s gone.