˙ ͜>˙

fucking the text man for texts one of society's most influential works

the thing is they really do let you hit because you're goofy.

i say shit like "whuh oh!" and it makes girls want to kiss me under moonlight for some reason

kitten fever is worse than baby fever because a kitten is way easier to obtain than a baby so it's more dangerous

you cant obtain me. tiger stance

before we go inside i have something i need to tell you. dont try to lie inside my house. i know its an annoying rule but i need you to promise to take it seriously. there are truth shrews in the walls and if you fib even a little bit they will chew through the electricals in retaliation and its fucking expensive to replace. metaphors are okay but i need you to swear that everything you say from the moment you set through that door will have an essential sincerity to it or the shrews will fuck me over. call an exterminator? no can do, truth shrews are a protected species in this neck of the woods. plus i introduced them myself. to take care of the deceit spiders, you see

doc, my advice fetish is taking over my life, i just dont know what to do.......... (lecherous look appears in my eye)

I really hated this girl in my class and we kept exchanging notes with various threats of violence on them but then on a Zoom call I saw that she kept a bunch of them pinned on her wall with little hearts around them and I got the biggest crush on her after that.

Not again. Reread OPs name

no shut up let me believe please i need this