| decadence |

Relevant magazine  (via laurenarlene)

At 28, this is so accurate.

elisabeth hewer

You think back to why certain things didn’t work out. You think about why you had to let certain people go.

You remember the one you were closest to. His father tells him not to get married until after he’s forty, and you tell him, “we’re young, but we’re not that young. And we’re not that dumb.”

You remember the one where you went skiing with him and his mother. You felt like a doofus, and she told you that if you didn’t cheer up, she’d smack you.

The one who had an unsettling, animalistic protectiveness over you. 

The one who was suspicious of your friends. 

The one who thought it was strange and desperate when your sister started online dating at age 27. Your sister, who’s now happy and engaged to the love of her life. 

The one who your parents thought was rude. 

The one who was a little too feminine for your taste, and you couldn’t get it out of your head. 

The one who blacked out and drunkenly humiliated you in front of everyone you love. 

You remember the one who was perfectly nice. The one with a good job and a goofy sense of humor. The one who understood you completely, who you just weren’t in love with.

And then you remember that tweet from Lena Dunham where she says something about needing a ‘99′ emoji, because she’s never really 100% sure about anything. 

Credit to @someoneloved (since I can’t reply and all) 👌🏻 (via lissieamy)

This. Which also reminds me of “failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.” Words I literally think of daily and that immediately calm me down.

(There was a follow up message that said: “Oh I am sorry, to clarify, I am a 26 year old woman currently in graduate school, if that is helpful to you. Would really appreciate any insight, since you seem very grounded and I respect your opinions.”)

OK, So:

When my father was gravely injured in Vietnam and was shipped to Germany to recover, my mother went to see him. She didn’t speak German and had no idea what she was doing and was afraid. This is my mom that is extremely bright, but also very shy and has trouble trying new things. But there was no email, and fuck college and fuck everyone telling her not to go, she went. For his part, my dad had written letters that were gleeful while going 4 days without sleep, while jungle rot ate his skin off and bullets flew past his 19 year old head in the jungle. He just wanted to keep her happy so she would never leave him. THAT’S HOW IT’S DONE. 

When I was dating my previous bf, he lived 3.5 hours away and worked an exhausting and physically demanding construction job. I told him that I didn’t think a long distance relationship would make sense, given that. Instead, he drove to NYC several times per week after work and would wake up at 3 or 4 am to drive back to work (I wasn’t a jerk, I also took the train there A LOT). Sure, we broke up many years later, but he loved me a lot and I loved him a lot. That’s how you do it when you mean it. 

when I met J, he had broken his foot, but was afraid I would think he was being flaky if he canceled on our first official date. So he walked for an entire night around Brooklyn on a broken foot without saying a peep.The next day he texted me that he had to get a “quick x-ray”. Then “oops foot broken”. Would I have understood? Obviously I would have, I am a bitch but not a menace to people’s personal health. But he was invested and he wanted to send a clear message that he was. 

My sister has been married four times. She knows things. When she met her current husband through online dating, she decided to be less people-pleasing and more honest about what she wanted and needed. she was nervous to meet but needed a lot of reassurance in the meantime. he spent three months constantly communicating with her (several times a day), although we found out a year later he is a technophobe and hates the phone and computers. Did he like it? No. He hated it. But he liked her a hell of a lot more than he hated the computer and phone. Bruh sucked it up. Now she is married to a very awesome skater dude who loves her kids and makes her ice cream cakes. 

My last favorite story is of the neurosurgeon I interned with. He was desperately into a woman he had met at a conference, and they had been sending a flurry of texts back and forth for several days. He sent a text asking her to see him when he would be in her city the next week, and confessed that he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. Then he was called into emergency surgery. The thing about brain surgery is: it can last up to 24 hours. It is intense and exhausting and you cannot stop to grab your (then) blackberry and text. SO HE PAID ONE OF THE MAINTENANCE STAFF buddies he had made $25 per hour to stand there in the observance room with the phone, waiting for her to respond, so that he would not seem disinterested by not answering for many hours. When she finally texted back that she would love to meet up, everyone cheered as he dictated the text back saying “my main man is texting this for me, I am in surgery but didn’t want to wait”. Imagine getting that text? The brain got fixed and the woman was not left hanging, because he did not want to miss his chance. That’s how someone should feel about you, they don’t want to miss any chance they could have with you. If they’re not excited like that, what are they then?

my point is: No one that really likes you is too busy to see you or talk to you. In relationships, you can toy around, it’s fine. You don’t have to be dead serious into one another. But if that is what you want, and you have made it clear, my only advice specifically about straight men is: they are either in, or they are fucking out. Get in the damn car, or wait for the bus buddy. Those are the two possibilities. Either they are going to walk on a broken foot and fly to Germany, or they are “busy” doing god only knows, but it certainly shouldn’t be as exciting or as important as you. 

If you haven’t made yourself clear, why not? Sure it is scary, but telling someone what you need erases a lot of guesswork, wondering and time wasting.

And if you feel that you deserve to be a back burner item, and that someone else’s everyday busy-ness could trump you, I suggest you start listening to more Nicki Minaj, meditating, drawing, writing out your thoughts, and getting to know yourself more… and talking to these dudes less for a while. It worked for me and it taught me important lessons about what I need to live and be happy. 

-feel beautiful in only t-shirts and no makeup and a top bun

-act confident all the time

-respond to catcalls with a ‘fuck you’ and a middle finger when you’re actually quite scared

-feel great about your body at the moment

-forgive

-pretend not to be jealous

-get over your ex as fast as people tell you to

-love your job

-know where you’re going

-wear lipstick

-have perfect eyebrows

-100% know or define or explain your sexuality

-be a feminist and immediately become the perfect example of a feminist (because you are still learning, and you are the kind of person who will learn from your mistakes)

-stay quiet

-always be loud

-talk about it

-explain why you said ‘no’

-explain yourself

-do something that isn’t required of you when you just can’t or don’t want to

-keep people in your life that don’t need to be there

-be tough&perfect&strong all the time

-do anything but try, fail, succeed, live, learn, be a little better, repeat

New piece, hope you like it! xo Lang 

…………….

“How to stop loving someone who does not love you.” /// r.i.d (via inkskinned)

I’m crying so hard because I’ve never needed to read something as badly as I needed to read this.

(via astonishingly)

Damn

(via lindeliz)

This probably means a lot in the aftermath of a break up. But God, it is as refreshing as a summertime lemonade when you’ve read it at the height of being okay.