Long live the Wild and the Brave.

it’s been a rough past year. the second year of residency at least for me has been the absolute toughest. in between being sleep deprived from all those 12-14 weeks of night floats and the steepest learning curve it’s easy to lose your shit.

i’ve lost it once or twice-- really good too, serious crying red eyes looking like a monster post-call. both were relatively petty, nothing that involved patient care. more just nurses having bad days and reaming your ass for no good reason (ok listen i love my nurses, my mother is one helloo but there are just some people who are miserable at baseline, outright rude to anyone resident, attending for no reason it just happens and as a professional i try to maintain my composure until well your attending catches you ballin’ your eyes out bc you had no idea what you did wrong and they won’t talk to you about what they wanted and instead treat you like crap).

ok back to what i was saying, residency isn’t easy and it sure isn’t for everyone. i don’t think many will want to endure so much school first of all, and the 500K loans that are growing interest. plus those who decide not to are smart lol. the toughest part of being in pediatrics is when the kids don’t do well. bc see, this doesn’t happen often. kids aren’t suppose to die. so when they do it still hits me so fucking hard.

one of my cancer kids passed away last night. i became involved when we first found out she had relapsed. basically she beat cancer at 5 yo then died at 14 yo. that’s fucking bullshit. this same tragic day i also found out that another 7 yo pt i helped take care of isnt’ doing well her leukemia relapsed too see? oh and my 3 yo also relapsed with poor prognosis. (* i changed the ages by adding one or two to just nix the hippa shenanigans)