curiosity, my favourite murderer.

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@miss-nielle
curiosity, my favourite murderer.

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(does a lamb know it was bred for slaughter? when it finds out, does resentment course through its veins? father does it hope to be of use again does it hope for a better life or does it just wait to die)
inside my soul are the ghosts of abraham and isaac and they are playing out that story, only there’s no ram and no messenger and no god to say “stop, you have proven yourself faithful”. inside my soul is genesis chapter twenty-two verses one to thirteen, only it is just me perpetually offering myself, binding myself, raising the knife and obeying.
i am the sacrifice you raised me to be. i swallow the resentment and let it rust and deteriorate where i think no one can see. i am giving. i am still trying. is that not perfect?
no. my mother and i are sitting in the dark and she is crying and telling me she has failed me. i am twenty-one (xxi) with rage and venom and blood under my nails and she is apologizing for my childhood with closed eyes and her head bowed like she’s confessing in church instead of talking in my room.
for a prayer she says “i’m sorry. i see you, i know you’re struggling. i’m sorry it was all put on your shoulders” and for amen she says “i want you to be happy now, too”.
be happy now, too.
lord what is happiness? is it not to slice my chest and bleed into the soil for their grain lord is it not to eat the rind so there’s enough fruit for the rest lord if that was not right why was i made for this. why have i grown like this why am i me?
my mother says “my love, live for yourself. you deserve to be free.” but god hear me have i proven myself faithful? worthy? perfectly useful?
mother, forgive me. forgive me.
all i know is this cross.
all i know is to live for my family.
— andi
for @nosebleedclub
What’s on your mind right now?
it’s funny, the screen / makes your skin / look more tan and mine more pale / here’s a tale— the tail-end of a conversation we shouldn’t be having online / you’re mine, i think, i don’t know if i feel it. what i feel is / my heart is / always sinking / i am thinking / every time is the last time. love’s final rhyme. our holy crime is that your favourite scent is not mine / and my mind / is hell-sent. cursed. you are vexed i am hexed with memory and remembrance my god, he danced with you. a slew of colours faded / you sang he sang, where did he kiss you that i can’t / there is a chorus of demons in my chest / i know / the best way to kill myself is to ask—
do you love him? still?
if you see a bitch on the slopes with a bad bob that is NOT kevin day. go the other way.
"Why wasn't it Drarry in the skit instead on Ronarry"
YOU GUYS DON'T GET IT!!!
AT THE BOTTOM OF THE LAKE, THE PERSON HARRY WOULD MISS THE MOST IN THE WORLD IS RON.
EVEN THOUGH HE WAS ABUSED, HE SAID THE WORST TIME IN HIS LIFE WAS WHEN HE AND RON HAD A FIGHT.
YOU CAN'T COMPARE THE DEPTH OF RONARRY TO THE SHALLOWNESS OF DRARRY.

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let's struggle to dine with mama
his fish too big for his goddamn he
I admittedly get really 🥹🥹🥹 whenever I see mama animals and baby animals (due to my issues and problems) but there's something so charming and awesome about mama animals that are just kind of bad at handling baby animals. Like what the hell girl.
*And to be clear I specifically mean that To Me as a clueless human with little animal knowledge, mama animal appears to have just shown up on the job today and is figuring out baby animal as she goes. Maybe she's doing a good job and I just can't tell.
...let's get dangled by our tail by mama... this post was an excuse to upload this photo, I'm just so enamored.
(Source, 04non_non on Twitter)
16 days to 2015 and I still think I’m in 2012
Anyone who is mad at Kevin for being sad about Riko's death but ISN'T mad at Aaron or Neil for being sad about their mom's death is missing the point actually
Anyone who is mad at Kevin for his passivity and submission but ISN'T mad at Jean for his dismissal of his desires and worth or at Andrew for his repression of his desires and hope is missing the point actually
Anyone who is mad at Kevin for saying it's easier to be straight but ISN'T mad at Andrew for believing it's easier to not want things or at Jeremy for believing it's easier to pursue Law like his family wants is missing the point actually

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au where andrew doesn't mind being touched when it's for tattoos; he's so crazy over kevin getting the queen that he gets a matching chess piece—a knight
Certain people on here should follow this line of thinking ❤️
i love how the central focus and connection for all the mains is in some way kevin but how especially in the original trilogy it was built around him, but then he was removed as like a love interest so it's got these very weird vibes of being built around him but in the removing of him from that contextualised place it gets very very weird and then the main characters are trying to prove how not in love with him they are anymore by insulting him or now putting other people ahead of him or ripping into him or choking him out of nowhere. like their approach and relationship to him sometimes changes between chapters is2g where hes so super amazing you guys and then i hate that man he is a coward and pathetic. and then also he suddenly has a gf that only comes up twice overall and only appears once at the very end of the last book bc yeah he is straight, guys, i swear.
neil had only one thing in life and it was kevin and he was jealous that kevin had andrew and also gave himself and his game to kevin and said i have you i want you and kevin took his game and took a mission to make neil's life better and keeps neil's secrets and will continue giving neil his all even if neil is not going to survive because neil deserves the thing that makes him happy and keeps him going.
and that's just??? one??? of them??? like don't get me started on andrew or jean or even riko?????
nora why did you choose to keep removing kevin from the equation and changing his relationship dynamics? why did you choose to cover the gaps in these specific ways? i'm so curious.
harrys person at the bottom of the lake was ron. guys we all moved past that too quickly. HIS PERSON IS RON. RONARRY TRUTHERS RISE!

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This is a real picture taken by photographer Keinichi Ohno. It's a single photo of a bird standing at the edge of some water with a wall and its reflection creating a fascinating optical illusion.
there is an academic text I've been trying to get my hands on, and I tracked down an ebook copy held by the national library, but due to legal restrictions it's only available for viewing on a library computer on their premises. like the only way I can read this research is to go to the national central library, book a computer desk, and scroll through it on a pc monitor for hours on end.
this digital copyright shit is so stupid, it makes me SO fucking mad. it costs nobody anything to let readers access this shit from home. it's a bunch of bits and bytes, the ebook file already exists. but publishers (and I include universities in this) are so brain rotten and craven that they will block any attempt to make information more accessible just in case there's a chance they'd miss out on one person with a really specific research interest paying them like £17 to look at a word document in a more comfortable chair.
want to get even madder? the library only has 'one copy' of this ebook. we have this infinitely reproducible data resource but only one person is allowed to go and sit in a computer lab and scroll through it at a time!!! if you want to rent access from elsewhere, that'll be £17-30 depending on the gateway site. Want to buy a copy of the book? tough shit idiot. it's a niche academic text that's out of print, it's going to cost you upward of £70.
want to become the joker? it's a book about how the printing press fueled an explosion in accessible literature during the french revolution.