♡

“German?”

“Yes, Berlin specifically.” He paused and inspected her face closely. “Russian?”

“Petersburg,” she muttered, more focused on the mosaic painted on the ceiling. It depicted a scene all too familiar in High-Renaissance pieces, biblical iconography splattered all over. What a sight to behold.

“Your English is amazing,” Ackerman said, interrupting her daydreaming.

“So is yours. Did you learn in school?”

“Yes, along with Russian.”

“How good were your lessons?” She asked in her native tongue, the syllables easily rolling off her tongue as they had done for her forefathers for centuries. 

“Good enough.”

She smiled, it had been a long while since she had conversed with someone in her own language. Forever subjected to being held back by speaking a language she was only beginning to learn. 

“Could we converse in Russian then?”

“Da.” Levi stood there with his hands in his pockets, he was amused but respectful nonetheless.

“Our agents want us to meet so we can collaborate on a piece.”

“Yes, we should hold on to this because I will be in the countryside to help my Mother for a few weeks.”

“And what shall I do in the meantime? Stay here in this god-awful city waiting for you?”

Vera’s agent placed a warning hand on her shoulder signaling for her to dial back on her tone even though she knew none of their conversation. Levi laughed a little at her antics and walked a little closer to her, he rubbed his hands together before dropping them by his side. 

It had felt like years since he was this amused, the days seemed so gray before. He wondered at that moment how he had lived in that muteness for so long now that he was confronted with something starkly different.

“London is not that bad, you’ll be fine.”

“Say that to my lungs! This city will give me cancer I swear!” 

Her noticeably dark humor that turned away many potential partners made him laugh even harder. Though she remained noticeably neutral she was shocked internally at someone who had a sense of humor. Her face cracked a smile that Levi took to heart, her reputation had preceded her of course.

The man had expected an old hag rather than a lively young woman, he almost wished it was the former as it would have been easier to leave a hag. Now he was almost considering staying in London for a few weeks and put off visiting his mother. The thought of his mother wondering where he was only to be disappointed once again put him off. He had a duty as a son to care for his mother, a duty he would fulfill.

“I do not want to abandon my mother. You’ll have to wait here. Get to know the orchestra better in the meantime.”

“I could join you?” Both were slightly startled at the impulsivity of the statement but neither expressed rejection over it. 

“Forward, are you?”

“No. Dedicated.”

The ride to the Schweinfurt consisted of approximately four train rides with a short walk intermittently after the second. Levi talked little in English and mostly in Russian which greatly comforted Vera. She enjoyed the journey, using it to review some works they could base their piece on and things to do in the area. 

“It’s mostly new tech shit there but my mother likes the area.”

“There is a Church to visit.”

“Every town in Germany has a church with a niche significance, it isn’t worthwhile.”

“Then why does this brochure mention it?”

“A tourism scam.”

Vera laughs and closes the brochure, finding more comfort in conversing with Levi than reading. The subject shifted but the attention remained the same as words effortlessly flowed between the two. This is how talking should be, he thought.

The train abruptly stopped near Rottendorf, she gasped at the jolt and lurched forward. He grasped her hand without realizing it and caressed it. The feeling of a calloused thumb over her knuckles felt foreign but nice. She blushed at his gesture and chalked it up to fear.

It took him a few more moments to realize his actions, his hand quickly withdrew.

“Sorry.”

“Why do you apologize when I never raised an issue?”

He opened his mouth a few times to retort but each answer was worse than the last. She grasped his hand again to alleviate her own worries about the train, neither complained. It was only for anxiety, to help her anxiety.

“Apologies, we are experiencing technical issues. At the next station please exit shortly with your items whilst we repair the train.”

He cursed at being so close to his mother but far enough that they could not walk. He glanced down at Vera who took to holding his hand even tighter, she was not faring better than him. 

“It won’t be too much for a taxi,” Levi muttered.

“We can split the cost.”

She moved to take some money from her purse only for him to stop her with the hand she caressed.

“What kind of person am I if I let you pay?”

“A cheap one.”

“But not a considerate one.”

“Fine then, be considerate.” Vera waved her hand off in the distance, mocking anger at that moment. He caught on quickly and smirked.

“You are a funny woman, Vera.”

“You would be the first to say that.”

They unloaded their backpacks that held all of their items for the trips and began walking to the area for taxis. Some drivers smoked outside their vehicles and leaned against their cars, a clear sign to avoid them. Vera and Levi settled on a Russian man who sat inside his car patiently reading a Turgenev novel.

“How much to Schweinfurt?” Levi asked the man in Russian. 

“I will discount for you, my friend.”

She let Levi handle the haggling for a good fare and hopped into the backseat when they reached a happy mid-point. The driver set aside his novel on the passenger seat and turned the engine on. It was an average day in Germany with fairly normal weather.

“Do you like Turgenev?” Vera asked the driver.

“He is too obscure for my liking but his writing is good.”

“Are you a Tolstoy fan then?”

“Who isn’t?” The driver gestured wildly with one of his hands but kept his eyes on the road. “To be an enthusiast of literature is to be an enthusiast of Tolstoy!”

Levi sat back silently and watched how animatedly Vera talked of Russian authors, almost like she knew them personally. Instead of referring to them as Tolstoy or Dostoevsky, it was Leo and Fyodor. He commented on it as they waited for his mother to answer the door.

“I think of all creative Russians as my brothers and sisters. You don’t do the same with Germans?”

“I’m far too critical to act as though I am on a personal level with them.” Levi knocked once more, checking his watch to see how long they were waiting in the heat. “Besides it would be weird to call Nietzche, Friedrich.”

He blushed in embarrassment as his own native accent slipped out when saying the last part. 

“Your accent is cute.”

The door opened with Kutchel standing there, curious as to who the delightful woman her son had brought with him. 

“Mother, this is Vera. I told you about her over the phone, remember?”

“You didn’t tell me she was so pretty.” Kutchel took Vera by the arm inside to the dining table where food was already set out. “Are you a composer as well, dear?”

“Yes, I work more in Vienna though.”

“Oh, do tell me about life there.”

“It’s rich with history and the people are good enough…”  Vera stumbled over her words slightly when speaking in English, she felt like a five-year-old telling her mother about her school day.  “The conservatory is far nicer than any London has.”

“I heard that!” Levi yelled from the kitchen, he came into the room balancing three glasses of water. Vera held herself back from gulping the entire glass and instead sipped politely while Kutchel asked her son a thousand questions on his travels.

“How are your new pieces coming along?” The mother knew well enough of her son’s struggle to compose as of late. His motivation dried up just as he got comfortable in finally living in something other than impoverished.

“That’s what Vera is here for, we are meant to compose together.”

“The room upstairs still has everything where you left it. I’m sure music stores in town should have anything you need too.”

“Thanks, mom.” 

Vera thought she might feel like an unwelcome outsider in that moment but it was more akin to the feeling of a silent spectator. Neither shunned nor encouraged to participate, choosing instead to delve into the food in front of her. It was a simple dish of rice and a strange gravy substance but it tasted divine.

“Do you like it?” Kutchel asked when Vera had her mouth full. The girl could only smile until she finally got the food down.

“Yes, it’s fantastic.” Her Russian accent slipped slightly out on the last word.

“Where in Russia are you from?”

“Saint Petersburg.”

“You know Levi’s father, god rest his soul, was from there.”

“Mom-” Kutchel shut him up with a wave of her hand.

“How did he find it?”

“Cold. Said that once he learned of German summers he never wanted to return.”

“Understandable though not forgivable.” They all laughed together, it was clear where Levi got his humor from.

They began the attempt to compose a singular piece the next day, each taking a seat next to one another on the piano bench situated on the far side of the room. The window in front of them shined the sun brightly onto them.

Vera’s pinky hit the ‘b’ key, it felt off to her, not the key itself but its place in this piece. She scratched the blank sheet music which up until this point only held that one note.

“It doesn’t have to be perfect, only concert audiences are going to hear.”

“You don’t plan on distributing it?”

“Why would we?”

“Isn’t that what music is for?” Levi stopped his reply when he saw the pure vulnerability in Vera’s eyes, this was not a simple spew from her mouth but from the heart. “People learn how to play, then they improve and make it their own. Keeps it fresh and lively.”

“But it's more intimate when enjoyed by a few. A singular meaning holds far more value than thousands of different ones.”

“Why did you learn how to play music? Why did you learn how to compose?”

He sat there silent for a moment, trying to drudge the earliest memory of him behind the piano.

“I was good at it and it earned my mother enough money to focus on getting an education rather than sticking to life as a sex worker.”

“You did it out of necessity, yes?” The simplification, though accurate, felt ingenuine.

“It was more than that. Playing in front of crowds made me feel as though I was more than just a poor boy from the slums of Berlin. I kept composing for more people to understand the life I lived.”

Vera heard in passing stories of a young German prodigy coming from nowhere and was soon to be heard everywhere. His pieces were an experience, a mutual friend, Hange, shared. He never published his compositions and kept them close, collecting the sheet music from musicians after each performance. Forcing each to sign a non-disclosure agreement to never share his intellectual property. 

“I was similar in my reasoning then.” She splayed her fingers on the piano, playing the part to a familiar Spanish allegro. Levi pushed one of her hands aside and began to play the piece alongside her. “The only reason to learn music is…to share it with others.”

She stopped playing abruptly and walked away from the piano to fetch a glass of water. Levi continued where she had left off, the piece flawlessly transitioning into a somber part. Granados had always been a favorite of his, though the feelings of passion Granados tried to convey always fell short of him as a boy. Now, it was different.

His fingers strummed against the keys perfectly at poco andante, the thought of her forced his fingers to play at a faster pace. He moved to play at an allegro pace, the noise from the piano strengthened in volume. The man failed to see Vera leaning against the doorframe, taking big gulps of the water in her hand.

The last note played at fortississimo caused her to jump slightly, Levi panted in exhaustion from rushing the piece. He rested his fingers on the keys but not with enough pressure to push them, energy flowed out from him.

“We should end the piece in a fortississimo,” Vera said, walking up to sketch something in the last line of the sheet. 

fff

Levi glanced over her arms, he took the paper from her hands and sketched a couple more notes out for the end. He played it on the piano and she nodded.

“Work our way backwards, then?”

--

The next few days were spent either in the composing room or the dining table where Kutchel asked them profusely about their progress. She looked to be happier when hearing of their substantial progress in finishing. 

“When you do play the piece, could I come to listen?” Kutchel asked. “I know you don’t like to publish your pieces but I want to hear this one.”

“Of course, mom. I’ll save a seat for you in one of the boxes, and invite whoever you want.” Levi ate another piece of his food, Vera was somewhat shocked by how easy he made it all sound. Compared to the conservatories where she worked, trying to get a seat for family members was nearly impossible. Maybe it was different in London. 

“It’ll be nice to see you play Vera since I assume Levi will be playing next to you?”

“Yes, I look forward to it.” Her smile was stiff, he noticed the change in her posture as well. Levi asked about it right before she headed into her bedroom.

“You seemed uncomfortable at dinner. Everything alright?”

Vera contemplated for a moment, she jutted her head into her room, and he followed dutifully behind her. It seemed barely lived in despite them being here for more than three weeks. He saw her clothes in some drawers though no toiletries were even unpacked on the vanity or the sink.

“We still haven’t talked about distribution.” She sat on the windowsill, faintly illuminated by the moonlight.

“I prefer to keep it private.”

“Music is meant to be shared. It is meant for children to clamber over and for young adults to froth at. I think we have a masterpiece on our hands. I don't want it to rot somewhere on your shelves.”

“If we keep it private, it’ll be intimate, draw in more crowds.”

“You care too much about the money and not the people.”

“That’s all music has been about for me, appeal to the most and go from there.”

“But what do you want?”

Levi took the seat next to her on the window sill, his hand fell on top of hers. His mind felt clearer than it had in years.

“I want…” Vera perked up at his drawl. “I want to keep it private.”

“I don’t want to fight you right now.”

Her thumb caressed his knuckles in slow circles like it had on the train, it was more intimate now. They were alone, only the moon was a witness to their actions. 

“Then we don’t fight.” Levi tilted her chin away from the window and to his eyes, he neared closer to her face. She subconsciously leaned in closer.

“What should we do instead?”

The calloused fingers she had seen so often playing the piano pressed against her hips and effortlessly lifted her figure onto his lap. She let out a small moan when his lips kissed against her jaw and neck, sucking at her pulse point.

“Levi,” she muttered, angling her head down to finally kiss him. It was less consuming than her past lovers and intoxicating if anything. He knew her weak points and exploited them to the full extent, she almost wished he was bad at this. It would be easier to forget him once the night finished but with the way his lips pressed against her sternum, there would be no forgetting.

“You alright, liebling ?” The German accent strengthened the growing feeling between her legs, pelvis rutting against Levi.

“Da.” Forgetting nearly all of her prior knowledge of any other language she could only compute her one objective: Levi. “Take off my shift.”

“No bra?” If his fingers against her hands were enough then his fingers grazing along her bare body was to die for. He pressed kisses along her nude body that men prior had ignored. Sex was average, this was more.

“You complaining?”

Levi shook his head and bit lightly at the skin along her neck, making sure to leave as many marks as possible. She palmed at his shirt, he discarded it on the ground shortly thereafter. Levi brought her in for another kiss, not letting it go this time. The rutting from her hips stalled as his hands gripped her hips, forcing her to stay stationary. She whined against his lips, and he smirked.

“Something wrong?”

“Hurry up and fuck me already.”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

Instead of dignifying that with a response, Vera kissed him again. She took some control, resuming her stimulation against his thigh. Her head fell against his shoulder when he lifted his leg slightly to match the pace of her hips dragging.

“Feels good, liebling? ” he cooed, biting lightly at her earlobe.

“Levi, please,” she rasped.

His hands traveled down to the bottom of her backside, he gripped the skin he could.

“Jump.”

She followed his command, deepening the kiss in the process. He easily supported her weight and laid her across the bed, using the time to admire her and shed the last of his clothing. She was left in her panties which he happily took and threw to the ground. 

“Are you good so far?”

“Very good.” Vera let her fingernails graze his shoulders, light scratch marks left behind. He groaned at the intense feeling, hand grasping at her chest. The stimulation between both of them causes them to moan.  

Levi moved his hand to her slit, inserting one of his fingers. He was the first composer she had slept with, she supposes that this is the reason his fingers reach places no man ever has. Vera cries out at the feeling. 

“You’re so tight,” he grunted, adding one more finger to her slit. He worked his way into her for the next few moments, utterly entranced by the sounds she made. When he curled his fingers she whined, and a feeling in his own body grew.

Caught off guard, he barely noticed Vera nearing the edge and eventually climaxing with a loud moan. He tried to commit all the features of her orgasmic face to his mind, to him it was the best picture in the world. Something only a select few had seen.

“Still good?” He purred.

“Hurry up!” She pleaded, wishing that he finished already and became another regrettable one nightstand. Levi did not do that, he focused on his pleasure just as much as hers. He made sure that she would never forget that night. 

“There,” he whispered, in pure bliss. Together they were connected.

He took his time to start a slow and punishing pace which inevitably pissed Vera off more who resorted to begging him. 

“Please, please, I need more, give me more!”

He relented as his own human instincts took over. The pace was faster now, he leaned down and began pressing kisses around her breasts. She pressed her nails further into his back and dragged them down, Levi groaned from the mix of pleasure and pain.

“You’ll be the death of me. Won’t you?”

“Yes!” Vera gasped, too lost in the throes of passion. When her second climax arrived it came with a newfound force that she had never experienced, it was addicting. 

“Vera, fuck!” He moaned, pushing into her one last time. She moaned at the sensation and met him there. They panted in the afterglow, struggling to find their own breath. Levi collapsed next to her and made his way into the bathroom. 

She watched as he wiped down the excess cum working its way down her legs and then himself before discarding the rag in the hamper. He sat back down on the bed, pulling her close.

“Have a thing for cleanliness, do you?”

“It’s healthy to clean.”

She missed the way he stared at her sleeping figure, in love with the sight.

--

They finished the piece shortly thereafter, choosing to take a unique approach to playing. In the beginning, it was a battle for whose notes would make it through but they each had trust in one another to play. The time is used instead to understand the weaknesses of each player and hide them expertly. 

Vera left the next week back to London to prepare the conservatory for their event. Tickets had already sold out so now it was the waiting game. She practiced the piece in the upper room she met Levi in, failing to see Hange walk in.

“How was composing with shortie?”

“He’s easy to work with.”

“First time I’ve ever heard someone say that.”

“You’d be surprised.” She put the cover over the keys and turned around to face Hange. “How’s your mother?”

“Still dead.” A beat. “So good.”

They laughed together, Hange took the seat next to Vera.

“That’s lovely to hear.”

“Can I play it?” They asked, glancing over the sheet music and putting the piano cover-up.

“I don’t see an issue, as long as you don’t share it.”

“You relented then? Let Levi’s secrecy dominate?”

“One day he’ll see my side and then we’ll publish it. For now, we can keep it private.” 

“But doesn’t that go against your own teachings?” Hange played the first few notes, already loving the tempo and key. “You always tell people that music is meant for sharing.”

“We are sharing but to a smaller audience.”

“To an elite audience. Vera, you love to play your pieces in the streets so even beggars could hear. What changed?”

To play for the rich and poor was a novel concept. Children from all classes had their pick of contemporary pieces like Mozart but access to modern pieces were limited. Composers guarded their pieces in the confines of overpriced sheet music. Vera differed somewhat, maintaining a moral high ground, by posting her pieces publically. Allowing anybody to find and play it.

“If I publish it, then I betray Levi. I don’t want to do that.”

“But to not betray him compromises your values.”

She was left silent as Hange played what was meant to be a happier part in a different manner, it sounded more depressing if anything. Vera leaned her head against Hange’s shoulder, the wool was soft against her head.

“I love him, Hange.” The piano stopped abruptly. “I don’t want to see him hurt by my actions.”

“Levi’s my friend but he is too stubborn to realize his actions are hurting others,” Hange sighed.

Vera left the conservatory and emailed her agent the music, the publishing date was set the day after opening night.

The crowd gathered at the opening night hailed from across Europe, predominantly Eastern and Central. It was comforting to be among crowds who spoke the same language as her. A hand on her shoulder signaled that it was time to head backstage. She caught sight of Kutchel in the box but was only able to wave before being ushered away.

“You ready?” Levi asked, attempting to tie his bowtie in the mirror.

“Of course.” Vera walked over and began focusing on tying his bowtie for him, failing to see the look of admiration he shot her way.  “We go out there and prove you’re not washed up and I’m nice.”

“Who would ever believe that last part?” He joked.

“You have. At least I hope.” Vera finished his bowtie and stepped away, not letting her touch linger for even a second. It would risk it all if she did. 

“You’re right and if I can believe it then so can they.”  

He grasped her hands, sensing the invisible worry in her system. She was good at hiding her anxieties but not to him, never to him. It was Levi who knew when she was mentally exhausted, who knew when she needed a break, who knew when to simply hold her. He knew it all, it frightened her slightly.

“You’re too good for me.”

“No, I’m what you need.”

A stagehand knocked on the door and they both silently followed him to the stage, reveling in the applause from the audience. She heard some hushed whispers but they quieted down when they took their seats at the piano bench.

The piece was simple enough to play with one person but they added so many intricacies when played with two that it required perfect harmony. Complete trust for the other to play their part beautifully, to know when to hit the keys, to know when to reach, and to be patient. You had to truly know the other person to play this.

“Let’s play,” he muttered, starting his hands on the keys.

“Let’s.”

Kutchel had known her son for not much of his adult life, she was a passing face in his grand mission to be the best composer out there. She learned of how he prioritized his own success over others, always focused on his own progress over any other person. She worried for him as any mother would, she worried her son was one of those egotistical musicians they wrote about in the papers.

She was terrified at the possibility of her son being a rich snob. 

The man playing on that stage, however, was a different man entirely. She saw even from her seat him waiting patiently for Vera to play at a slower speed while he stormed through his parts. They were opposites but somehow managed to blend. It might have looked chaotic, it was anything but.

Levi did not play like a rich snob, he played like a man in love. 

When it ended she anticipated Levi ending on a loud note but his last note was soft, barely audible to those in the higher seats. Vera picked up where he left off and played in the manner Levi had previously, each switching roles effortlessly. She ended harshly, as most loves do.

The crowd roared with applause, it faded into the background. Levi’s hand on the small of her back guided her to the front of the stage. Flowers were thrown, shouts of appreciation. This is what she dreamed of. 

Levi bowed first like he had in practice, then she followed. What they had not planned was bowing together which he promptly forced her into. He brought her near after they bowed as most piano partners would.

“I love you.”

Vera recoiled at the suddenness, glancing at the crowd who stared at both of them.

“Not here.”

She left the stage with Levi in tow to the backroom, he pushed the door closed.

“You don’t feel the same?”

“Levi, I do.”

“Then say it.” He took a step closer. “Say it back to me.”

“I-” Vera gulped down a nervous exhale. “I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Levi, I did something unforgivable.”

“What did you do?” The coldness of his tone sent shivers throughout her body.

“They’re distributing the piece tomorrow across Europe.” Vera took a step back to the door. “We share the profits equally-”

“You think I care about that? You honestly think I care about my side of the profits when you went behind my back and published it?”

“Levi, people deserve to hear this, the music it’s incredible. I don't want it to be only heard in these four walls!”

“And I told you that it was for a reason!”

“A reason that wasn’t good enough!” Levi was shocked at this. “You want it to feel more intimate? What is that? With publishing more kids that grew up like you can experience it. Have you thought about that?”

“Do not bring up my childhood right now when all you are doing is spitting on my legacy!”

“Fine, then I’ll just head back to Vienna. Call me if you want to apologize!”

“What about the rest of the shows?”

“They were doomed anyway. Better no show than a mediocre one.”

She opened the door after already having collected her belongings and rushed out. Some backstage workers tried to stop her for interviews but she turned them away. Her rental car was down the street, she easily made it without looking back.

Vera always failed to see many things about Levi, seeing him rushing out of the conservatory after her would be one of them.

--

A New Era for Pianist Vera Shcherbatskaya amidst the publishing of her new piece: Friends of Youth

Levi Ackerman publishes his first piece with Vera Shcherbatskaya here’s what we think!

The headlines from small newspaper outlets from across Europe became larger than she anticipated. The two lived in their bubble together when composing and even before but in the aftermath they were exposed to the world.

“The sales on your music books are amazing!” Her agent yelled over the phone. Vera was sweeping her apartment, trying to get rid of the dust that had accumulated in less than a day.

“That’s good. Anything else?” Vera’s voice was as dull as her heart. 

“Anything else? Vera, you are the most popular pianist in Europe! This is what we dreamed of!”

“Let me know if Levi or his agent calls.”

She hung up the phone and threw it on the couch. Outside in Vienna was no longer a safe haven as fans swarmed her every move. The only sanctuary was her apartment but even that was a landmine, signs of Levi’s presence were everywhere. The lack of dust in cabinets, organized bookshelves by author's last name, and so much more.

Her next few performances held a significantly darker tone, people theorized it was about a heartbroken lover. Nevertheless, she played with a multitude of partners but each was less satisfying than the last. Nothing matched when they had played in London, critics even noticed.

“You were lovely, Antoine. Just not what I need.” She tried to let the man down gently but he stormed off, writing in the papers that her time with Levi had made her more heartless. 

Hange visited when the news started dying down.

“You followed my advice?”

“It was shit advice.” 

They shared a bottle of wine while watching old reruns of sitcoms. None of the jokes were remotely funny but it was good background noise.

“You’re still heartbroken that Levi left you.” It was harsh but accurate.

“He hasn’t even tried to call!”

“He talked to me.” Hange chuckled when Vera crawled over to them.

“What did he say?”

“Settle down, I’ll tell you.” They put their glass down and moved closer to the woman. “He said he was sad that he never considered your side but equally mad that you went behind his back.”

“That’s it? I already knew that! Come on, Hange, he had to have told you more!”

“Talk to him to figure it out!”

She did not in fact talk to Levi and instead chose to continue playing their shared music across Europe. His parts were stark silence, leaving it incomplete.

Concert Pianist Vera Shcherbatskaya entering a mournful period

That was spot on. Crowds across the continent noted the far-off look in her eyes in those loud moments of silence. When the last note was played they all clapped the same as that night but with more reproach. 

“Ms. Vera!” She turned and found a little girl waving with a marker and paper. “Could you sign this?”

The woman obliged, kneeling to the girl’s level.

“What’s your name?”

“Vera! Like yours!” 

“Then you’ll grow up to be a fine piano player, yes?”

“I want to play violin!”

“Then we’ll have to play together one time.”

She finished the message on the sheet and handed it back to the girl, her mother had a tired smile on her face.

“Thank you,” the mother whispered. “I saved up to take her to this concert, thank you for making it special!”

“If you want her career to grow, take her to a conservatory in Budapest. Tell them I sent you and they will give you room and board for free if you work there.” Vera pressed a warm hand into the mother’s shoulders.

“I can’t thank you enough!”

“Thank me when she gets to play on the big stage.”

Playing to massive audiences grew meaningless after a while, people blended together. None resembling who she actually wanted to see in a crowd. Vera left her concert after playing one night in Vienna, choosing to head to a local dive bar. It was packed to the brim for the open-mic night.

They had a piano, it looked out of tune and needed some work but it would do.

“Can I play?”

“You go on in five minutes.”

She stretched her hands out and followed a drunk man who sang a Mariah Carey song, he hit the high notes which surprised the crowd. Performers were meant to introduce themselves but she chose instead to test the keys out.

Most were fine, just the higher ones were a tinge too headache-inducing.

The first part was Levi’s, she never knew how to play it even if she tried. Vera strummed her own slow part in the quiet bar, not nearly drunk enough to not feel the nerves from playing in front of such a judgemental crowd. She paused again.

“Why are you stopping?”

“Keep playing!”

The shouts hurt her slightly but she continued through to the middle, tears fell down her face as feelings of heartbreak came rushing back. A hush fell over the crowd when someone from the audience made their way to the stage. He took the seat next to her, stretching his hands out.

“Let’s start over.” Levi’s familiar voice hummed. She smiled through her tears and leaned closer.

Levi laughed when she cuddled closer into him, his warmth enveloping her.

“Night, sunshine.” She stiffened in his grip at the pet name he used. His upbringing made him value what the surface offered, mainly the light. He was calling her what he valued most. She felt acidic internally, how could she put him through this?

“Night, Lee,” Lina murmured dutifully. 

I’m sorry , she would think when she made eye contact with him.

You deserve the world , she would think when he saved a slice of banana bread for her.

How did I do that to him , she thought when she stood on that wall looking down at his ailing form.

Lina took a small step forward, about to surge towards him and abandon her role, her purpose.

“Don’t,” Zeke commanded. “Think about your duty to your country.”

As if my every waking thought has not been about that.

“When’s the boat back?” Her voice was hoarse from crying previously. 

She rode atop Zeke’s shoulder in his titan form, forced to abandon the majority of her scout uniform safe for her basic blouse and slacks. For a minute moment, Lina turned to look at the fleeting Maria Reiner had toppled so many years ago.

Levi. He’s back there, fighting for everything he holds dear. That doesn’t include me anymore.

The ride back she stayed silent for the majority of it, avoiding War Chief Yeager’s questions on Paradisian society and politics. He was entirely uninformed and asked cringe-worthy questions about the world she had been immersed in.

“Do they hate themselves for being devils?”

“Is there brainwashing to believe otherwise?”

“Is there a hierarchy and class divide and can that be used as a weakness?”

On and on, hilarious questions were asked. Reiner was more forward about actually answering straightforwardly, he was exempt from the ‘rehabilitation’ program. His enthusiasm to return to Marley and clear outward disdain for Paradise made Command suspect him of being less likely to defect. After all, he only became the Armored Titan because of his faith in Marley.

“Who are you loyal to?” They asked periodically throughout the day, constantly preying on the lone fact that Lina had barely enough food and water to sustain any average thought. 

“Marley. I am loyal to Marley,” she sobbed over and over, desperate to be free of this cell so far beneath the surface. 

“Who is the enemy?”

“The island devils,” she said, the only acceptable answer her torturers accepted.

“And who are you?”

“A tool for Marley, a nameless soldier in the fight for good.”

 When she was released the first thing she relished in was the sunlight. She understood Levi craving it after being so deprived of it for so long. Levi. What would he be doing right now?

“Why can’t I make your afternoon tea, Lee?” She whined, trying to grab his stirring spoon which he expertly snatched away.

“You don’t make it right,” Levi said, looking up and finally meeting her pleading eyes.

“Harsh.”

“Accurate. Now go sit and I’ll have both of our tea ready, ok sunshine?”

“I’m not a child.” Levi stood still waiting for an appropriate answer. “Fine.”

She grazed the wide variety of tea flavors the markets of Liberio offered, it had tea leaves from all corners of the world. It never tasted the same no matter how she prepared it to how Levi made it. Always lacking the right thing.

“Wanna try?” A large clown said from behind Lina, she shirked away and glared at the man.

“Try that again and I stab you,” she said, harsher than she intended. Paradise had hardened her shell into something mainly impenetrable. 

“Sorry, miss.” The clown scurried away which made her laugh loudly. People stared but passed by quickly, they had all seen weirder.

She wandered further through the coastal market, trying to find a tea flavor she had not already tried. Her hand stopped on a batch of leaves, they looked similar to the ones in Levi’s cabinet, then again every batch looked similar.

“I’ll take this bag.” 

“That one, are you sure?” The stall worker asked.

“Yes, why?” Lina was tempted to drop the bag.

“It’s from an island near to Heaven, most people wouldn’t want it.”

“I’m not most people,” she said, passing coins to the worker.

“No, it appears not.” The worker grimly took the coin, pocketing it, and went off to help another customer. Lina sighed and continued walking further down the pier, failing to look ahead of her. Levi always said her head-

“Is your head up in the clouds?” Levi reprimanded, dusting his jacket off after colliding his body first with someone else. He looked up and blanched.

Shit , Levi thought.

Fuck, Lina thought.

“What are you-” She started yelling. Levi grabbed her upper arm and dragged her into a decrepit alleyway, some rats scurried away when they entered. He pushed her up against a brick wall, knife already at her throat though somewhat sheathed by his sleeve. “Levi, what are you doing here?”

“Why should I tell you, traitor?” She deserved that but it still hurt deep within her.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lina whispered, she dared to push the knife away gently. “I had to do it for my country.”

“Your country? Do you mean the one that oppresses you? You would choose this hell instead of me,” Levi hissed, pressing the knife back against her throat with a new vengeance. 

“If it were that simple I would have chosen you time and time again.”

“Why?” Levi felt his mind leave him and got a distant look in his eyes, Lina took full advantage and snatched the blade from out of his wrist. She used his heartbreak against him and pinned him to the opposite wall. 

“Levi-”

“Why isn’t it that simple?” He did not look surprised that his blade was stolen.

“If I betray you I betray myself. If I betray the Warriors, I betray my country.” Tears lined Lina’s eyes. “My country is very dear to me.”

Images of young warrior candidates flashed through her mind, all so little. She wanted to protect them even if it meant sacrificing her own happiness.

“Dearer than I?” Levi asked, his chest cracked open again. There was nothing left to pick, yet Lina found more things to take from him.

“No,” she gasped. “No, not dearer than you.”

“So what? You’ll kill me now?”

“You don’t think I will?” Lina raised her voice, digging her knife further into his neck, careful not to draw blood. “You wouldn’t be so unphased otherwise…well, I can kill you!”

“You deceived me, you lied to me-” Levi listed before he was rudely interrupted.

“I’m tired of listening to you drudge this up,” Lina whispered. 

“Then what are we fighting about?” Levi emphasized every word with a grit of his teeth, conscious of the persistent blade.

“You gave me your heart. You’d like me to hand it back to you, whole again so that you may finally spend an eternity without me.”

“I’ve had everything stolen from me, won’t you give me that small mercy?”

“Never.” Lina stepped away and removed the knife from his neck.

“I hate you,” Levi whispered again and again, pushing her into the wall. He whispered it against her lips, neck, and even her collarbone.

“I wish you did hate me. It would make this easier.”

Levi stayed silent, if he spoke it would ruin this perfect moment. He felt filled again, he could feel his own beating heart. He felt alive. This was profound, this was it.

“Go,” Lina pushed him away. “Go to your people. I’ll pretend I never saw you.”

“Come with me.” Levi extended his hand, the one he held the knife in previously. 

Lina looked at his hand longingly, desirable. She turned around and exited the alley on the other side, Levi stood there with his hand still outstretched.

Country first, everything else is second. He is second.

“Levi, you have to choose,” Hange commanded, barely holding back Mikasa.

There was a static in his ears, nothing was able to process in his brain. Levi’s body went into autopilot as his spirit drifted away. Why was she up there? Why was she standing among those monsters?

“Sir…How do you know for sure there’s nobody on the other side of the walls?” Erwin muttered.

Levi looked down horrified at the man in front of him, he had no more capacity in him to care. He felt his mind reaching its limit, Levi pushed the reality away from him and marched towards Armin.

I’ve been betrayed. I have to kill my friend, my brother in this world.

Levi supposed he was happy before, finally at peace. He had people with him, he had a support system. He was sane before he lost it all.

All good things come to an end, especially for me.

Happiness never suited Levi fully anyways, he would deal. He would survive the many military tribunals questioning him on his relationship with Lina. Constant accusation of him being a traitor as if he had not given everything to this country. He had nothing left within him to give, they took it all.

“Captain Ackerman, are you admanent that you had nothing to do with the defect of Cadet Lina Zimmerman?”

“I am certain. She deceived me like everyone else.” His voice felt hollow.

“Forgive me for being so doubtful of your answer, Captain, you are one of the strongest in the whole military. How did this slip past you?”

Levi kept silent at first, it was a direct shot at his ego but he had nothing left within him to genuinely be offended. How foolish could he have been to think she was never going to betray him? That he could finally be content with his life

“I don’t know, Commander.” He stared down Darius, almost wishing him to discharge Levi.

Every question further after that felt like his chest was being cracked further and further open. His organs being plucked one by one till he was a husk of what he was. He sat there and stood for his alleged crime of being blinded by love. 

Erwin was gone, Lina betrayed him, and Hange was depressed like him. 

Tears came slowly as they often did in these times for Levi. It was a dam at first then the flood came, he did not know how to stop it. Betrayal had never felt so bitter on his tongue.

Levi lies awake in the bed he shared with her, refusing to even think of the name should she ever be summoned. It was bigger than the other beds in the rest of the regiment but it was meant to accommodate two people not just one. The other side remained cold for the rest of the night. 

He reached a hand out and caressed the blanket which Lina clutched so often, afraid Levi would pull it from her. His expression dimmed again when he caught himself reminiscing. 

She’s a traitor, stop romanticizing it all.

But then he had to forget those nights…

“Would you ever become a titan-shifter if you had the chance?” She asked out of the blue. Her head on her pillow staring directly across at Levi who was also facing towards her.

“Never, it’ll only disadvantage me. Besides, being mortal lets me value what they don’t.” He pushed some of her hair behind her ear.

“Like what?”

“For starters, you.” Levi paused in his brushing and cradled her cheek. “With all the years I’d be living as a shifter I wouldn’t be able to value the life I have with you.”

The popular theory of the time was that Eren Yeager would have an elongated lifespan due to his regenerative ability being able to fight off aging. That titan-shifters would live for generations while mere mortals died as per the norm. A prevalent but not proven theory of course.

Levi watched Lina’s face intently, confused by the sour look she had, what did he say that was so wrong?

“Did I say something wrong?”

“No, sorry. Just a lot on my mind.”

How stupid she must have thought of him, to even consider that titan-shifters lived longer than thirteen years? Levi imagined that she was laughing at him internally in those moments, looking down on him even further as another island devil.

Those thoughts were pushed to the side, he had to focus on the mission. He silently rode to the coast, the sand getting in his boots without him realizing.

The sea, in his opinion, was beautiful and the best part however. Filled with life and ecosystems in their own little worlds, oblivious to the conflict happening on the surface. Occasionally being affected by the long boat or apex predator swimming alone. He reached his hand down to the water, and a fish grazed his skin. 

Such a funny feeling. Feeling so free but encased in such a lonely environment.

He blinked, who was he thinking about? Himself or the fish?

“You alright there, Levi?” Hange asked, truly joyous for the first time since Erwin died.

“They would have all loved this,” Levi whispered. His eyes raked over the young cadets who played in the salty sea. He imagined all his dead comrades who would have loved to experience this, they were robbed of it.

“Nanaba probably would have splashed Miche a million times over,” Hange laughed, their mood somewhat downturned by the thought of her previous friends.

“Erwin would have stood by the shore the whole time, too afraid to dip his toes in.”

“Nah, I would have dragged him in here.” Hange looked back to the shore almost expecting him to be there, it was deserted except for the horses. “We do this for them, you know that right?”

“Yeah, doesn’t make it hurt less though.”

Hange chose not to respond and instead descended further into the water, it reached their ankles now. Levi remained planted near the shore but still in the sea, small waves splashed up against his upper legs. It was cold but no colder than how his body felt.

I wanted that.

Sasha splashed Jean who did the same to her, both of them screaming in pain at the salt getting in their eyes. 

I deserved that,

Armin laughed at Mikasa who stumbled in the water, struggling to keep her balance.

Why can’t I have that?

He gasped when Hange splashed his upper half, he glared at her.

“Four-eyes!”

Levi began playing the water, feeling more carefree than he ever had since- since-

“What is Lina doing up there?” Hange yelled, anger lining their voice.

“Hange.” Levi reached out to their shoulder. They turned to find Levi vulnerable for once, a fragile look in his eyes gave it all away.

“Sh- she betrayed us,” Hange whispered, astonished that they had been cheated for this long.

“She betrayed me.” Levi’s eyes were wide, he was not furious. Only embarrassed at himself. He gave his soul away, how could he be so stupid? “We need to regroup and find the horses remaining.”

“Levi-” Hange began before they were interrupted.

“Don’t. If I stop I have to think about it and if I think about it this military will lose its most prized tool. So let’s focus on keeping whoever is alive, alive.”

He stopped. He finally stopped. How glorious it felt.

For a moment you contemplated throwing your drink away and going back to your apartment but decided to explore just a little more. The glares of either envy or jealousy followed you all the while you walked down random hallways. It felt as though you got more and more lost in your surroundings but it was exhilarating to lose yourself physically. Though that could have been the alcohol talking.

“Fuckin’ rich people,” you whispered as the hallways seemed to stretch on and on. How big was this house?

Stopping in a hallway you noticed a larger portrait with all of Eren’s family with Jean’s and Mikasa’s. They were old money, something you were so very not. The judgmental eyes of Grisha Yeager looked down at your scantily clad body. That man had never respected you, much rather preferring a wealthier girl for his son than you. These girls were effortless where you worked yourself to the bone, they were graceful where you were headstrong, they were everything you were not.

Why did Eren ask me out?

Why did he want me?

Vaguely you registered shouting coming from the end of the hall which would have steered you in the other direction had you not recognized the voice.

“What do you mean you lost her? She’s my girlfriend, how do you lose her? Find her or I’ll-”

“Eren,” you mumbled, going for a side hug. Instantly you felt his muscles relax as a scared Falco nodded in thanks before quickly fleeing the scene. 

“Where’d you go?” He questioned, placing his chin on the top of your head. His previously angered tone was nowhere to be found as he began to bask in your presence. You had this effect on him, he was always calmer around you.

“I walked around the house, and got lost.”

“Figures, did you want me to get you another drink?” Eren asked as he threw on one of his signature smirks.

“No I’m ok, I have work tomorrow anyway.” You could feel the frown on his face at your answer. Eren separated from you slightly to show you his expression but did not comment.

“Ok, let me bring you to the group then,” he whispered, leaning down directly into your ear. At his action, you nervously glanced around only to find that you both were in a secluded room far from any party-goers.

“Or we could stay here for a bit?” You slyly suggested, pulling on the hem of Eren’s shirt.

“Or we could stay here,” Eren confirmed, after a pause. He slid a hand to the side of your face and brought your lips to his. He tasted as he usually did, of cedar. Gently he guided you both to a nearby couch where you straddled him instantly. 

“I like looking at you like this,” you whispered, upper half upright so you could stare down at the man for once.

“Don’t get used to it, princess.” The nickname made your heart flutter as he was the only one in the world who would call you such. It was ironic considering how you managed running a club, academics, and a job which contrasted heavily with being an uptight princess. Eren had initially used it to piss you off but quickly found the effect it had on you to be different, more fluster-inducing.

“Jean is going to kill us if he finds us making out in his house,” you said. Eren laughed as he kissed you hungrily again, his teeth bit softly into your bottom lip. You rolled your tongue over the bit part enough for Eren to slip his tongue into your mouth. For a moment you gasped at the sudden intrusion but quickly adjusted as you both fell into a sort of rhythm. A little squeeze from Eren on your hip there and a roll from your hips there made the experience all the more intoxicating.

“What the hell!” Jean yelled as he burst into the room. You broke apart from Eren and with no shame began laughing at his reaction. Eren chuckled too but moved you away from Jean as he stood up. “You should go find them, Sasha said. Maybe they’re lost, Connie said.”

“Sorry, horse-face! We’ll leave,” Eren said with an air of humor in his voice.

“Shut the fuck up Yeager and get out!” Jean shouted, pointing at the door behind him. Eren’s smile widened as he began to leave but not before holding a hand out to you. Grasping his hand you both made your way down the hall, retreating from the angered Jean.

“I told you!” You whisper-shouted at Eren.

“I don’t regret it,” Eren whispered in the same playful tone. 

“Did you see his face? I swear it was red!”

“There was steam coming from his ears!”

After some more jokes traded between the two of you, the main party room came back into view. Instead of those glares that followed you everywhere, they were replaced with vying and impassive stares from everyone. You began to shy from it all until Eren kissed your temple.

"They're all jealous," he whispered.

"Of what?"

"You."

Eren instilled a confidence you never knew you could possess. Then there was the case of his smile that he never used to wear with pride as he did now. It was a newfound sense of happiness that you brought that caused it to form. Losing himself in the pleasures of life was something Eren was comfortable with until he saw you. Rather than drowning in alcohol he would much rather drown in the love you offered. Though you might have never asked him to quit his usual lifestyle Eren did, he changed. He did it for you.

“You can come in,” Levi whispered, sidestepping and allowing the girl to come in.

“You have a nice home.”

“Thanks.” There was an awkward silence that Levi attempted to fill. “Do you want tea?”

“Sure, thank you.” She nodded at him in thanks and continued to observe his humble abode. There were few belongings but the space felt lived in somehow. The shelves were lined with different photographs ranging from the rolling tides to portraits of what Mia assumed to be fallen comrades.

“That one’s Hange,” Levi said. His finger pointed to a portrait Kirchstein had drawn of Hange for him. Levi remembers the young soldier telling him it was to help him never forget their faces.

“They’ve got a nose like mine!” Mia laughed a little at Levi’s bewildered expression. “Sorry, everyone in my family has smaller noses but mine’s unique.”

“You act like Hange,” Levi grunted while handing Mia a teacup. “They were fascinated by every little thing.”

“Oh,” Mia whispered. Her family had refused to discuss Hange after their death in the Rumbling, this was the first piece of information she had heard about the mysterious family member. They both sat on Levi’s couch and he waited for a question.

“What’d you wanna ask?”

“What were they like?”

“Go away, four-eyes.” Levi flipped through some mindless paperwork.

“Not until you look at this!” Hange shoved a paper in front of Levi’s face. He sighed and pushed the paper away. “Please shorty!”

“Fine!” Levi snatched the paper from Hange’s hand. The paper was on Eren’s titan ability and some finer details Hange had noticed. It was interesting but Levi would never let Hange know that.

“Well?” Hange drawled out.

“I already knew this,” Levi growled out, shoving the paper against Hange’s chest. He resumed his paperwork and tried to ignore the laughing from Hange who enjoyed pissing Levi off so much.

“Oh well,” Hange loudly sighed. “I guess I’ll have to show you tomorrow’s report and if that doesn’t work then the day after that and the day after that and the-”

“Get. Out.” Levi gripped his black pen hard in his hand to the point where it snapped in half.

“Have fun shorty!” Hange yelled out, but not before leaving the paper on Levi’s desk which infuriated him even further.

“Infuriating but funny at the same time.”

“Meet Sawney and Beane!” Hange introduced Levi to the captured Titans. Moblit stood a few paces behind her with a tired look in his eyes at his superior’s antics.

“You named them?” Levi questioned, keeping a good distance from the greedy beings.

“Of course!” Hange ran up to Sawney and threw their arms around the neck of the Titan.

“Section commander!” Moblit yelled out before Sawney tried to move its head to bite out Hange. The section commander expertly dodged but not before petting the titan on the head and landing next to Levi.

“That happen often four-eyes?” Levi snarkily asked. He crossed his arms over his chest, unimpressed at the scene before him.

“They’re just energetic today!” Hange began to loudly laugh maniacally until they dissolved into coughing. “Anyways you can tell Erwin he’ll have a daily report and briefing.”

Levi nodded, accomplishing his purpose in coming here, and began to head out before Hange stopped him. He glared directly into Hange’s eyes before they spoke again.

“Make sure to add that in the briefings it would be nice to have some of the captains there,” Hange smirked at Levi’s annoyed expression. It was too easy to mess with the shorter man.

“Fuck you, shitty glasses,” Levi whispered as he stomped away.

“Bye, captain!” Hange called out while laughing.

“Had a knack for science and an affinity for Titans if you’d believe it.”

“Nobody ever stays by your side forever.” Hange looked down at their new desk. Commander of the Survey Corps. The death of their entire squad weighed heavily on their mind.

“I’m visiting Erwin’s grave today, did you want to join?” Levi asked. He dropped some paperwork onto the new commander’s desk.

“I need to get out of here,” Hange whispered, grabbing their coat and already heading out the door. The walk was silent as they finally made it to the shared graveyard of most of the Corps' dead soldiers. Matching gray gravestones lined the yard as they both quickly found the new plots and found who they wished to mourn for that day.

Levi stared a moment at Erwin’s stone, he picked out the engraving himself since Erwin had no family. Leader, Commander, Visionary. It was cheesy. He said some things in his head that he hoped would reach Erwin before lifting his head to Hange a few graves away.

“Thank you, friend,” they whispered. Levi watched Hange kneel to touch the gravestone before standing back up and dusting off their uniform. He noted the slumped posture in their shoulders like they had lost a reason to remain upright. Like Hange had lost the reason to remain poised.

“We have to make their sacrifices worth it. That’s our duty to them,” Levi said. Those sentiments had gotten through difficult times as well, through losing his friends, through losing his entire squad.

“We ride past the walls in a few months, it’ll be worth it,” Hange whispered. They removed their glasses for a moment and wiped their eyes. “I should head back, I got loads of paperwork to do.”

They attempted to laugh but it came out as pathetic. Levi nodded his head and followed silently behind them. Their shared walks had rarely ever been this quiet, usually filled with Hange’s rambling and Levi’s annoyed comments. He thought he would enjoy the silence but instead, it felt suffocating. He prayed inside his mind Hange would say something, anything that would tick him off but they said nothing.

“Check in on who survived. Historia demanded they all get psych evals.”

“Ok,” Levi replied. The lack of nicknames mixed in with their conversations unnerved him. Then again, out of their whole group, it was now just the two of them left, there was no one else to joke around with. How depressing.

“They were never the same after we went back to Shinganshina the first time. It was only Hange and me that survived out of the rest of the higher ranked in the Survey.”

“Is that why they stopped journaling during that time?”

“Journaling?” Levi asked.

“Yeah, Hange kept all sorts of journals in our family house. My parents wanted to throw it away but I kept them. Here’s one.” Mia handed the journal to Levi. He flipped through the pages and spotted his name a few times but saw the entries abruptly stop around the time they got back from Shiganshina.

“They became commander after we got back, more work and all.” Levi paused. “The writing probably reminded them of Moblit too.”

“Moblit?”

“He was sort of a research partner to Hange. Sacrificed himself for them to survive on that expedition.”

“Thank you for this information,” Mia said. She quickly jotted down some notes in another notepad she pulled from seemingly nowhere.

Just like Hange.

“Did you see Hange off in their final moments? All the historical accounts said you did.”

“I-” Levi paused. Memories he wished to submerge into the crevices of his soul bubbled up.

“Hey…four eyes,” Levi said, his face was forlorn.

“You understand. It feels like…it’s finally here, you know? My big moment. I want to look as cool as I possibly can right now so just let me walk away,” Hange whispered as Levi blocked their way. Sweat palpitated on their forehead as they stared at the ground, avoiding eye contact with the beings who would most likely take her life in a few mere moments.

“Dedicate your heart,” Levi whispered. His fist collided on Hange’s chest, over their heart. He faced away from the colossal, the very beings that would take away the last of his comrades that he once knew.  He began to walk away but heard a joyful Hange turn back around at Levi’s words.

“Ha! That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you say that!” Hange yelled out with joy, genuine joy, in their voice. None of that produced happiness to put on a front for people Hange had practiced in the past few months. It was real, it was tangible. It was behind Levi as he continued to walk away from the last semblance of normality in his life. Hange was a constant, despite everyone dying around him, he had Hange Zoe. That was gone, however. Levi wondered for a moment what living without a constant felt like, he figures he will know in a few moments.

“Ah, titans truly are magnificent,” Hange whispered to themself. Their final words were heard only to the skies.

Levi watched from the battered airship multiple colassals go down, more than any other person could manage. It was incredible to see the extent of Hange’s determination in action. He stared at the retreated scene, spotting a ball of fire descend from a titan. Hange. He turned his head away, they flew too close to the sun. If anyone could have done that it would have been Hange, the one who never understood boundaries.

Levi considered depicting those last moments with Hange but decided to save it for another time. It was too depressing for anyone to hear, it was a wonder he could shoulder that trauma alone.

“I have to head to the market but you’re welcome to stop by anytime.” Levi got up from the couch and began to put the tea cups into his sink. Mia got up as well and gathered her things including the journal Levi left on the table. She thought she had pushed the man too far but thought this was the best method, it is what Hange advised in their journal on how to get to know the allusive Levi Ackerman.

“I’ll take you up on that, hey has anyone ever told you that you’re short?” Mia asked, genuinely curious. She leaned up against the kitchen doorway.

“Get out.” Levi stopped his scrubbing into the dishes and stared directly into her eyes.

“Right sorry!” Mia raced out the door but Levi could hear her laughter faintly down the hall.

“You did the same with Mikasa,” Amara hissed, dried tears clung to her cheek.

“Yeah, I guess we both messed up.” Jean uncorked a glass decanter and poured the liquid inside into two glasses. Amara looked curiously at the liquid and quickly grabbed one of the glasses.

“What is it?” Amara sniffed it, recoiling at the strange smell.

“Why don’t we find out?” Jean said, already lifting the glass to his lips.

“You wanna make a toast?” Amara smiled slightly, her mind struggled to keep up with the events of the past few hours.

“To sleeping with the First Lady!” Jean yelled, the halls were deserted.

“To sleeping with the President!” Amara yelled out after him. They both quickly down their drinks but were left thoroughly disappointed. “Iced tea?”

“We can’t even get drunk, this is hell on Earth,” Jean muttered, harshly placing the glass on the table.

“What’s going to happen to us?” Amara whispered, vulnerability shining through. 

“They’ll probably fire us,” Jean said. He got up from his couch and sat next to her, letting Amara rest her head on his shoulder. “But we should stick together, presidential mistresses together, right?”

“We should start a club,” Amara whispered, giggling. 

“I’m sure the Post would love that,” Jean whispered, nudging the shoulder that Amara was resting her head. He laughed too and reclined further into the couch. 

“We’d be front page,” Amara retorted. “Imagine that, us on the front page.”

Jean looked down at the girl next to him, at one point they were close enough that he would call her a sister. Now he did not know what their relationship was, people who share a unique set of circumstances felt like the right term. He noted the way her entire body would shudder when she yawned, Jean wondered for a moment what Eren saw in her.

“How’d it happen?” Amara looked up at Jean, confused by his words. “With Eren, how did it happen?”

“He wanted to fire me after I told him he needed to have more appearances with his wife,” Amara said. “The next day at that town hall he pulled me into some random hallway and asked me to stand with him for a moment,” Amara whispered. She knew she should have never agreed in the first place but Amara allowed herself a moment to be weak.

“You promised yourself it was only a one-time thing, then it kept happening over and over,” Jean interrupted Amara, staring off directly in front of him. It was the same when it first happened with Mikasa.

They both stewed in silence for a little longer until the doors to the conference room opened, and a man in a suit stood there. Amara stood up, wiping her nose, and tried to walk out of the room only to be stopped by the man.

“Let me out,” she quietly said, desperation clear in her voice.

“Ma’am I have direct order to keep both you and Mr. Kirstein here until further notice,” the secret service agent said.

“This is unconstitutional!” Amara yelled, she attempted to run out of the room only to be pushed directly to the ground.

“Hey don’t touch her!” Jean pushed the agent off and quickly pulled Amara up. The agent resumed his earlier position but this time closed the door and waited silently. Jean stood for a moment, half expecting the man to say something but was disappointed, he laughed.

“We’re stuck in a random room in the White House with no time limit on when we can leave and you’re laughing?” Amara angrily said to him.

“Yeah, yeah I am.” Jean continued to laugh. “We graduated from Harvard Law, passed the bar for the District of Columbia, worked on a winning presidential campaign, and now we’re right where we dreamed of being but we can’t leave!”

Amara stared at the man in front of her, signs of insanity seeping into his disposition. She processed what he said and shook her head, it was hilarious. The laughter flowed out of her and they both dissolved into insanity.

“We can’t even get drunk!” Amara fell back onto the couch they were sitting on before. Jean pushed her legs off the couch and promptly sat on the couch where he previously was. 

“Well, I’m gonna sleep.”

“Good idea.” Amara placed her legs on Jean’s lap and closed her eyes, he followed suit.

It was 3 AM when the wooden door opened with a loud creak. Jean always was a heavy sleeper but Amara was already up, she was alert and ready. The intruding light from the hallway made her shield her eyes away.

“Who’s there?” Her voice came out croaky from the lack of water. 

“It’s Armin. The President would like to see you in the Oval,” Armin whispered.

“No.” Amara flopped back onto the couch and shut her eyes.

“You can leave after you meet with him.” Amara cracked an eye before trying her best to get off the couch without waking up Jean. She smiled slightly as her legs moved and instead of noticing the man snored even louder.

At this time of night, nearly everyone had gone home but the Secret Service remained there. She wondered for a moment if they would say anything, what with her tousled hair and lack of shoes. He stopped before a door and turned back around to Amara, his hand reached out and smoothed down her hair.

“Try not to yell at him,” he whispered.

“No promises,” Amara retorted. Armin smiled at her and opened the door saying something Amara could not decipher before he motioned for her to enter. Her steps were small as she walked into the Oval Office, not exactly how she pictured it of course. The door closed behind her and Amara met eyes with Eren Yeager, the new President.

“Mar,” Eren said, his suit unkempt as his tie lay off-center.

“You locked me-” Eren interrupted her and pointed to the ceiling, directly at the only camera in the Oval.

“Come here.” He guided her towards a side of the room near the window. She noted how close he stood, unconsciously she reached out and began to adjust his tie.

“You can’t be a President and not keep yourself together, do you know what this could do to your reputation,” Amara mumbled. Her nervous rants always entertained Eren to no end but this was a different time. He grabbed her hands and stopped her, and Amara’s head lifted upward.

“Amara.” His voice was stern, it was the same tone he used to berate staffers.

“We shouldn’t do this. I shouldn’t be here.” Her voice carried vitriol as her head lurched slightly forward to enunciate her point.

“We need to talk about this,” Eren whispered, his voice pained.

“I don’t want to talk, I want to go back to my apartment and pretend this never happened!” Amara whisper-shouted at him. She yanked her hands out of his grip and took a few steps until her back met with the wall.

“You’re just going to leave..after all of this.” Eren walked closer with his hands trying to reach for her face. 

“Because you are married, because you said you wanted to try to dedicate yourself to your marriage because I wanted you to be a better man.” Amara enunciated every word perfectly, her posture was stiff as she remained in her position. Eren inched closer, eyes locked onto the woman whom he truly loved. He ignored her words and became entranced with the way her lips moved, he became entranced by her.

“Don’t touch me,” Amara whispered. Eren opted not to listen and he pulled her close, their faces remained inches apart, noses touching one another. Amara’s breath was heavy but Eren looked like it was a regular day. His hand reached up to grasp her cheek, and Amara leaned into his touch. She had every opportunity to push him away but, still, she remained and pushed into his palm. 

“Look at me,” Eren whispered. Amara closed her eyes and turned her head away. “Look at me.” She looked up. “What kind of a coward was I to marry her and not wait for you?”

Amara’s inhibitions clouded for a moment and she saw clarity. It would be simple to continue her job here with him, work the job during the day, and warm his bed at night. It was tempting but Amara’s ambitious nature made her recoil, she pushed him away and walked to another side of the room.

“You have a wife,” she whispered

“She had an affair with Kirchstein,” Eren whispered, as he tried to walk closer. “We can divorce, it wouldn’t be unprecedented.”

“You would be ruined, your political career would go down the drain! You would do all that for me?” Amara had tears in her eye line as Eren did. 

“Yes! So let me choose you!” Eren said, finally close enough to pull her towards him.

“I will not be the reason you can’t do what you have wanted your whole life,” Amara whispered, her hands cupping his face.

“Shut up and let me choose you. Let me love you,” He whispered, their noses nudged one another.

“Eren, I’m going to walk out of this room and you will never try to find me,” Amara whispered, his hands tightened around her waist.

“Stay.”

“I wish it were that simple.”

With mental fortitude, Amara pushed Eren away and walked out of the Oval. Not once did she look over her shoulder but Eren looked at her retreating figure with sorrow. Amara marched out of the West Wing and to the front lawn, she knew the way directly to her apartment from here. It was cathartic to see cars pass by, people drinking, it was like the world kept rotating despite her own falling apart.

The bench outside her apartment was occupied by her neighbor who looked questioningly at her posture. The lack of shoes she had made him worried even more.

“Are you alright Amara?” Erwin asked, his fingers holding a burning cigarette.

“I’m fine, do you need any help getting upstairs?” Amara replied, she tried hiding her sniffles.

“No, dear, would you mind sitting with me for a moment?”

“Of course, I wouldn’t mind,” Amara muttered as she sat on the wooden bench. Erwin Smith had been Amara’s neighbor for nearly five years, he helped her through law school. After the death of her parents, Amara leaned heavily on the man, he was her support system in many ways.

“You know I worked on a presidential campaign when I was younger and typically when you won everyone crashed overnight at the White House after drinking too much,” Erwin said, smiling wryly at Amara who sat shocked next to him. She glanced around nervously for any security cameras or news crew, she had become paranoid. 

“Can we go inside?” Amara whispered, her head held in her palms as she leaned forward. 

There was a long pause, and Erwin sighed.

“Alright.” She helped the man get up from his seat and into the building, putting out his cigarette in the process.

“Smoking kills you know?” Amara muttered as they ascended in the elevator.

“So does a broken heart,” Erwin said.

“Yeah I guess it does,” Amara whispered, her head turned towards Erwin.

Eren remained in the office, sitting on the couch staring off into the distance. 

“Mr. President, you have a meeting in the morning, do you want to go over the preparation now or in the morning?” Armin asked.

“Morning, just give me a few hours,” Eren muttered.

“I didn’t get to say it but congratulations on the election Eren.” Armin closed the door.

“Yes,” Levi muttered, brushing Miche off of him and walking closer to the center where Erwin sat. Miche looked where Levi was looking to find a particularly entrancing woman dancing, he smirked.

“You should go to her,” Miche shouted, his voice barely being heard over the club music. Levi turned and glared at the man before taking his seat.

“Go to who?” Erwin questioned, he lightly swished the glass of whiskey in his hand.

“No one,” Levi angrily said, downing a shot in one go. Erwin was smirking with Miche at the annoyed look on his friend’s face.

“I’ll kick you out if you don’t go,” Erwin whispered, leaning close to Levi’s ear. Levi turned toward his longtime friend and glared before standing up. He took off his suit jacket, leaving a pair of slacks and a slightly opened dress shirt. 

“This is both of your faults if this goes wrong,” Levi said menacingly, finger hitting the center of both of his friend’s chests. They both chuckled at his antics and returned to nursing their drinks.

Levi headed down the spiral staircase that led directly to the main dance floor, heart pounding just as loudly as the volume of people. Alcohol lowering his inhibitions, he strode through the main floor, ignoring the curious eyes that followed him. The bar was filled with people but he easily found space and ordered another shot. Downing it easily he placed the glass back on the counter, he heard a voice next to him.

“Could I get a vodka shot?” Maggie shouted over all the noise. Levi winced at the volume and turned ready to yell at the person but stopped as he looked directly at her face. It was the same woman he looked at before, the woman he was seeking out.

“Make it two,” Levi shouted, not diverting his attention away from Maggie. She looked back at Levi and narrowed her eyes slightly.

“You payin’?” Maggie leaned in to whisper, her breath hot on his neck, leaving goosebumps along the way.

“Can’t leave a pretty woman alone drinking now can I?” The words left his lips almost as easily as the large amount of alcohol he had consumed tonight. Levi’s lips quirked into a smirk at her slightly shocked expression.

“And they say chivalry is dead.” Maggie smiled at him. “What’s your name?”

“Levi, yours?”

“Maggie.”

“Here you two go,” the bartender said as he slid the two vodka shots. Maggie downed the shot and quickly sucked on a nearby lime, shaking her head at the acidity of both things. Levi looked amazed at her speed but quickly downed his shot, also shaking his head at the surprisingly acidic taste of the shot.

“You wanna get out of here?” Levi’s subconscious was shocked at his words, maybe he was being too forward?

“Yeah,” Maggie said.

Erwin and Miche smirked from above at Levi leaving the bar with a seemingly random woman. The night in New York was cold at this time in the night but with the amount of alcohol Levi and Maggie had consumed, it felt warm. In an instant, Levi led her to a nearby alleyway filled with trash but neither of them paid it any mind. He pushed her against the wall and connected their lips, falling under the illusion he was in control.

“God, you’re hot,” Levi whispered as they separated for a moment. Maggie smirked before switching their positions and pushing Levi against the wall. She raked her hands across his chest and then to his face, a metal bracelet bringing a cool touch to his body. He brought her palm up to his lips and kissed it.

“I know,” she whispered, breath fanning directly onto his lips as she leaned into him. Levi smiled into the kiss which commenced what could only be described as a need for the other person. They lost themselves in one another as breath mixed and air was shared, only breaking apart for light banter. As the moon began to set even further Maggie separated herself from Levi, looking to be in a rush.

“Sorry I have to go, I have to go!” Maggie rushed out before starting to run down the street. Levi remained startled for a moment longer before rushing out of the alleyway too.

“Can I at least get your number?” Levi yelled out.

“Back pocket!” Maggie yelled out, hand cupping the side of her mouth to project her volume even more. Her heels clacked against the pavement leaving an out-of-breath Levi who loved every moment of the night. Levi reached into his pocket to find a small wrinkled piece of paper with a number messily inscribed.

Levi smirked at the paper before entering back into the club, disheveled and euphoric. He climbed back up the spiral staircase to his friends who had know-it-all grins on their faces. 

“Told you,” Miche shouted as he doubled over in laughter at Levi’s appearance.

“How do you know anything happened?” Levi glared at the laughing man.

“You’ve got lipstick on your cheek and your shirt is completely messed up,” Erwin said, sipping on his drink. Levi’s cheeks turned red, grumbling under his breath as he sat down next to his friends.

“One night or something longer?” Erwin asked. 

“Don’t know, we’ll see.”

Levi got back to his home a few hours later, dazed and confused but thoroughly pleased. It had been a while since he truly let go and he reveled in it. His doorman greeted him with a smile, saying nothing of his appearance but opting to escort the inebriated man directly to his penthouse.

“Have a safe night, sir,” the man said.

“Thank you,” Levi nodded, trying to remain serious despite everything about him screaming otherwise. He shut the door, the feeling of slugginess overwhelming him, Levi decided to flop into his bed. 

Maggie, what a girl.

From beneath the bedsheets, you reached your hand to grasp his clenched fist, then, and only then did he release slightly. He looked around once again but was met with the familiar sight of the bedroom.

“You’re safe, there is no war,” you whispered, the same tone you had said every time prior.

“I’m not stupid I know,” Levi mumbled. The vulnerability of admitting the trauma his life had given him was something Levi was not prepared for so he chose the next option; avoidance.

“I never said you were but you looked tense,” you said, getting up to match his eye level while remaining on the bed. “I just wanted to be there for you.”

Levi paused for a moment, he lashed out at you again. Though you had explained to him previously that you understood his defensiveness it still made him feel awful whenever he lashed out. That horrible feeling led him into believing he could never escape the horrors he had been subjected to.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to get angry.” He rubbed his hands together awkwardly.

“I know.” You smiled, Levi thought he did not deserve that grace. “But you’re getting better at recognizing it? Can’t you see?”

No, Levi could not. The progress you saw was entirely invisible to him so he simply sighed.

“Would you want to have some tea?”

“I’m up for it,” you said gleefully. 

Levi got up using his walking cane, refusing assistance from you, and headed towards the shared kitchen. You remained silent as you sat down on a nearby table and opened a book knowing full well the tea-making process helped him to relax. It was clear cut for Levi, the steps were ingrained into his mind, even after all these years.

Hange taught me this trick.

Levi paused in his straining.

Hange.

The ‘four-eyed freak’ popped into his mind. For once in his life, he missed their charisma, their ability to lighten any mood, and most importantly their quirks. Levi looked around the kitchen but was met with empty space, Hange would always annoy him when he was brewing tea. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted you sitting idly at the table reading. Levi shook his head as he realized his own foolishness, he was not alone in this struggle.

“Can you stand by me?” The words came out stuttered and forced but for Levi to admit help this was the only way. You smiled at propped yourself on a nearby counter, watching him silently. “How was your day?”

“Good. Gabi dropped by and gave me some fruit she bought at the market, they’re supposed to be exotic.”

This was nice, this was normal.

“Keep talking,” he commanded.

You droned on and on about your day, recapping drama, reminiscing, sharing opinions, and so on. He never interrupted you but looked even more focused on his tea-making process. 

“Done.” You stopped talking instantly and helped to put the tea and saucers onto the table. As you both sat there was a sad tinge in his eyes that you quickly picked up on.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Levi paused in contemplation, did he want to talk about it?

“Do you remember that time Hange thought it would be funny to lock us in Erwin’s office?” Levi looked down at his tea with a broken smile, his index finger rubbing the ceramic thoughtfully.

“You tried kicking the door down if I recall correctly.” You chuckled.

“You slept on one of the desk chairs until I woke you up.” Levi lifted his eyes to yours which were already staring at him. “Do you miss them?”

There was a lull. Did you miss your fallen comrades?

“Every day,” you whispered.

“How do you live?” Levi had stopped avoiding, he was tired of running.

“I have to focus on the present because if I stop to look back I’ll-” You stopped yourself as you lifted a hand to quiet your sobs. “I’ll remember how they all died, right in front of me.”

Levi regretted asking you these questions, it did more harm than good. It was better to just move on but that was easier said than done. He decided, looking at you, that he would try to live the life all his comrades dreamed of, he would try to live in peace.

“Do you want more tea?” He was mournful.

“No, I’m fine,” you hurriedly muttered, wiping the snot leaking from your nose. 

“I’m gonna go back to bed,” Levi whispered, already grabbing his cane.

“I’ll go with.” The dishes were left on the table, that was tomorrow’s problem.

The room was as cold as before but Levi shirked away from it now. He glanced dismally at his bed and quickly climbed under the covers, pulling you closer than before. The newfound contact surprised you for a moment but you leaned into him.

“Don’t leave me too,” he whispered, voice gravelly, breath hot on your neck. 

“I’m right here,” you whispered. Your hand grabbed his and you leaned your back further into his front. “Can’t you feel me?”

“You’re warm.” You were puzzled for a moment, Levi hated being warm or even humid. “This feels nice.”

“So are you,” you whispered back. Eren’s mouth quirked slightly in amusement before he leaned in, connecting his lips with your own. 

“By being with him you’d only be a distraction. We can’t risk that, not when we have already come this far.”

Levi’s words rang loudly in your mind but still, you stood in the damp hallway kissing him. The corporal was no fool and knew the relationship between you and Eren, it was obvious in his eyes. In nearly everyone’s eyes this transgression should not exist, he was destined to bring humanity victories against the titans, and Eren Yeager should not be held back, especially by you. 

“Eren.” You pushed away from him, wiping your lip with the back of your hand. There was regret already sprouting from within you, this was all a mistake. “You are going to die at twenty-three.”

“I have time,” he rushed out, already trying to reconnect your faces but you pushed him away. “We have time.”

That was a lie in it. You shook your head and stepped back, back unknowingly hitting the stone pillar behind you. Eren took a step forward but paused at the pained look on your face.

“You are meant to be the savior of humanity,” you whispered. “I am a distraction.”

He whispered your name like it was his last wish in this world. The desperation, the hurt, it was all too much for you. Trying to escape you walked away only for your wrist to be caught by Eren and be pulled into his chest.

“You’ve never been a distraction,” he said. Eren’s hold on you was tight but it did nothing to stop the feeling of you slipping away from him. 

“You’re supposed to be in a meeting with the Commander but instead you’re here. That is proof enough that I am a distraction.” He shook his head in protest. “The sooner you accept that the sooner you can realize you are meant for greater things.”

“I am meant for you.” The side of his face pressed against your temple. His grip on you loosened allowing you an opportunity to leave but you stayed standing there in his hold. “I am meant to hold you like this, to kiss you like before, I am meant for you.”

“You don’t mean that,” you whispered, trying to wipe the tears from his face. 

“I do, I mean it all.” The conviction in his voice made you realize how deep the both of you had fallen. “You’re lying to yourself if you think you aren’t meant for me.”

“I know.” You pulled slightly away from him, giving Eren a good view of your saddened face. “But I’ll keep lying to myself until it becomes true.”

He whispered your name again but you were already bounding down the hall trying to quiet your cries. A hand clasped over your mouth as your entire body shook with the sobs of a broken lover. Eren stood right where you left him, dazed.

For a fraction of a moment, he thought about leaving it all behind, running, living a life with you. Having countless moments where he was just an ordinary boy and you an ordinary girl. The fantasy brought a false smile to his face but just as quickly as they entered his mind so did his visions of the future. 

The Rumbling, Marley, the enemy across the ocean.

“Thanks,” Levi muttered after he arrived at the top of the stairs. He did not look back until the woman kept following him even as he tried to make his way to his apartment. On edge he prepared himself to fight her until he heard keys jingling.

“It looks like we’re neighbors,” the woman said, smiling directly at him.

“It looks like,” Levi voiced, monotone and already over this interaction. When Levi entered his apartment he stared glumly at the calendar as he saw he was getting a visit from Mikasa today. She always gets on my case about making friends.

He flinched when he heard a loud bang on the wall he shared with that mysterious woman. There was a moment where his eyes flitted around the room, searching for the weapon, the enemy, anything before he was reminded of his surroundings. Home.

Levi walked quietly to his balcony that faced the sea, it was the one thing he truly cherished about the apartment. His old neighbors could never stand to be outside so he had this area all to himself. He spent the time simply staring at the color of the sea, still in awe. The color always reminded me of something I could just never remember.

“Would you mind if I put some plants out here?” Levi turned to find his ‘friendly’ neighbor outside with a pot full of some strange plant in her hands.

“It’s fine,” He bristled, trying to get out of the conversation.

“Ok well I’ll be growing some spices if you ever want some,” the woman excitedly replied while setting down the pot. Levi nodded instead of responding and returned his attention to the sea. It could have been hours that he spent looking but he finally got up when there was a knock on the door.

“Captain,” Mikasa smiled at him but he turned away. 

“I’m not a captain anymore, remember? I’m the one Scout that got to retire.” His tone was harsh but Mikasa paid no mind to it as she set down some bags of gifts on his counter.

“Old habits die hard,” she gave Levi a small smile as she began unloading the gifts in the bag. “Your visit to the island is coming up soon, anyone you want to take?”

“No,” his answer was quick as he sat down on one of the counter chairs.

“You stand to make some friends, it’s not going to hurt you.” Mikasa sighed.

It already has hurt me. Levi kept that to himself as he stared at his niece again with some envy. He envied the people she still had, the position she worked to get herself into, her life. 

“I talked to my neighbor.”

“That’s good,” Mikasa said with a smile on her face. Levi shook his head at the thought of him even remotely speaking to someone bringing Mikasa into a good mood. “Oh Jean finished this for you.”

Levi took the small frame in Mikasa’s outstretched hand into his palm and looked at it through his one good eye. There was a man in the center who had blonde hair in a well styled side-parted comb over but the real star of the show was his eyes. The blue eyes captured Levi’s attention the most as he stared into them. Erwin.

“Give him my gratitude,” Levi whispered, clutching the frame with everything he had in him.

“Ok,” Mikasa paused as she silently stared at the longing expression on Levi’s face, “Why don’t I make us some tea?”

“No, you always mess it up.” Levi got up quickly, pocketing the frame in his coat and walked with his cane to the kitchen. He shooed Mikasa away who took the time to put away all the gifts everyone had gotten him.

“Armin got you a new map of Paradis,” Mikasa said as she unrolled the map.

“Put it with the others,” Levi said, distracted by stirring the tea in the pot. Mikasa sighed and put the map with the others, in a hamper. He could never stand to look at a map of the island, too many memories of past fights, battles, and massacres.

“Historia gave you an invitation for a tour around the island.” She held up the encrusted envelope.

“I decline, you know why I’m going back there anyways.”

“Grumpy old man,” Mikasa muttered under her breath.

“I heard that!” They both sat down at the counter and sipped on their tea quietly with Levi in contemplation. 

“You know next month marks three years since it happened.” She ran her finger on the rim of the teacup trying to avoid eye contact with Levi.

“Feels like it was so long ago,” Levi’s voice whispered gruffly.

“What if you came back with me? To the island?” Levi sighed at her words.

“I’m fine here,” Levi muttered.

“I know but then you could visit them everyday,” Mikasa said.

“And live in my grief?” He scoffed.

“You already do.” This is why Levi hated when Mikasa visited, why he hated when anyone would visit. They always tried to goad him into admitting that he was never truly good after the war. That he had developed that new disorder everyone got diagnosed with, PTSD. There was a silence after Mikasa spoke and Levi just stared straight down, removed from the conversation already. His mind was afloat somewhere else and Mikasa sighed before taking the tea saucers into the sink.

“I’ll make a friend, how about that?” In truth, Levi was tired of being alone.

“Thank you,” she said. “Really, thank you for trying.”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t you have a boat to catch?” Levi got up from his seat and walked Mikasa to the door.

“Just send a letter and if anything happens you know Gabbi is in the area, right?”

“Mikasa.”

“Going. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Levi sighed at her antics and turned around to his empty apartment. The sun bled into his living room from the balcony which he once again returned to though this time instead of the sea he stared at it was that frame. He had nearly forgotten how Erwin looked, were his eyes always that far apart? But those eyes.

He stared again at the blue in his eyes and it reminded him so perfectly of the sea in front of him.  Levi lifted the frame to where the sea line was for him and looked back and forth between both until his eyes could take it no longer. The same shade and all, it fits together so perfectly. Maybe this was why Levi loved the sea and took pleasure in even staring at it. Levi decided right then and there the color of the sea was his new favorite color, always.

“Do you think garlic would be too much for this garden?” Levi turned to find his neighbor hunched over some pots. He was about to reply with an uninteresting response until he paused and looked down at the portrait in his hands. Make friends.

“Garlic is a staple in lots of recipes, it would be good,” Levi said, louder than he intended too but she did not seem to mind.

“Mara.” The woman held her hand out to Levi who got up from his chair and approached the edge of his balcony.

“Levi.”

“Good to meet you, Levi. Would you mind helping me decide a little more?” Mara laughed in embarrassment at her cluelessness but Levi found it somewhat endearing.

“No, I don’t mind.” 

“Usually Josie would do this kind of thing,” Mara muttered while looking down at the pots glumly.

“Josie?” Levi looked quizzically over her.

“She was my friend?” Mara scratched the back of her head, trying to think of a way to describe their relationship or change the topic. “What’cha got there?”

“It’s a frame of a friend of mine, Erwin.” Levi held it up to her which was strange since he was usually so guarded, he thought it might have been the excitement of meeting a new person.

“Same type of friend as mine?” Levi paused in thought for a moment. What were he and Erwin? Certainly partners in crime but lovers? 

“It’s complicated. He passed away a long time ago.” Levi placed the frame back in his coat pocket.

“In the war? Same with Josie.”

“Yeah.” He forgot for a moment that Mara most likely served on the other side of the war he was fighting. The soldiers he killed without meaning or moral were her friends and family though the same could be said vice versa.

“Took too much from everyone,” Mara said while shaking her head. Levi did not respond but instead asked again about her plant arrangement which thankfully changed the subject. 

“Maybe move the pepper away from that?” He pointed with his good hand towards a pot on her balcony.

“Ok that’s it! We’re done!” Mara clapped her hands together in excitement at her finished garden.

“I should head back inside. Have a nice day Mara,” Levi said.

“You as well.”

Levi returned to his empty apartment once more feeling strangely more alive. He has not felt this in decades, not even with Hange and Erwin which was painful to admit. He had never been at peace like this, so content and secure in life. Levi Ackerman, after years of fighting, was finally ready to accept stability for the first time.

Suddenly as if out of nowhere the rain began to pour in droves despite the sky looking clear before. Himiko cursed under her breath and ran back to her house as fast as she could but still could not forget those engraved words.

Who carved them? Who were they about? 

“Gojo-sensei!” It was a few days later and Himiko was forced to leave the temple behind for her tenure at Jujutsu Tech.

“Yes?” The lilt in his voice seeped through.

“I found an old temple when I went home and I was wondering if you could help me find out who it was for?”

“This sounds interesting, do share.”

“It said something about the ‘love of the most damned being of all’, or something like that.” Himiko held air quotes to emphasize her point.

“The most damned? Couldn’t be Noritoshi Kamo.” Gojo rubbed his chin before the right man popped into his mind. “I’ve got it!”

“Well, who is it?” Himiko leaned a bit toward Gojo to make sure she could hear his answer.

“Ryomen Sukuna!” He clapped his hands together like it was a job well done.

“No, it couldn’t be! Remember it said beloved! That monster couldn’t have had anyone that loved him!” Himiko shook her head and headed for the door so she could do some of her independent research.

Gojo let the door close and let out a huff of laughter. His hand raised for a moment and the next he was transported right outside the temple Himiko had described to him. 

So this is it?

He attempted to walk into it only to feel a light invisible force pushing him back. Pushing through it Gojo traveled further into the temple to get a look for himself. He expected to find a tomb or at the very least some signs of burial but instead, all he found were overgrown vines.

This place has to be over a thousand years old.

He floated around for a moment before he finally made his way into the center of the room. In an instant, his mind was transported to a memory from before even his great-grandfather’s birth.

“Who’s there!” Your hand gripped a stick as you swished it wildly around to find some sense of who had shown up. “I said who is there?”

“You trespassed on my land and you’re questioning me, how pathetic.” 

“It wasn’t like I meant to, I can’t see.” You emphasize your point to this stranger by waving a hand in front of your face.

“So you can’t see this.” A swish wind lightly tapped across your chin as you saw a blob with what you assumed to be a fist slow an inch from your face.

“I can see a mass here.” Your hand closed around his wrist as you gently pushed it away. “But I cannot see a more detailed environment.”

“What do you work as a blind girl?” You could hear the loud crunching of leaves around you as you imagined this man circling you like prey.

“Healer’s assistant. Now if you would let me, I would like to return to my work.” An arm stopped you as you tried to walk in a random direction.

“There’s a river right there.” The deadpan in his voice made you blush in embarrassment.

“Apologies sir but I really must be going.”

“Let me escort you.” 

“I’ve already caused you a great deal of trouble.” Sukuna smiled, this woman amused him greatly.

“I want you off my land, it's not personal.” Instead of responding, you nodded your head in thanks as he guided your hands to his arm.

“What’s your name stranger?” Sukuna’s eyes widened for a moment as he tried to think of one quickly.

“Ryomen.” You waited for another name but he only gave you the one.

“What do you work as, Ryomen?” 

I’m a mass murderer.

“A governor’s assistant.” He saw your eyebrows raise as your face conveyed shock.

“I’ve embarrassed myself in front of the governor’s assistant.” You shook your head as you continued to shrink away in embarrassment.

“One of many.” If only you knew the things I could do.

Sukuna stopped abruptly a little while away from where he knew the nearby medicinal hut to be. He did not want your healer to ruin all the fun he planned to have with you.

“Your hut is just ahead.” He pointed with one of his arms but shook his head when he saw you looking in the completely wrong direction. “Right here.” 

Sukuna’s two hands were placed on your shoulders as he turned you slightly in the direction of the healer’s hut. His breath was hot on your neck as you nodded dumbly at his words.

“Thank you Ryomen.” You bowed to where you assumed he would be and said his thanks before slinking away. 

Gojo was brought back almost instantly and he smirked in amusement. 

I was right.

The next day he entered the first-year class where Nobara and Megumi were chatting about something while Himiko doodled and Itadori slept on his desk.

“Itadori!” His voice was playful. Itadori quickly sat up from the desk with some spit drooling down his face.

“Yes, Gojo-sensei?” 

“Would you come with me?” The smile on his face made Megumi shiver as continued conversing with Nobara and ignored whatever shenanigans Gojo was getting himself into. Itadori nodded and followed Gojo out the door into a seemingly innocuous room. Gojo waited for a moment for the door to securely shut before he cracked his neck and smiled a bit more deviously. 

“Can that demon inside you hear me?”

“I wish I couldn’t!” A mouth sprouted on Itadori’s cheek.

“Good!” Gojo clapped his hands together in excitement. “What can you tell me about that blind girl?”

The mouth disappeared in a flash and Itadori was left standing there rubbing the back of his head.

“Sorry Gojo-sensei, he's telling me to leave.”

“Let him out.” Gojo cracked his knuckles. 

“What?”

“Remember what I told you! I can handle him!” He teleported in front of Itadori to poke his cheek while lifting his leg behind him. Itadori nodded slowly as he concentrated on trying to contact Sukuna.

“No.”

“I didn’t say anything!” Itadori looked up at Sukuna on his throne.

“Satoru Gojo is asking for a tale he does not want to hear.”

“What if you told me and I could just tell him!” Itadori kicked some water around.

“A night I get to explore.” Sukuna placed his hand in his palm.

“No killing or harming anything.” 

“Deal.” The bass in his voice unsettled Itadori.

“Now tell me!”

“Her name was…”

“Makoto-sensei, is this correct?” You tilted your bowl lightly in your hands.

“Stupid girl! You added too much saffron!” The bowl was knocked out of your hands as you felt his hands clasp on your shoulders. His hands pushed you against the countertop as you attempted to push him away.

“I put two spoons in like you asked,” you whispered. He huffed and his hands gripped your shoulders tighter as he took you and launched you towards the door.

“Just go pick some more saffron!” He sighed and rubbed the bridge between his nose and his eyes.

I should be grateful. You whispered the mantra in your head over and over. A blind girl with no family, what were my prospects?

Whilst your mind pondered you wandered once again in the same path you had traversed before to the only known saffron patch nearby. By the same river, you had first met Ryomen, the mysterious government man. You knelt at the patch and began picking it slowly only to stop when you heard bustling the leaves nearby.

“Anyone there?” 

“Just me.” You recognized that drawl, Ryomen.

“I’m sorry, am I in your land again?” You let your head fall as you considered the consequences if you had been trespassing. 

“No, just across from it.” He smirked but it quickly fell when he saw your depressed-looking demeanor. “Are you all right?”

As if I give a damn, he thought.

“Yes, thank you.” Sukuna picked up on your clipped tone. Glancing at the low tide of the river he easily crossed it and stood next to you as you continued to pick saffron.

“What happened?” You flinched at how close he was now. His breath was hot on your ear and you practically felt his expansive ego.

“Nothing.” You got up but he quickly grabbed your upper arm. 

“What happened?” His tone was sharp as he over-enunciated each word.

“Makoto-sensei got mad I messed up a recipe, happy?”

“Very.” The gall of this man.

“Now leave me be.” You yanked your arm back which Sukuna let you do as you marched back to the healing hut you called home.

“If you need a place to stay you know where to go!” You shook your head at his words and walked faster away from him.

“Where have you been?” Makato shoved a bowl into your hands as soon as you stepped through the doors.

Has life always been this mediocre? With Ryomen not making special appearances in your life, your days have become so formulaic, so tedious, and so boring. Get this, mix that, show me your mixture, restart, over and over.

In truth, you did not know until you longer had him that Ryomen added spice to your otherwise boring life. He had ruined your sense of day and now you demanded an excitement that never came. Maybe that was why you found yourself on that same path with a single bag in hand. 

“Finally made your choice?” You flinched as you had always done with his sudden appearance.

“If you’ll have me, Ryomen.” You bowed your head slightly in gratitude.

“Then it’s best you acquaint yourself with who I am.” You stared somewhat confusingly at his blob-like figure as he began walking further down the path.

“I know who you are. You’re Ryomen, you work for the government as a governor’s assistant, and you have a home down the road.”

“Wrong. Uraume can explain it all to you.” With a wave of his hand, you unknowingly arrived at his estate, or maybe palace? “Show her to her room.”

You scrunch your eyebrows in confusion at his tone changing instantly to one of authority and intimidation. 

“Follow me.”

“Who are you?”

“That is not important right now.” Someone grasped your hand and began pulling you into a new building with a cold floor. You hissed at the sudden change in ground temperature but still followed diligently to the person holding your wrist. “Here, Lord Sukuna will visit you soon.”

Lord Sukuna? Where do I remember that name?

“Listen, girl, there are cursed spirits everywhere. Most you can handle by simply running or avoidance but there are a few you must never even come near.” 

“Why?” A younger you let your head hang as you kneeled on the ground and tried to use your hands to grind up some spice.

“Because they’ll kill you with no remorse.”

“Do we know who any of them are?” Your face screwed up in concentration as you tried your best to grind the stone tool harder into the bowl.

“Only one you should be worried about. Ryomen Sukuna.” Makato adjusted your grip on the stone tool.

“Su-ku-na.” You tested the name on your tongue

“Quiet girl you might summon him.” He lightly slapped your hand.

“Sorry.”

Fuck. 

Just as you made the realization you rushed to the door it was locked. You yanked and banged on the door only to collapse against it in frustration. 

“Please, please.” Your sobs quieted down as you tried thinking of more escape plans. The window? No, I could break an ankle. Hide? No. The long game? Who knows how many days I have?

“What are you thinking about?” You stilled at the sound of that voice, you were sure he teleported.

“Yo- You’re a monster!” 

“Am I?” The lilt in his tone lets you know quickly how much he enjoyed your sobbing.

“You’re enjoying this?” You stepped forward to his figure, illuminated by the window. “You take pleasure in my sadness? What does that say about how pathetic you are?”

“Choose your next words wisely.” His figure got closer as you continued with your tone.

“What kind of man are you?” Your chest made contact with his as you tilted your head upward and glared.

“I’m not a man, according to you I’m a monster.” He leered at you.

“I want to leave.” Your tone was firm despite the reality that your whole body was shaking.

“Scared are you?”

“Never.” You huffed and he laughed at your determined face.

“Accept your fate, they all do eventually.” He moved to leave out of the room door.

“So I’m just another girl. Just another thing for you to toy with then?” You yelled still staring at where he once stood.

“Yes.” The door slammed abruptly leaving you alone. Truthfully, had you been a tad smarter maybe this whole ordeal could have been avoided but your imaginative mind inhibited that.

“Then what happened?” Itadori had now sat cross-legged, enraptured by the tale like it was a soap opera.

“I grow tired, go tell that Gojo.” With a wave of his hand, Itadori traveled back to the present when not a single second had passed.

“Well?” Gojo leaned closer in anticipation and listened intently to Itadori’s recount. “Then what?”

“I don’t know. He kicked me out before he could continue.” Itadori rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment.

“No worries, I know just where to get the perfect information!” Gojo disappeared the next moment leaving Itadori to continue with his day.

“Hey, what did Gojo-sensei want to talk to you about?” Himiko paused in her sketching to look up at Itadori entering the classroom.

“Not a word.” Sukuna’s voice growled in his mind.

“Nothing to worry about.” He tried his best to play off the lie but Himiko saw straight through it.

“Does it have anything to do with Sukuna?” Megumi and Nobara ceased talking as they turned toward the other two in the room.

“N-No.” 

“You’re a horrible liar.” Megumi stared with a deadpan over at Itadori. 

“I can’t say.” Itadori avoided eye contact with everyone.

“Why can’t you-” Himiko grabbed his wrist only to be transported to another realm.

She looked around dazed at the bones and flesh that lined the domain. She shuddered for a moment before spotting a lone man with strange markings on his face sitting on a mound of bones.

“Where am I?” The man laughed and instantly Himiko knew where she was.

Sukuna’s domain.

“You are fast. Say what’s your name mortal?”

“Like I’d tell you.” The snark in the voice reminded him of something similar he heard eons ago.

“I can kill you where you stand.”

“Himiko.” She huffed and moved to observe more of the domain with caution.

“Surname?” 

“L/N.” 

Would you look at that? Sukuna smirked at the fates playing a strange game with him.

“I knew a woman long ago with that same name. Just like you, same attitude.” His mind unconsciously went back to the past.

“I’m not wearing that!” Your deft hands glided over the fine silk before pushing it away.

“Lord Sukuna insisted!” The servant pushed it directly onto you until you were forced to hold it.

“It’s too expensive! I’ll just wear my clothes!” You dropped the silk garment to the ground and rushed away from where you assumed the servant was.

“Please!” The desperation in the servant’s voice made you sigh.

“Could you help me put it on?”

“Yes, thank you.” After a few moments, the new clothes were on and they felt soft against your skin, softer than anything you had otherwise experienced before. You felt the servant’s hands glide over your face applying and messing with your hair and face. Subconsciously you began to fidget with your own hands and felt their coarseness of them. It felt as though you were very being, what you had been raised to do was at odds with where you were now. “You are ready now.”

Those same hands lifted you from where you were pushed to be seated and brought you directly into another room. This room was significantly colder and from what you make out with your eyes it was yellow.

Gold. 

You walked over to the yellow failing to see the many people already in the room and ran your hands around it. It was colder than the atmosphere of the room and anywhere you slid your hand the coldness remained.

“Entertained?” You stiffened at Sukuna’s voice.

“This entire room is filled with..gold.” You paused in awe as you looked left and right and saw immense blobs of yellow everywhere. 

“And here I thought you were blind.” 

“Only partially. I can still see colors and figures faintly.” You continued to trace your hand on the gold, in awe.

“Leave.” You halted and tried to move toward where you were previously only for an arm to stop you. “Not you.” 

How does he move like that?

After some shuffling the doors closed with a bang leaving you alone in his ornate room alone with a mass murderer. 

“You know I thought it would be harder to break you but it seems you’re just like the rest.” A hand grazed your cheek and you flinched away in shock.

“I want to go home.” There was no response, the tan-colored blotch blocking everything from your vision moved to somewhere unknown. “I serve no purpose here. I just need to go home.”

“You have no home. Your family abandoned you, don’t you remember? That’s why you stay with that healer.”

“He was nicer than you at least.” You spat in rage at the memory of your family dropping you off at Makato’s house.

“Not likely.” A strand of your hair fell from the bun it was placed in and fell on your forehead. It tickled but when you tried to move it a hand grazed your ear and pulled it back.

“You’ve killed people.”

“This again.” You felt a large huff on your neck before some loud steps back toward the center of the room. “Where was this sentiment after I died?”

“What?” That’s wrong, he’s a cursed spirit. “You’re a spirit.” Your hand pointed in front of you to where you assumed he was. “You were born from hatred.”

“I was reborn into a spirit.” Sukuna laughed gravely as he remembered his past life. 

“Did you choose this?” Your curiosity overpowered your fear.

“Would it horrify you if I said yes?” Sukuna walked over to you, he wondered for a moment if you had seen his true form. “I chose a life with four arms and two faces, where I would be persecuted for simply being by the same people who killed me the first time.”

“You want revenge? Why? Why would you want revenge when you could be at rest in the afterlife?” The adrenaline coursing through your veins felt like fire now as you heard your heart beating in your ears.

“And let them bask in the glory of my death? Never.” Sukuna reached out and grasped your chin firmly, jutting it upward. Your heartbeat quickened in that instant.

“You truly are pathetic then.” A smirk graced your face as he looked down, quizzically, at your smug face. 

“You are stupid.” He let go of your chin harshly. “I could kill you, I could rip you apart limb from limb.” 

There was a long pause that left you reeling in the shock that any moment he could relieve your body of your head. Ryomen Sukuna is the most dangerous cursed spirit out there, he kills entire clans for sport. Tales of his conquests are spread through Japan as people fear the very thought of him being in the vicinity. He is known to have a short temper and an even shorter attention span.

So why hasn’t he killed me?

“But you haven’t.” There was a determined look on your face as his footsteps halted.

“I haven’t.” Sukuna turned back around and stared at you for a long moment. 

What was different about you? What is it?

He has shown you mercy he never has shown to anyone else. So what was different?

“Ryomen you have to get up!”

The soft sound of his mother’s voice made him wince at that very moment. It pained him to even think about her, to think how it all came to an end just like the rest of his family. Their screams haunted him like a shadow always looming over him. In his state, he had failed to hear the soft footsteps you made as you walked over to him.

“Give me your hand.” The command was soft and he looked down in semi-shock at your tone. He obliged almost instantly, wondering what exactly you were going to do. In the next moment, he watched as you traced some hard indentation in his hands, going back and forth, humming a nursery rhyme quietly.

“Where’d you learn that?”

“Believe it or not Makato was not always single, he had a wife. They couldn’t have children so they accepted me. She used to sing it to me all the time when I was scared.”

“She died?” You laughed a little at his bluntness.

“Yes, she was executed after helping an outlawed sorcerer I believe. I don’t know the details. What was your other life like?” Sukuna laughed as he recalled his horrid memories of being a human.

“My family was peasants, we were farmers but we were happy.” He paused. “Sorcerers killed them after I went rogue.”

“Oh.” The tracing ceased.

“Does that change your opinion of me?” He leered at you with a smirk.

“You’re just a man with a complicated past.” You gripped his hand a little tighter.

“I guess I am.” Ryomen Sukuna smiled down at you.

“Can I go back now?”

“Promise me one thing. Show the kid your lineage.” Sukuna smirked from his throne.

“Ok.” Himiko nodded dumbly, failing to make the connection to his earlier statement. In the next moment, she was transported back to the present where she dropped Itaodri’s arm.

“Are you ok?” Itadori waved his hand in front of your face multiple times.

“Yes, I’m fine. I just need to show you something.” Himiko jerked her head towards the door, careful not to directly touch Itadori again. They both rushed from the room, leaving Megumi and Nobara, to head to the dorms. 

“Why are we here?” 

“That demon thing inside you asked me to show you something all right?”

“And you’re listening to him!” Itadori yelled, exasperated. Himiko shook her head and continued with little to no care over his antics.

“Just look at this.” She unfurled her patrilineal lineage chart which featured hosts of talented sorcerers alike for centuries. Waiting for a moment she watched as Itadori’s eyes flitted all around the map till they stopped at the very top, the origin.

“Who’s that?” Itadori pointed with his index at the couple at the very top.

“My ancestors, Himiko L/N whom I was named after, and her husband.”

Sukuna laughed cruelly at the tapestry, weathered and worn over time. He tried to reason that the names on there were fake, muddled, or something there other. No matter the multitude of tries he made, this simply made no sense to him. Leaving the great Ryomen Sukuna with a simple,

“Well, I’ll be damned.”

“You annoy me, you know that?” You slapped Sukuna's hand away again as you continued to try and observe nature. Your head lent back against the wall of the estate and your ears on the prowl for the sounds of nature, you so desire to hear if not for the man next to you.

“That’s the intention.” Once more one of his hands caressed your cheek but this time you did not push him away. You learned your face into his hold, his palm was calloused like yours from years of labor.

“Lord Sukuna, there is another Lord to see you here today.” He turned to see a very frightened servant standing there with her eyes looking down. 

“His name?”

“Lord L/N.” You perked at the mention of your last name while Sukuna whizzed back around to look back at you. 

“You know him?” His hand fell from your face.

“My father.” You huffed and threw the shawl you had on you on the ground.

“Should I kill him?” Sukuna teased, though there was a slight tone of truth in his voice.

“No, do as you normally would.” You sighed and pushed some hairs aside.

“That’s for me to decide.” Sukuna began to retreat into the estate when you called after him.

“Promise me!” He turned. “Vow to me you won’t kill him.”

“Fine.” Sukuna bristled and made his way into the stone hallway, glaring at nearly anyone who dared make eye contact with him. It had been a few months since the incident in the throne room and it was becoming more noticeable the hold you had over him. Word had gotten over the land of a seemingly innocuous girl taming the Lord Sukuna.

How wrong they are.

“Lord Sukuna.” The delegates bowed to him as well as nearly anyone in the room out of sheer respect. Sukuna wondered for a moment if he could even make the Emperor of Japan bow to him.

“Why have you come?”

“We wish to discuss the matter of marriage with you.” One of the men nearly half his height approached. Sukuna huffed in laughter but seeing as how they looked serious he then began to double over in laughter.

As soon as Sukuna left you raced to a hiding spot you discovered near the top of the throne room. You held a hand behind your palm at the ridiculous proclamation, trying to prevent laughter. When the hilariousness of the situation subsided you dropped your hand into the other, subconsciously rubbing the ring finger.

What would I look like married? Bonded to another being? 

For a moment you tried imaging your wedding day, clad in all your bridal garb. No family behind you but interlocking hands with your husband nonetheless. You would never marry a proud man or a man who thinks himself to be above labor. A man with coarse hands. Your mind recalled that singular moment just minutes ago with Sukuna, with one of his hands caressing your face. Captured in that very same reverie you had not noticed a commotion down below until a loud screech echoed off the gold walls. 

“Leave before it’s more of you that perish.” The deadly tone in Sukuna’s voice made you shiver. 

I should be used to it by now but I don’t think anyone could be used to him.

“Your time will come, Ryomen Sukuna!” You recognize that man’s voice, it sounds like your father-

“I made a vow to never kill you.” Sukuna held him by the neck, from your vantage point you could only hear his choking sounds. “But I never said someone else couldn’t.”

There was a loud bang as your father fell to the ground in a heap, covered by all of his ceremonial clothing. Uraume quickly took a knife and plunged into your father’s heart as he screamed for help. He looked up for a God but only found you sitting helplessly on the balcony, it took him a moment to make the connection as he bled out. 

“Help me, child!” Your eyes widened at his call towards you but you did not stir even a bit. 

This was his karma, you thought sardonically. Dying at the feet of a cursed being looking up at the child he abandoned. 

“What are you doing here?” A hand yanked you upward towards where the door to the balcony was. The voice of Sukuna was easy to place but his tone had changed drastically from before.

“What did you do? You vowed to me!” You pushed at his chest, and as expected he did not move an inch.

“I didn’t kill him!” He growled directly at you, bringing your faces closer together.

“You let someone else do your dirty work!” You pushed off of him and turned away, not walking away just yet.

“I found a loophole.” Sukuna was as playful as ever.

“Just go.” Your voice was weak as you let your head fall into your palms. After a few moments you heard no loud stomps or scuffles away so you yelled again. “Go!”

Sukuna looked at you momentarily and finally understood the feeling in his chest, the feeling that after so many decades of living was so foreign to him. It was not admiration or even kindness, no it was love. He loved you.

“No.” He defaulted into his usual arrogance because he simply did not know what else to respond with. 

“Listen to me for once and go!” You were screeching now.

“No, I’m not leaving.” Sukuna stepped forward with a face of humility and reached his hand forward to you. Instead of brushing him off just as he had foreseen, you leaned into his touch as you had done before. There was a silence between you that was comfortable enough but it was quickly broken by your sobbing.

“I want to give myself to you but I can’t. I can’t give myself to a spineless man.”

He was stunned into silence.

“What? What is it?” Itadori said out loud.

“Did he say something?” Himiko loosened the map and stepped closer to Itadori. 

“Nothing.”

“Tell her to grab your arm.” Sukuna had a trick up his sleeve.

“I’m not telling her to do that!” Itadori again failed to say it subconsciously and yelled it out loud.

“Come on, tell me!” Himiko pushed his shoulder but as soon as her hand made contact with his shoulder she was brought back to a familiar domain. 

“Good you’re back.” Sukuna expertly descended from his throne towards Himiko who took a fighting stance. “If I wanted to kill you I would have done it already.”

“Then why am I here?” She growled and still had her fists raised.

“I made a vow.” In the next moment, he moved and caught her forearm bringing her into a foreign memory, one from hundreds of years ago.

It was early in the morning when you were sitting by the estate near a stream of water you heard a branch break nearby. This was especially strange as those who ever got within the vicinity of Sukuna’s estate were already handled before they got this close.

“Who's there?” You held a branch ready to strike whomever.

“Help,” You lowered the branch only to raise it again when something ran up and clutched your legs. Only it did not bite or attack you; instead, the creature rubbed its face into your silk garb.

“Who are you?”

“I’m lost, I don't know where I am.” The terrified voice of a young boy had made you drop the stick and yell for help. Quickly some servants came to help the boy and you cleaned up from the excursion.

“Let’s get you up to my room.” The walk was slow as you tried to maintain the boy’s pace though it was slow and fatiguing. You could hear the servants whispering about his condition, praying he was deaf to it all.

“Where’s your family?” You grabbed his hand to try and warm him up.

“They left.”

“Well maybe we can get you back to them, how does that sound?” 

“They told me to stay behind because I didn’t have cursed energy.” You loosened the grip on his hand and began tracing circles as the heritage of this boy dawned upon you.

“What’s your name?”

“G-Gojo.” Your eyes widened as you stopped tracing circles in his hand. the servants around you paused as well as they all stared at the small boy. Just as you were about to tell them to remain here one ran out into the hall, you tried to stop her but to no avail.

“Hide the boy.” You heard no movement from anyone in the room. “He will kill that boy, we have to hide him.”

“He’ll kill us if we hide him, my lady.” 

“Then give him to me,” You rushed out already trying to formulate an escape plan. No one moved to help you but Gojo did run toward you and away from everyone in the room. “Come on, we have to go.”

“What’s going to happen?” Gojo muttered while trying to put back on his rotted shoes.

“Nothing,” You whispered. The walk outside the room was tense as you tugged on Gojo’s hand to try and get him to keep up. He stumbled slightly but made no complaint towards you as you tried to recall the path out.

“You would betray me?” You halted at the voice, afraid they may very well kill both of you where you stand.

“Stay behind me.” You pushed the young boy behind your legs as you turned towards Sukuna. 

“You would betray me for a sorcerer? A Gojo?”

“He’s just a boy!” You backed up a step with Gojo moving in sync behind you. “They left him behind because he doesn’t have any cursed energy. He’s normal, not a sorcerer.”

You stumbled over your words throughout speaking and kept clutching Gojo’s hands tighter till you were sure you might have cut off his circulation. You trembled in fright for the first time in a long time before Sukuna, afraid of the possibility of the death of this boy.

“That doesn’t change anything.”

“You already killed my father, don't take him from me!” His stomps halted and you were crying again now. 

“You forgave me then you can do it again.” In an instant, you were launched forward as you heard a gut-wrenching scream behind you. You rushed to get back to where you previously were but when your hands reached the floor you felt something sticky. Holding it up to your eyes you saw red splotches where your hands should be.

“No! No!” You rushed forward not caring how the blood on the ground tainted the clothes on your body or the skin on your limbs. Sukuna dropped his body once he could feel the last beat of his heart sound in his premature chest. There was a thought that if he did regret his actions but the answer remained the same; given the chance, any sorcerer would have killed him.

“It’s done.” He tried to pull you from the ground and the young Gojo’s body but you hit him off. 

“You’re a monster. I curse you,” You ground out as you tried desperately to process the scared boy you knew moments ago passed into the afterlife.

“I am already cursed.” This time he did not care for your petulant slaps and hoisted you up, dragging you to where your chambers were. 

There was a certain numbness that settled into you, like a cannon through the chest. In your mind, it hurts to even think so you simply lay there staring straight ahead. The noises you cherished previously fell into the background as you tried to remind yourself why you came here in the first place.

Coming here was my choice, I wanted this. So why do I want to leave so badly? Why do I want to run as far as I can?

The answer was easy to any outsider; the man who enticed you into coming was no longer there. There was never a soft side to Sukuna even though you tried to see it and capture it in your mind. No matter how many days he would sit with you, entertaining you, kissing you, it never counteracted the evil he would commit. It was only now that you saw it in front of your own eyes. 

No one came into your rooms even after days passed, or maybe it was only hours? It was always so quiet, which was something you used to detest but now it comforted you. You tried to sleep but even that was becoming difficult so you opted to just sit by the window. 

The sun was always so nice during this time.

“Thank you for trying.” You heard a voice you had never heard before. A hand on your shoulder alerted you that he was not of this estate but foreign. “But you are a weakness to be exploited.”

“Humor me, what’s your name?” You croaked out, voice still hoarse from lack of use.

“Michizane Sugawara.”

“Interesting name.” This was the end, he was death incarnate, you understood that now. “Would you hold my hand?”

His hand was warm and soft, nothing like Sukuna’s but you closed your eyes and despite great efforts, you imagined it to be the King of Spirits. You imagined it was him holding you this close as you died. For a moment all the questions of where Sukuna was clouded your mind but it was too late. It was instantaneous as duality took hold.

“Sleep in, I can drive you.” His lips kissed slightly on your neck before moving to your cheek then to your lips.

“Mmm let me brush my teeth.”

“‘s fine.” His voice muffled slightly. You smiled and leaned in to connect your lips.

“Fine but we should get going soon otherwise we’re going to hit traffic.”

He did not respond but instead got up and walked to the bathroom quietly. Strange, you thought.

“You ok?” The worry in your voice was apparent as you made your way into the bathroom behind him.

“I just have a weird feeling about today.” You watch from the side as he slathers some shaving cream on his face.

“Maybe somebody will fender bender us.” Both of you had been praying for that since you wanted someone to pay for all the damage already incurred to your car.

“Maybe.” He was uncharacteristically silent again and focused on shaving his face. You sighed and began your own morning routine.

After thirty minutes both of you were ready for work.

“Why’re you dressed up like that?” Nanami pointed at your halo and wings that accompanied your usual work outfit.

“It’s a Halloween work party thing. Best outfit gets a gift card to that new coffee place near my work.”

“I forgot it was Halloween.” You smiled and handed him his usual weapon of choice.

“Don’t worry I’m sure people will just think you’re supposed to be a corporate assassin or something.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” He shook his head and grabbed the keys from their holder. When you both hopped into the car immediately soft jazz started to play. Nanami moved to change the station knowing you hated jazz in the morning but you stopped him.

“No, it's fine. You always like listening to it on car rides anyways.” 

“Thanks. Sorry about this morning, I don't know what came over me.”

“Hey it’s ok we all get into those moods.” You placed your hand over his hand that was resting on the console.

“You know I love you right?” You instantly blushed, still not used to hearing those coveted words of affirmation from the man sitting next to you.

“I know. I love you too.” You smiled at him but his face remained on the road. The car ride was silent until Nanami’s phone pinged.

“That bastard.” Nanami continued to curse at his phone as he veered off your usual commute. “Gojo needs me to pick up Itadori. Do you mind?”

“No no. I think it’s endearing to see you take care of someone.”

“He’s just a student. I shouldn’t get attached anyways.” You did not comment on knowing that the ensuing conversation would cover all those Nanami had lost.

The car pulled up to the Jujutsu Tech campus and a boy with pink hair quickly hopped into the car.

“Hello Nanamin!” 

“Don’t call me that.” His voice was stern but you could see the affection brimming behind his eyes.

“Did you know-” Itadori’s voice was interrupted by Nanami cranking the radio up. You rolled your eyes and turned the radio back down as you saw Itadori’s depressed expression.

“Continue.” Nanami sent you a deadly look but did nothing to comment nor stop you. Itadori continued on and on about his days which you listened intently to.

“So there’s a thing inside you that’s like evil?” You turned around and poked his cheek slightly.

“Yeah, exactly.” He swatted your hand away.

“Wanna know more?” A mouth appeared on the side of Itadori’s face which made you crack up even more.

“No thank you.” You said politely but the mouth did not take that for an answer.

“You don’t want to know more about me, really?”

“Itadori-kun.” Nanami looked at him sternly through the rearview mirror. Sukuna was shut up thereafter as Itadori concentrated on keeping him locked away.

You listened to Itadori’s musings and rants for a few more minutes before you arrived at your workplace. Just as you were about to get out, Nanami's phone pinged again.

“We’re heading nearby. If you need anything, call me.”

“Oh where about?” You turned back around to glance back at Nanami.